New Theory: Sanjaya's Teeth May Have Evil Hypnotic Powers

As leading scientists continue to struggle with an explanation for Sanjaya Malakar’s meteoric rise on American Idol, it is becoming clear that his popularity is neither innocent nor harmless. Evil forces are at work here. We’re sure of it. And we think his power stems from those gleaming chompers.

No one argues with the fact that Sanjaya is the least talented contestant on Idol this season. Heck, he even admits it himself. But the 17-year-old with the permagrin has outlasted hopeful after hopeful. Many think this is because of his boundless optimism and energy, but that’s a bunch of baloney. William Hung had all that and then some, but didn’t make it past the cattle call. Sanjaya is far more dangerous than William Hung could ever be.

Let’s analyze the situation: Sanjaya is always smiling. Always. Any mortal man’s cheek muscles would eventually fail under the stress of all that grinning. But Sanjaya is no mortal man. Now, whether he’s a demon spawn or an evil cyborg is beside the point. The important question is: How do his mind-controlling teeth work, and what are his intentions for our planet?

Sanjaya’s pearly whites seem to cast some sort of mind-controlling glare that causes voters to dial his number over and over (which explains his unwillingness to stop smiling, not wanting to give viewers a break from his ominous, shimmering spell). If that isn’t scary enough, he has infiltrated the political spectrum, showing up as the subject in comments from both Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi recently. When a presidential hopeful and the Speaker of the House are not immune to Sanjaya's mysterious gaze, there is little hope for us huddled masses.

No one is sure just how far Sanjaya will choose to take this Idol run. Until his master plan is revealed, we are all just unwitting pawns in his game. But it’s high time that we wake up and admit that we should all be very scared. Avert your eyes, people! Our very lives may depend on it.

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• American Idol: Finally, A Cure For Insomnia!

Comments

[Some Dude]

The real story though is Sanjaya's sister. Have you seen the hottie? Here she is in her Hooters Uniform:

http://jen-makes-u-smile.blogspot.com/2007/03/sanjayas-sister.html

[Desi guy]

Come on..this is the most stupid thing i ever read in a blog.

Stupid!! ..

[Sanjaya's lover]

You're wrong! Sanjaya is not untalented... he's not the most talented, but he really is a good singer. Look, I have a university degree in music. All of the American Idol finalists.... each and every one of them, I can find lots of students at my university just as talented, and many a lot more talented than the idols. But clearly, pure talent is not what American Idol is about... so when I hear people say Sanjaya doesn't deserve to win because he is not talented, I say, "that's bull!" Because almost none of the contestants are the most talented singers out there. They are good singers with pop culture marketability. That's why my super talented music alumni aren't out singing the idols each week. My point is that Sanjaya is a freaking force of nature!!! He is crazy popular and a talented singer as well. Why DOESN'T he deserve to win American Idol? I believe people dislike him because is seems unusual... but I say Sanjaya is the new wave, man! He is a new, modest and sensitive version of cool. He is what the young ones want to see. Sanjaya IS the next American Idol!