TV with MeeVee: Oscar Liveblog! Oscar Liveblog! Woot!

It's Academy Awards time. Ready? Go!
And remember, drink when they show P. Diddy!

11:48: Is that Jack?

11:47: Best picture: Cormac McCarthy, the recluse, is up and cheering. "No Country." Scott Rudin: "A complete surprise." Right. Bed bed bed.

11:45: It would be easier to be happy about the Coens if they weren't so fuckin' weird about it.

11:35: Daniel Day Lewis walking off with his Oscar and Helen Mirren on his arm. For him, worth staying up. But we havent even done best director yet.

11:30: "Ambition...greed...immorality..and good old fashioned cojones." Helen Mirren is getting me hot.

11:25: Diablo Cody - "This is for the writers."

11:14: Seriously, it's 11:14 and we're still giving out documentary awards??? I mean, unlike the other movies, these actually matter. But...

11:12: Tom Hanks comes on. Has his own treacly intro music. He's introducing the Baghdad hookup. Great to see them, but Hanks, give it a rest. You're turning into Brokaw.

11:10: OH KEEEERIST! IT'S AFTER 11 ET AND WE'RE STILL ON BEST SCORE??? WTF. This could go into tomorrow.

11:05: Was that Jack? No? Are you sure?

11:00: OK, their names are Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. I lova them.

10:55: Awesome, Stewart brought the "Once" woman out again, because the music cut her off, brought her out after a commercial! And she said dare to dream. Who says Hollywood is a soul-sucking cesspool. For a minute there anyway, it was alright. Whoever made this decision, to bring her back - nice.

10:53: Wow that guy is so arrogant - Stewart. Ahahahahaha.

10:51: Awesome. "Once" won for best song. Talk about underdogs. Guy says they made the movie in three weeks for $100,000. He's psyched! That rocks! Music cut the woman off.

10:50: Travolta. Dunno about the rest of him, but the hair is gay.

10:45: Patrick Dempsey, ABC star #2.

10:40: Was that Jack? I thought I saw Jack. I drank anyway.

10:35: Robert Boyle is the man! 98 and he's standing there and giving his speech. The legendary production designer...Jack should look so good at that age. A dude who can still thank Hitchcock for giving him a chance!

10:30: What has Renee Zellweger done lately? Anything?

10:25: It's Jack! Drink!

10:22: Hard not to root for the "Once" stars for best song.

10:20: Jon Stewart playing Wii on the big screen with - was that the little girl from the gospel number? Funny.

10:10: Best actress now. Big ovation for Ellen Page. But WHOA they gave it to Marion Cotillard for La Vie En Rose. Who the hell saw that coming? Great line from her, too: "It is true there is some angels in this city."

10:05: The hairy fake Halle Berry and Dame Judy Dench - pretty funny to start. But the sound mixing winner who said, Can I kiss Halle Berry now? - that was funny.

9:53: Miley is kinda rushing, but she's a lot less nervous that Katherine Heigl.

9:50: Obligatory Nicholson jokes. Since Diddy's nowhere in sight, I've started drinking every time they show Jack.

9:45: Maybe Diddy really isnt there.

9:40: Wow. An actual surprise. Tilda Swinton gets her first Oscar for playing a lawyer in Michael Clayton! No s---! Not Cate Blanchett as Dylan? Not Ruby Dee? Wow, an upset. And she scores bonus points for making funny about co-star Clooney and the nipples on the Batsuit.

9:30: F*ing Seinfeld, will ya let the bee movie thing go?!? Just let it go.

9:29: Well, except for the gospel kids.

9:26: The comedy videos of the writerless Oscars - the salutes to "Binoculars and Periscopes" and "Bad Dreams" - show the power of film...to be better than anything else we've seen on the Oscar tonight.

9:20: As predicted, it's Bardem.

9:15: Jon Stewart says Cate Blanchett is so versatile she played the pit bull in "No Country for Old Men." And I just wonder, is anyone awake for the first acting award?

9:12: Was it just me, or did Calistra Flockhart seem amused by the way Harrison Ford was looking at Cate Blanchett? I'm just sayin'. And by the way, we're awarding art direction and still no actors.

9:12: It's been almost an hour and we have yet to give out an acting Oscar. Doom?

9:10: Is it just me, or is that cheesy music with the soaring wordless chorus an essential part of the Oscar experience?

8:55: ABC star No. 1 Katherine Heigl giving the makeup Oscar. Her first words are please forgive her, she's nervous. No.

8:51: Celine Dion - she even ruins drinking to Diddy.

8:50: Diddy in a clip! Everybody drink!

8:48: Is it possible Diddy's not here?

8:45: The first Oscar winner is for costume design, and she wore a brown dress and ugly glasses and big dangly thrift shop earrings. Honey, regret goes on forever.

8:43: "Normally when we see a black or woman president, an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty...C'mon, that's how we know it's the future." - Stewart

8:40: "If we stay the course and keep the movies in the theatres, we can turn this thing around!" - Stewart on the under-seen Iraq war documentaries.

8:38: Stewart's joking about Javier Bardem's haircut in "No Country For Old Men." Bardem is laughing. Behind him, Tommy Jones doesnt understand what's so fucking funny.

8:35: Jon Stewart. First joke is about the "bitter writers strike." "Welcome to the makeup sex!" Nice.

8:30: TV14L...just Language? Oh well. Major digital animation opening, they didnt cook this up in the last week and a half...no writers involved, apparently.

8:29: Regis having a Jack moment! Here we go...oh keeerist! Rachael Ray for Dunkin Donuts????? She ruins everything!!!

8:20: Regis Moment I'll Treasure: He drag's Oscar's "oldest red carpet fan" on camera - she's 80something - and asks her when was her first Oscars. And of course we're all thinking, like, 1950 with Bogie or something, and she says, "1986."

8:10: Miley Cyrus looking at least 20 in a smokin' red gown and retro hairstyle.

8:05 George Clooney is cool. How can we not hate him? But we don't. Amazing. Regis says for years people wanted to be Cary Grant and now they want to be George Clooney. And Clooney says, "Well that's because he's dead and nobody wants to be dead."

8:00: Oh crap, there's a half-hour Red Carpet special. And they got the hippest, most totally cool host... oh, no, wait, they got Regis.