"Top Chef:" Block Party, Stone-Soup Style

Tonight on "Top Chef:" Rick Bayless is the guest judge, which means we're talking high-end Mexican. The quickfire begins immediately: Make a taco. A fancy taco. 

Winner: Richard uses thinly sliced jicama instead of a tortilla for the shell. He gets immunity, and his dish gets onto the menu at Bayless' Topolobampo restaurant.

Runners-up: Duck taco by angry d-bag Andrew. During judgement he's quivering like a tweaker but Bayless loves it. Spike (right, in the silly hat) refuses to upscale the taco, and makes something delicious that loses only because he just hasn't followed the damn directions. I don't care how clever you are, you have to follow directions if you want to win. I learned that in first grade. When will these people learn it?

Next, the big challenge: Divide into two teams, hop into your product-placement-mobiles, and ... well, let's find out.

They get dropped off somewhere in suburban Chicago, in a neighborhood which is having a block-party tomorrow. Challenge: Wander around and ask the neighbors for groceries to cook for the next day. Brilliant.

Of course, the neighbors have been well-prepared - at least one of them has about ten pounds of pork loin waiting in the fridge. Nobody keeps ten pounds of pork loin just lying around defrosted. Anyway, they all grab huge mishmashes of groceries, some of which are planted by the producers and some of which are just lying around the neighborhood.

Day of challenge: Rushing. Resentment. Who gets stuck doing the boring-ass pasta salad? Whose secret ingredient is love, and whose secret ingredient is salt? How many gratuitous shots of the GE Monogram logo will we see tonight?

The danger for everyone is the delay between preparation and serving. The macaroni-and-cheese, the salad, and the corn dogs are all wilting as they wait for the block party. If there's one thing I've learned from this show, it's that catering sucks.

Also, I've learned that the Dixie Stoneware brand of disposable plates and picnicware is great for picnics. Mmm, Dixie.

Judging:  Neither team did a really great job (possibly because catering sucks) but Stephanie (left, smiling) did a wonton-based dessert that pretty much tipped the balance for her team. The losing team screwed up in part because they didn't respect their audience enough. Oh, a slightly-soggy corn-dog will be fine for middle America. No. You do not dumb down your food for anyone.

Angry d-bag Richard, a losing-team member, says that if they send him home, they'll need security guards. I'm seriously hoping Tom Colicchio does in fact call security.  But he doesn't. He sends Eric home, because Eric made the soggy corn-dogs. He knows corn-dogs and he knows they have to be served piping hot from the fryolator. Sucks to be you, dude. I'll miss your awesome neck tattoos, but you kind of were a weak link.