TV with MeeVee

Weekend Picks: Friday, March 15-16

Big Brother
Contestants fight to continue living in the Orwellian nightmare made real, but someone's going to be pushed back into the real world.

Dexter
The Ice Truck Killer's latest victim survives to help them hunt him down, while Dexter searches for someone who's involved in the trade that was once quaintly called "white slavery."

Aliens In America
Justin auditions for a community-theater musical so he can cozy up to the female lead. When Claire volunteers for a teen emergency hotline, but can't help anyone, Raja calls up with invented problems so she'll feel better.

"Terminator" Invades Video Game Store

The "Terminator" concept has inspired more than just the expected sequels, spinoffs, and licensed merchandise. It's also come to mean absurd amounts of computing power. For example, Futureshop, a Canadian video game retailer, has included notes about using the Skynet software and a T1000 to play the new game Crysis.

"Red Dwarf" Remake, Or New Idea?

I hear from TV Squad and the Hollywood Reporter that the folks behind "Always Sunny In Philadelphia" are
going to be making a sitcom about everyday life on a space station. It's called "Boldly Going Nowhere." Of course that sounds an awful lot like a cross between a "Star Trek" parody and the old low-budget BBC comedy "Red Dwarf." I imagine it will involve fewer aliens than either show, and way better effects. The key question, of course, is whether it will be funnier. That, I'm afraid, I don't know. Not yet, anyway.

"Smallville" – A Plethora of Product Placement

Show: Smallville
Episode: “Hero”
First Aired: 2/13/08

Believe it or not, white bread “Smallville” once featured a minority character in a major role. His name was Pete Ross and with best pals Clark and Chloe, they formed the show’s Three Musketeers.  When Chloe proved to be more popular, Pete’s screen time diminished.  However, things looked up when he was let in on Clark’s super secret.  Suddenly the two buds had a unique bond and the potential for storylines was limitless. Unfortunately, instead of following through on this potential, the show runners had Pete mutter something to Clark about his family moving away and we never saw Mr. Ross again. Until now. 

Sam Jones III (not to be confused with Sam “Flash Gordon” Jones) reprises his role as Pete in an episode that would’ve been better if not for a massive epidemic of product placement. Remember the episode that featured wall-to-wall REM songs to plug the band’s latest album?  How 'bout the one where Chloe drove a brand new Toyota Yaris that was constantly referenced throughout the plot? Gone are the good ‘ol days of TV when product placement just meant an actor drinking a Pepsi aimed toward camera.  Now the products are woven into the actual story as key plot elements. This is done to such an extreme in “Hero” that it’s impossible to recap it without mentioning the products, so here we go. 

Spy Hunter Meets Pontiac

Since when does GM have a good advertising team? Since when do they have the ability to produce something exciting and affordable? This Pontiac G6 advertisement not only brings me back to childhood weekends lost to pizza and Spy Hunter. And it even kind of makes me want to buy a car. An American car. Weird.

"Make Me A Supermodel:" The World's Tiniest Violin Plays For Perry

No, Perry didn't get sent home last night on "Make Me A Supermodel." The loser this week was, unsurprisingly, Casey.

But we did get to see Perry get hurt, because he found out his girlfriend was caught cheating on him with Britney Spears' boyfriend. He said he felt "almost betrayed." Uh, almost? Your consolation: You can claim your ex-girlfriend is considered a better catch than Britney.

Can you tell that I have no sympathy for Perry? I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it's because he's a jerk.

Then all the models headed for Louisiana, stayed in a tacky-ass hotel, and my favorite part of the show happened: Ben punched Perry in the crotch. I'm sure that it's his prison-guard training showing through, and it was absolutely perfect.

After that, the models helped build a house for Habitat For Humanity, then got all gothed up and hung out in the graveyard for a photoshoot. I was relieved to see Ben do much, much better this week. I didn't even care about who was up for the vote, just glad it wasn't Ben.

Oh, and Holly won this week. She's doing really well. One thing that made me worry, though, was a comment on Cory Bautista's blog to the effect that her accent is going to hold her back. She's got a beautiful voice and a beautiful accent, but American salesmanship demands a particular TV tone. It breaks my heart to see regional accents - and with them, entire portions of the country - denigrated that way, but I don't know how to stop it. She can get vocal coaching to hide her accent, sure, but is her background that shameful that it needs to be hidden?

"Ugly Betty" Makes It Easy To Forget

If you've seen "Ugly Betty" it's easy to forget just how impossibly good-looking America Ferrera really is. Her beauty stands out all the more because of the contrast with her TV character, but even so, she's stunningly, incredibly, hot.

You just know that when goes to an award show or a WB promotion or something, everyone is staring.

People are forgetting words.

Birds are catching fire in midair and dropping from the sky.

Galaxies are collapsing into her bedroom eyes.

Internet Cooking Shows Keep Coming

Yesterday I offered a link to Coolio's comical cooking show. Today, I've got something with a lower budget and no stars that's way, way better.

It's called "John Bull's Reggae Kitchen" and it's produced by an outfit called Dayrobber. (Yes, you could easily lose a day to this site. Be careful. No, it's Friday. Dive in.)

John Bull, in particular, has a hypnotic effect. He doesn't measure, his accent is almost incomprehensible, his kitchen is realistically tiny, he occasionally forgets what he's doing and repeats himself, but damn if I don't want to try this recipe for curry goat. Just listen to the way he says "marinate" and you'll see what I mean.

Morning reading

• Kristen bell sez she's got the "sickest" storyline evah on "Heroes." We're in. (TV Guide)
• Ahahahahaha. Reviewer likes HBO's "John Adams," except that Paul Giamatti is wrong for the title role. In costume, she says, he "looks like Shrek." (NYT)
• Rub a dub dub. Snoop hits a soap. "One Life To Live" for his 'hood. (AP)
• Les Moonves of CBS wants "American Idol" dead. Funny, I feel that way about "Big Brother," and I don't even have a network. (Hollywood Reporter)

"Lost" Scorecard: All's Well That Ends Tragically

After all the mega-intensity of the last few episodes, "Ji Yeon" seems remarkably sedate. Not that sedate is necessarily a bad thing; the slow, almost dreamy crawl to the big gotcha at the end is remarkably emotionally effective. The plucking of the heart-strings usually takes a back seat to the big spooky mysteries, but this week the big spooky mysteries are sort of a yawner and the melodrama gets you right on the edge of your seat.

Remember how last week we were feeling all sad for Juliet? Boy, I am seriously over that. It's easy to forget that Juliet spent a whole bunch of time with Ben, learning how to be sinister and manipulative, but she sure busted out the "otherness" this week. See if we say nice things about her dead boyfriend now! But enough about Ms. No-Fun-Bad-Times-Burke, let's get on to the score.

Tonight's Picks: Friday, March 14

The Return Of Jezebel James
Indie film queen Parker Posey, "Six Feet Under's" Lauren Ambrose, and "Gilmore Girls" writer Amy Sherman-Palladino join forces. What could possibly go wrong? Well, a Friday night timeslot, for one.

Friday Night Smackdown
Guilty pleasure.

In Treatment
This is serious TV. I am a serious person. Who also watches wrestling to lighten the mood. Tonight: Paul & Gina, week seven.

From "Six Feet Under" To "The Return Of Jezebel James"

This is an interview with Lauren Ambrose. But first and foremost, the Fox sitcom "The Return of Jezebel James," debuting with a full hour Friday night, marks the return of Amy Sherman-Palladino.

Sherman-Palladino was the writer-producer who birthed "Gilmore Girls" and then saw herself unhappily dumped from the show before its final season. So now she's back on TV with another talky, funny show about two related chicks.

Parker Posey is Sarah, a successful children's book editor who's about to publish her second hit "Jezebel James" book. The redhead Ambrose, so good as Claire on "Six Feet Under," is Sarah's little sister, Coco, a surly rock'n'roll screwup. When Sarah asks Coco to be a surrogate mom for her baby, things between the sisters heat up considerably. The supporting cast includes Dianne Wiest as their mom.

Earlier this week, Ambrose got on the phone with a handful of writers to talk up the show. And the show must need talking up, because Friday night in March ain't exactly prime time to debut this once-ballyhooed comedy. But apparently it was the first time she'd done a conference call...

L. Ambrose: It’s like we’re on an airplane or something.  This is intense. I’ve never done anything like this.

Question:  Thanks for making the effort.  Looking at the show, it seems like there’s definitely a lot of chemistry between you and Parker.  Talk about that relationship, both in real life and on the show.

L. Ambrose: Well, I don’t know.  I’d never met Parker before or worked with Parker before.  Part of the reason I was interested in this job was because she was a part of it.  She’s always been one of my favorite actresses and she’s a real funny lady.  I knew I had a lot to learn from her.  She’s just a great, funny person to work with on this kind of thing.

Alleged Friends Of Alleged Call-Girl That Dethroned Eliot Spitzer

Ashley "Kristen" Dupre was an aspiring musician, and her fellow musicians were totally surprised that her day-job wasn't working in a record store or cafe, they told Meredith Viera on the "Today" show. Best part: Meredith calling the ex-governor of New York "Eliot Spritzer." Yeah, that's one way of putting it...

Managed Care At The TV Hospital: "ER," "Scrubs"

NBC's "ER" is thinking big for next season, which is widely presumed to be the limping show's last. While the ratings are still OK, creatively the show was pronounced dead circa '03, and it jumped the shark for discerning viewers a couple of years before that. Mixing code blue emergencies with endless cycles of self-sabotaging medico relationship drama, the show seemed stuck for new ideas not long after the original stars departed. Now the last to leave, Noah Wyle, has apparently committed to a multi-episode return, and producers are courting Julianna Margulies and George Clooney. More problematic is the return of Anthony Edwards, since his character died. And oddly enough, no one mentions Sherry Stringfield. (More: TV Squad)

Meanwhile it appears that NBC's "Scrubs" will keep the hospital doors open but in a new location on the schedule. Cast member John C. McGinley spilled the beans that Zach Braff and the rest of the cast return to work March 24, and that the show will pop up on ABC in the fall for as many as 18 episodes. (ABC Studios produces the show.) Only 12 episodes of "Scrubs" were made this season because of the writers strike, and NBC wouldn't commit to making the final six, which would have included the show's planned finale. (Buddy TV)

(Pictured: Zach Braff and Anthony Edwards, NBC photos)

"Jericho" Falls

Hey, that sounds like a teen soap on CW, I know, but it's actually the truth about the ratings for the cult-fave CBS drama. One look at this chart from Tv By The Numbers and you know what's gonna happen.

Coolio Makes Spinach Cool, Even For Kids

Coolio seems to be attempting to be Emeril, only his catchphrase is "Shaka Zulu!" Also he's helping parents get their kids to eat spinach. It's kinda funny, but it's actually a decent spinach recipe, too. My favorite line is "Now we gotta wash these spinaches til they as clean as yo mamma's... uh, forehead." Slate describes the show as "putting the M.F. back into MFK Fisher," which seems pretty accurate.

Dancing Around In Your Undies

"So You Think You Can Dance" meets "You Only Dance Alone At Home In Your Underwear" in the latest Jockey promotion, which encourages people to submit homemade videos of themselves dancing. In their Jockeys, of course. Because... well... I'm not sure why. But if you've got moves, and want $25,000, and are willing to dance on the internet in your underpants for it, I guess there's an opportunity for you at Jockey Underwars.

If you prefer, you can just watch and vote on dancers. There are various rounds in the tournament. It's kind of complicated, but I think that someone eventually wins money based on the voting.

"Project Runway" Fave Christian Siriano Update

"Project Runway" winner Christian Siriano's fifteen minutes aren't up yet: He's got a profile in The Advocate this week. Summary: He has a new catchprhase, he's invited to all the hot parties now, he's very busy, being famous is weird because strangers keep touching him wherever he goes.

"Ellen" Calls An Oklahoma Politician...

Oklahoma representative Sally Kern has gotten a little publicity for claiming that homosexuality is a greater threat to America than Islam, implying that one or the other is going to destroy our fair nation. She's also a big advocate of young-earth creationism being taught in schools. Ellen Degeneres tried to give her a phone call recently, but for some reason her voicemail was full...

"ANTM" Gets Meaty

"America's Next Top Model" this week was all about meat. As in, the models had to wear meat and pose with meat. Also, shockingly, there was some drama. Involving Fatima. Well, duh. Anya had the winning photo, right here:

Complete results: ONTD.

Also: Open casting calls for Cycle 11 begin this weekend. If you want to be on the show - or just want to gawk at the girls who do - check CWTV.com to find out where to go.

Morning Reading: What Shows Are Coming Back?

• Handicapping the future of some of TV's on-the-bubble series. (Hollywood Reporter)
• At least we know "Prison Break" is coming back. (GMMR)
• But "Jericho" almost certainly isn't. (TV Decoder)
• I think I'm still more excited about the female spinoff of "Prison Break," but, uh, word is that Fox is cooking up a contemporary "90210" spinoff. (Hollywood Reporter)
• Ratings bode well for "Canterbury's Law," not so much "New Amsterdam." But the real joy is that Dennis Miller's "Amne$ia" totally sucked it. (Televisionista)

Honestly, I don't have a link for this, but the funniest thing I've seen on TV all week was Dennis Miller and Bill O'Reilly - Bill O'Reilly! - waxing wroth over Gov. Spitzer's scandals. I mean, Bill, loofah this.

"Top Chef" Not Fixed

Despite the insistence of people like The Hater, who claim that personality is everything on reality shows, I'm pretty sure that "Top Chef" isn't fixed. Oh, I'm sure the producers get into all kinds of mess with sponsors, but they know better than to tweak the results too obviously. They know people won't watch a fixed show (wrestling and "Iron Chef" notwithstanding) so as much as they'd like to keep popular characters on the show, they have a much greater incentive to keep it relatively fair.

Case in point: Tonight's episode of "Top Chef." I was really disappointed to see Nimma, at right, go home. It was really in Bravo's interest to keep a black, conservative, Muslim woman on the show. Her mere presence brought up all kinds of questions as I watched her intro video: Would there be some kind of drama over alcohol or pork? Isn't a professional kitchen full of all kinds of sin and swearing that her parents would disapprove of? Well, we're not going to find out. Despite being fascinating as a person and a sure recipe for both excitement and the inter-cultural lessons that Bravo viewers love, she was sent packing.

On the plus side, that decision does at least suggest the competition is (relatively) fair. Nimma made elementary mistakes in both of tonight's dishes, forgetting the salt in one and oversalting the second. Her shrimp was the only dish the judges actively hated. While I'm sure it was just nerves, and that she could have been given a pass without attracting any kind of viewer anger, I think they made the right decision.

But I still want to know more about Nimma. At least Bravo has an exit interview...

Tonight's Picks: Thursday, March 13

Lost
When Sun threatens to go to Locke's camp, Juliet has to spill some secrets to Jin. Not good secrets. Meanwhile, Sayid and Desmond meet the freighter captain and begin to understand his mission.

Reaper
Hey! New episodes! Of comedy! Tonight, Sam's got to stop an aspiring musician from selling his soul for fame, and Sock's mom gets married in Vegas, surprising and upsetting Sock.

Survivor
"This game is not easy." Tonight, James kicks some butt, Kathleen struggles, and the medical team has to deal with two different injuries.

"American Idol" Liveblog

Earlier today I was complaining that Fox crapped up last night's  "American Idol" and stained a family-friendly "Horton Hears A Who" ad by inserting a sleazy spot for "Moment of Truth."

Now I want the elephant dead.

Fox started off the "Idol" results show tonight with some of the most low-rent, balls-out cross-promos ever, inserting "Horton" characters into the opening montage and then inserting Jim Carrey, in a Horton costume, into the "Idol" audience for an extended handjob conversation with Ryan Seacrest. They made it meta and modern and ironic by joking about what a blatant cross promotion it was. Ack! Ptew! Uck! And then the big group number was intercut with Jim Carrey reaction shots. If they hadn't given us one good look at Sanjaya - and, more importantly, his hot sister - the episode would have been unredeemable five minutes in.

Next week, allegedly by popular demand, the show will be doing a second ep of Lennon-McCartney songs. Ryan refers to their work as "the most definitive collection of all time," one of the least definitive statements of all time.

Syesha - bottom three! She sings. Yawn. Kristy Lee Cook (above) - she of the unbelievable shitty country version of "8 Days A Week" - bottom three! Gawd I can't believe we have to listen to it again.

There's an element of sadism here - more than usual, that is - when they make the poor contestants sing one more time the crap arrangements that got them in the bottom three. Plus we have to listen to it one more time. At least this time around, the hot blond Kristy wasn't forced to re-create her awkward dancing from last night.

"Jericho": The Uppance Finally Comes

Jericho
Title: Temination For Cause
First Aired: 3/11/08

Ah, to live in Jericho, where the good are easily recognized by their broad-shouldered blondness and deaf little sisters, and the evil equally readily defined by their black uniforms, smirking wickedness and sinister-sounding names. Alright, it's not as simple as all that, but really, could Ravenswood be more cartoonishly evil if they tied various pretty girls to railroad tracks? Could Goetz be any more one-dimensionally villainous and avaricious? At least it makes it easy and uncomplicated to root for the good guys. You have to appreciate the simplicity of it.

Afternoon reading

• Maureen Ryan gets Tim Gunn to spill his guts about "Project Runway." In a dignified, stylish way. (The Watcher)
• First look at season two of "The Riches," which makes me want to run downstairs and get out the DVD that came the other day... (BuzzSugar)
• Nick Lachey, reality show producer. The end is near. (E! Online)
• ABC may not produce any new drama shows for fall, as pilot season fell victim to the writers strike. There's at least one pilot ("Life on Mars") already in the can, however. (The Hollywood Reporter)
• Tivo to bring YouTube videos directly to your TV? Wowza. That's gotta be good news for the Google owned video site. More as soon as we know it. (Reuters)
• "South Park" season premiere tonight. (Buddy TV)

"Beauty And The Geek" Returns... Does Anyone Notice?

I was watching Beatles Night on "Idol" last night, so I didn't even get a chance to catch up with my favorite Ashton Kutcher product, "Beauty And The Geek." Rough timeslot, dude.

Looks like I didn't miss much, though: This season's twist (beauties vs. geeks, and everyone for themselves in elimination rounds) means that the show's got less heart than it did previously, and less of a chance for beauties and geeks to learn from each other in that heartwarming way that makes it easier to justify tuning in to gawk at their mistakes week after week.

On the other hand, the heartlessness and drama are the real appeal. And last night's debut had all those fabulous makeunders (see Yahoo! for the full slideshow), where the beauties got uglied-up before being sent to a bar to pick up dudes:

Regardless, the producers insist that the show's still "got heart," although they brag that it's "sexier and louder" than past years. At least there's plenty of ignorance on display. That's always a good time.

Bonus link: TV Squad catches up with a contestant from last year, Megan Hauserman.

Morning reads: "Dancing With The Stars" And More

The lovely and talented Marlee Matlin is preparing for Monday's "Dancing With The Stars" debut, sez AP. Now, I try to be as politically correct as possible in this blog, but I can't help wondering if she was cast to fill the "physically challenged" spot created by Heather Mills in the show's last go-round. Mills has an artificial leg, which added a degree of difficulty to the dancing; Matlin can't hear the music. I mean, not that the producers of these shows spend a lot of time looking for great attention-getting "stories" or anything...

AP also sez that late-night comics are loving the Elliot Spitzer story. Well, duh. Everyone I talk to (including the hosts when I was on radio yesterday) is more focused on how long it will take "Law & Order" to get a thinly disguised Spitzer story on the air. I know his wife looked ready to kill somebody...

Is it just me, or did the judge who sentenced "Gilligan's Island" star Dawn Wells (right) to six months of unsupervised probation for pot possession really miss a great opportunity to scare her straight with a three-hour tour of a women's correctional facility?

"American Idol" Thoughts

Cheers to TV Guide's Cheers & Jeers for jeering the sleazoid ads for "Moment of Truth" in the middle of "American Idol." One of the few family shows in Fox's prime-time schedule - complete with ads for "Horton Hears A Who" - and they have to scuzz it up with that slimy crap. Yeesh.

Meanwhile, Fox has announced that the May 20-21 "Idol" finale will happen at the Nokia Theatre in L.A., which is also the new home of the Emmy Awards. That means 7,000 pubescent girls screaming for David Archuleta.

On an up note, here's David Cook's excellent twist on "Eleanor Rigby" from last night's "Idol." While there were several dismal performances on the Beatles-themed episode, I think the interchangeable blond Kristy Lee Cook and her awkward dancing will be going home tonight. Her bizarro country version of "Eight Days A Week" was a train wreck, although I don't know how much responsibility the contestants bear for the arrangements. But Cook's rocked-out "Rigby" was excellent:

Tonight's Picks: Wednesday, March 12

American Idol
Results show. One singer goes home. I don't know how they stretch this out to an hour. Seriously: One name. The results are already in. Why does this take so long?

America's Next Top Model
The models must pose with huge slabs of meat, to emphasize that women are nothing but meat. Plus, last season's winner, Jaslene Gonzales, stops by to insult them and hurt their feelings.

Top Chef
The competition kicks off in Chicago. Sponsors include Whole Foods, Toyota, Pizzeria Uno, the City of Chicago, GE, Glad, and Evian. First challenge: Pizza. Second challenge: Classic dishes the chefs ought to remember but probably don't.

"American Idol" Is Brought To You By Snobbery

Tonight on "American Idol," we're going to be seeing some sacred cows slaughtered. If you thought "Yo La Tengo Is Murdering The Classics" featured unacceptably sloppy renditions of old favorites, get ready to have your heart broken all over again: It's Beatles night.

If you have never heard of the Beatles, or don't know why this is a big deal, Ryan Seacrest begins the show with a voiceover and montage explaining them. He mentions that they "pushed the envelope, drawing inspiration from art, literature, and the world around them." Yes, a history of the Beatles and the 1960s that makes no mention of the Vietnam war, LSD, or casual sex, and mostly features photos of the early-sixties boys.  It's kind of infuriating.

And then Randy says something that will irritate all the intellectual-property nerds: "These songs are all true copyrights, meaning they'll last forever." Um, no. The enduring capacity of a song has nothing to do with its legal protections, and also copyrights aren't supposed to last forever. If you don't get why this is a bad idea, head over to the Creative Commons for details about the importance of the public domain.

Anyway, on to the part where I insult the singers! 

Beverley D'Angelo: Cougarlicious

Demi Moore. Sharon Stone. Madonna. Mrs. Robinson. All of them are cougars: Confident ladies of a certain age who know what they want and aren't afraid to take it. Particularly when what they want is hot beefcake.

Beverley D'Angelo is the latest actress to take on a cougar role, although in this case she's playing it for laughs in a startlingly ugly robe-and-pajama set. I'm not sure where the STARZ wardrobe people shop, but I have a suspicion that it's the same place as my great-aunt Maureen: JC Penney's, Des Moines, 1962. (Maureen is an astrophysicist with a time machine and poor taste in clothing. But I repeat myself.)

"American Idol" Overmyer Nude Photos? Gee. Shocking.

"American Idol" contestant Amanda Overmyer has a motorcycle, a nursing degree, streaked hair, and a past conviction for driving under the influence to go with her badass rocker voice. Does she also have some naked pictures? Who doesn't?

The National Ledger seems to think this is some kind of scandal, but Overmyer is no innocent flower. A few nude pics in the hands of an ex are pretty much par for the course. Unless the photos are from when she wasn't old enough to pose legally, I don't see why anyone should be shocked, offended, or surprised.

Never Rent To Tyra Banks

The New York Post says that Tyra Banks and "ANTM" trashed the hell out of the loft they rented for the show. Well, obviously. Or should I say "obvs?"

Christian Siriano Succeeds In Normalizing "Tranny" As An Insult

Just a few weeks ago, I noted that Christian Siriano, the femmiest of the gay designers on "Project Runway," was pretty hypocritical to use "tranny" as an insult. And while it's his choice if he wants to try and be clever and outrageous, it's still really annoying to me.

See, when someone like Christian starts saying that, it makes it OK for, say, Amy Poehler to do it. So now she's gone and dressed up as Christian on "Saturday Night Live" and done a sketch which consists of little more than the words "hot tranny mess" and "fierce." Oh, how outrageous and daring and culturally incisive.

The next step will be frat boys imitating the sketch, followed by frat boys imitating the sketch while beating the living daylights out of the next transsexual they meet.

Now that's fierce.

T&A Matinee: "Private Resort"

Yes, I found this mid-80s Johnny Depp clip while reading this blog. No, I have no idea why I was reading that. The doctor said I should stop because it's bad for my blood pressure.

Morning reads

• The evil get eviller. (AP)
• The Emmys show switches from the Shrine to the Nokia. Just so you can tell your limo driver where to go. (Reuters)
• Britney Spears has been hired to ruin guest star on "How I Met Your Mother." (GMMR, from whom we stole the awesome graphic)
• And her casting has already averted a guest appearance by Alicia Silverstone. (TV Guide)
• Big Thursday for "Lost," as we learn the final two members of the Oceanic Six. (Buddy TV)
• "Lost" is also the most time-shifted episode, with a DVR audience of 3.7 million!! (TV By The Numbers)
• Maybe it's time for us to get paroled from "Prison Break"? (Buddy TV)
• Tom Goodman went quality in drowning his sorrows over the end of "The Wire." (The Bastard Machine)
• Nikki Finke says you shouldn't be too happy about the launch of Skynet Hulu. (Deadline Hollywood Daily)

Tonight's Picks: Tuesday, March 11

American Idol
The final 12 perform.

Jericho
Jake and the Rangers fight Goetz and Ravenwood. Trivia: No criminal charges have been filed against actor Esai Morales, who plays Maj. Beck.

Beauty And The Geek
Season 5 premiere. This season, the beauties and geeks will compete against each other in two large teams, instead of working together in pairs. For first challenge, the beauties are made over to look ugly and then sent to a bar.

The Best Of The Best On The Track

As soccer is to American football, MotoGP is to NASCAR: Mostly ignored in the US, but hugely popular everywhere else. As two-wheeled motorsports go, US audiences prefer dirt tracks and jumping. That doesn't stop MotoGP from being the premiere motorcycle racing category, and it kicked off this weekend under the lights in Qatar. The Australian rider Casey Stoner, shown below with sparks flying from his knee-pucks, took the first race handily, riding an impossibly high-tech Italian machine (Yahoo UK has the rest of the results and video highlights).

Plus, his name is Stoner. How can you not like that?

Afternoon Updates!

• "American Idol" ejectee Danny Noreiga shouldn't starve even if he turn's down Rosie's cruise ship offer. He can always follow Sanjaya and sing at bat mitzvah's for rich girls. (TV Guide.com)
• I've come around to a new opinion on Fox's bottom-feeding "Moment of Truth." I now believe that the heinous morons and brain-dead scuzzos who consent to take the lie-detector test deserve whatever they get in terms of shame, destroyed families, et cetera. And now they're getting something else they deserve: Shrinking ratings. (Buddy TV)
• Tucker Carlson is out at MSNBC. See previous item for degree of sympathy. (Reuters)
• Should have linked this earlier today: recap of the "Breaking Bad" season finale. (TV Squad)
• ABC burns off the last two hours of "October Road" tonight. (Buddy TV)

"ANTM" Vs. "Make Me A Supermodel:" Who's Got The Better Theme Song?

Tyra's "Wanna Be On Top" is the theme for "ANTM," while "Make Me A Supermodel" gets an electro-synth cover of Queen's hit "I Want It All." Which do you like better? And are you disappointed or relieved that Janet Jackson's "Feedback," with its chorus of  "Do you like my style? (Sexy sexy) hasn't yet become a reality show theme song?

First, here's the "ANTM" song:

And here's the "Supermodel" song:

"American Idol" Update: Rosie Hearts Danny Noreiga

"American Idol" reject and Santa-spurning drama queen Danny Noreiga has at least one fan despite getting voted off the show. Rose O'Donnell - who got voted off "The View" - wants him to come on a cruise and sing "Tainted Love" and meet Cindy Lauper and, you know, just be fabulous.

"ANTM" Dumbass Regrets Racist Dumbassery

Allison, axed on last week's episode "America's Next Top Model," says she sincerely regrets the way she insulted Fatima. It's not that she's racist, it's just that her feelings were so hurt and she was so mad that she said things without thinking. She told E! Online "It was very immature, and I’m kind of disgusted with myself."

Well, she's come up with an acceptable apology, but I'm still kind of disgusted with her anyway.

Of course, it wasn't the in-house drama and insults that got Allison got booted from the show. Hell, the show's producers love that kind of crap. Fortunately for justice and my sanity, Allison also produced over-studied, awkward poses for the photographers. Since she's both a poor model and a poor role model, I'm glad to see her off the air, even if it does mean at least one more week of Dominique's combination of soccer mom and drag queen.

What Now, Summer Glau?

She's off air for now, but she'll be back. (Sorry, had to use the "I'll be back" line somehow.) In one recent interview, Summer Glau (Cameron on "Terminator") told Canada.com that she's wanted to do a Western or period film since she was a child, and that she's still in touch with all the "Firefly" people. Glau is also featured in the April 2008 issue of Vanity Fair; you can find a scan of her page with a short profile over at summer-glau.net.

Divas. Beaches. What More Do You Want?

WWE Diva Torrie Wilson. Beaches. Bikinis. Need I say more?

Morning Reading

• "The Wire" ends. (Buddy TV)
• Showtime is parting ways with its lesbian lovers. (Hollywood Reporter)
• "Sopranos" movie? Not so much. (AP)
• Did I mention "The Wire" ended? (NY Times)
• "Dirt" still stains. (TV Squad)
• Rumors of a "Terminator" that won't die. Ironic, no? (TV Squad)
• Oh, and by the way, "The Wire" ended. (TGTV)

"Torchwood": Death Takes A Holiday

Torchwood
Title: "Dead Man Walking"
First Aired (US): 3/08/08

There's no doubt about it, "Torchwood" has hit its stride. After delivering a nice, high-tension entry last week, they give us a follow-up that's nothing like a letdown. The story is intense, the characters manage to keep their freak-outs to a fairly reasonable level (and when they do freak, it's with good reason), and there's some very genuine creepy delivered. Aside from a slightly unfortunate bit of unintentional comedy with an animated glove (too much like Addams Family, sorry) the episode is serious as a heart attack. It would be easy to credit the upswing in quality to the addition of Freema Agyeman to the cast, but so far she's largely taking a back seat. She's definitely a welcome addition, but this story is absolutely about Owen, Jack, Tosh and Gwen. Seriously BBC, you can't be thinking of getting rid of those characters.

Tonight's Picks: Monday, March 10

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations
The less fun Tony has, the more fun it is to watch, and this episode is horrible for him. Tony visits Romania, where he stumbles through a variety of Dracula-themed tourist traps and his fixer gets horribly drunk. At least he gets to eat vast quantities of pork.

In Treatment
When Laura doesn't show up for her appointment, Paul decides to spend some quality time with the family. Of course, it goes badly.

The Colbert Report
The team's had all weekend to write new jokes, so obviously something hilarious is going to happen.