TV with MeeVee

"Jericho" Falls

This hardly comes as a surprise, but CBS announced last night that Tuesday's episode of "Jericho" will be the one that wraps up the series, not the one that provides a cliffhanger as a bridge to the future. In other words, the drama about small-town Kansas and the aftermath of a nuclear strike has been canceled. Give the network credit for bowing to fan pressure last summer and picking up seven more episodes. And also blame the network for last season's scheduling weirdness, which many said kicked the show's legs out from under it. But the bottom line is that not enough people watched.

Big Cable Is Watching You (Or Wants To, Anyway)

Be afraid, be very afraid. Chris Albrecht reports that Comcast is experimenting with various cable-box camera technologies that would recognize who is watching television in your home and provide programming recommendations and personalized advertising. Apparently this is based on body-type recognition rather than facial features, but um, that's a distinction without a difference. This is about as Orwellian and creepy as it comes. Although, it must be said, hardly surprising.

I'll have one of these seeing-eye boxes in my house when hell freezes over. How about you?

Weekend Picks: March 22-23

Futurama
The broadcast premiere of the "Futurama" movie "Bender's Big Score" - four back-to-back new episodes! Note that the show has moved to Comedy Central from the Cartoon Network.

Dexter
The Ice Truck Killer keeps leaving messages for Dexter - this time, in the same place Dexter killed his last victim. Two depraved serial killers hunting each other: Now that's family entertainment!

Big Brother
Orwellian nightmare made gameshow. Welcome to the Panopticon!

Two Arquettes For The Price Of One On "Medium"

The first thing anyone involved with NBC's "Medium" will tell you is that it's a family show. Sure it's about a woman using her psychic powers to hunt down horrible axe-murderers, but the important thing is the tender family drama. On April 7th, the show will become a family show in another way, when star Patricia Arquette's sister Rosanna does a guest turn as a cougary man-eater.  

In a phone conference, the Arquette girls sat down with journalists to talk about the upcoming episode and what it was like to grow up in their unusual, talented family.(Pictured: Patricia, left, and Roseanna.)

• Rosanna found her role as a villain tough work. A scene involving the violent strangulation of a young man was particularly rough, but she said she enjoyed the chance to get into a baddie for the first time. Returning to the rigors of television was challenging all around, especially since writer/creator Glenn Caron rarely has a full script at the start of shooting.
• Patricia had so much fun with her sister guest-starring that sometimes it was hard to bring the tension that the scene required, "I was enjoying her so much that I would find myself smiling." A particularly ridiculous line about a "middle-aged mouseburger" eventually had to be cut from a scene because Patricia couldn't get through it without laughing. Yeah Patricia, we don't blame you.

Adorable Moralizing: Wubbcast

If only certain grownups would listen to this sound advice, we'd have a hell of a lot fewer problems.

“Smallville” – Secret Society Showdown

Show: Smallville
Episode: “Traveler”
First Aired: 3/20/08

Years before baby Kal-El crash landed on the Kent farm, a secret society was formed by four wealthy families of “Smallville” lore: Lionel and Lillian Luthor, Green Arrow’s parents, the Teagues (represented a few seasons back by Jane Seymour and one of the “Supernatural” brothers), and Dr. Swan (played by Christopher Reeve and named for legendary Superman artist Curt Swan).

The group’s purpose was to protect the Traveler, AKA the Last Son of Krypton, AKA Kal-El, AKA Clark (soon to be AKA Superman). However, aside from Lionel, everyone died. Did they all expire coincidentally from natural causes like Lionel’s wife, or did Luthor murder them in order to have the Traveler all to himself? That’s the question Dr. Swan’s daughter aims to have answered in this all new episode.

We'll Always Have Something On The Table

Inflation and the housing crisis got you down? Don't worry, you'll always have something to eat as long as you know how to noodle a catfish.

Gordon Ramsay Talks "Hell's Kitchen" And "Kitchen Nightmares"

Gordon Ramsay has a reputation for verbal beat-downs. Where Rachael Ray says "yummo" and Emeril says "bam!" Ramsay is known for saying things like "You little bastard, what the fuck were you thinking? This tastes like gnat's piss. It's fucking rancid. If you shut the fuck up for thirty seconds you might fucking learn something." 

Of course, if you've ever worked in restaurants, that kind of language isn't much of a surprise. In more than a few pro kitchens, vicious profanity is as common as salt and pepper.

Out of the kitchen, though, Ramsay's a really nice guy. His anger at poor cooking seems to stem from some sort of deep identification with food, and a belief that it deserves to be cooked perfectly every time. Culinary mistakes aren't just mistakes to him: They're personal insults. Overcooking shrimp or pairing apricots with mashed potatoes isn't just unfortunate to him. It's like throwing rocks at his mother. Dirty rocks. Of course he's going to get angry.

And he takes his show as seriously as he takes his other culinary endeavors: The winner of "Hell's Kitchen" this season will be given an executive chef position at one of Ramsay's restaurants.

Unfortunately, I didn't know any of that when I joined the conference call for the new season of "Hell's Kitchen," which begins on April 1. I just knew he was the foul-mouthed chef.

"Keeping Up With The Kardashians" Season Two

Just what you've been waiting and hoping and wishing for: A new season of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians!" What do you mean you wanted something worth watching? This is worth watching. It's the tale of a bunch of spoiled, good-looking people with too much money and not enough brains bickering and being pretty. Isn't that what everyone wants?

Well, in my case, I spent nearly twenty minutes online looking for a parody video starring Cardassians rather than Kardashians, and didn't find one. Come on, fandom! I need your parody videos! I can't possibly make them myself - I'm no good with makeup.

Morning Slayage

The bad news from the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" reunion at Paley Fest is, well, not really news: Don't get your hopes up for a "Buffy" movie. But there was lots of good news too, plus Nicholas Brendon apparently acted the ass, and David Boreanaz and Allyson Hannigan didn't show up at all. (Coincidence they're the ones with new series?)

I can't pick one of these, because as an ardent  fan, I had to read them all...

• Report from the "Buffy" reunion. (TV Guide)
• And more, from Matt Roush, who moderated. (TV Guide)
• And more. (TV Squad)
• And more. (AP)
• And more. (Futon Critic)
• And more. (E! Online)

"Lost" Scorecard: You Don't Die Till We Say You Die

Often, when watching an episode of "Lost" that centers around a character I don't like (cough Kate cough cough Jack), I find my patience for the storyline significantly reduced. Conversely I'm more inclined to be favorable about a weak Sayid, Sun or (sniff) Charlie episode. Every fan of a show is like this, and I try to take it into account when I write my reviews. So it's saying something that the fact that this week's episode is all about the morally flexible and whiny Michael didn't put a damper on my interest.

Having finally gotten the painfully obvious reveal of Michael out of the way, we're free to find out what the heck he's been doing since he sailed off into the sunset lo these many episodes ago. It's a sign that I've gotten too accustomed to "Lost"-style storytelling that I was finding the flashback sort of disorienting. Michael's flashback is bracketed by him telling Sayid his story, and follows a more or less linear path from beginning to end. In other words, it's like a perfectly normal flashback on any other show. Weird, right? Enough of that, let's talk score.

Tonight's Picks: Friday, March 21

The Return Of Jezebel James
I don't know which is more surprising: That a show with this many talented people sucks, or that it's still the best thing on TV tonight.

NCAA Basketball Tournament
Did you know that March Madness is a trademarked phrase? If you have a psychotic break this month, you'll have to describe it in other terms.

Friday Night Smackdown
Tired of sports where the outcome isn't determined in advance? Watch The Undertaker fight Chavo Guerrero in a Lumberjack match.

Ratings Giveth, Taketh Away

That sounds you hear is groaning from the fans of shows that are predicted to be heading for cancellation. We've already talked about "Jericho." Now the Hollywood Reporter says Lifetime has passed on the chance to pick up "Men In Trees" and "October Road" from corporate sister ABC, likely dooming "Road" and maybe "MIT" as well. Meanwhile, TV Decoder says don't get your hopes up for the survival of Julianna Margulies' drama "Canterbury's Law" and "Gilmore Girls" creator Amy Sherman Palladino's sitcom "The Return Of Jezebel James" (right). Both got what are technically referred to as "sucky" ratings over the last week. TV By The Numbers" says the same thing. The bright spot, according to the AP, is "Friday Night Lights," as the executive producer says he's optimistic NBC will renew the beloved but ratings-challenged drama.

"The Office" Returns: Greg Daniels, Rainn Wilson Talk

Comedy highlight of the afternoon is a conference call with executive producer Greg Daniels of "The Office" and actor Rainn Wilson, who plays the insane Dwight.The show returns April 10 at 9 with an episode that was ready to shoot before the writers strike interrupted the season. In the episode, Jim and Pam are unable to weasel out of their latest invitation to dinner at Michael and Jan's. When Andy and Angela are invited as well, Dwight's jealousy gets the upper hand.

The call featured plenty of tidbits, such as the fact that Daniels was given a "What Would McGyver Do" book that helps inspire his writing for Dwight. But there wasn't much in the way of spoilers, except for word that under their arrangement with "Unhitched," the show can use Rashida Jones as Karen one more time. Daniels wouldn't say for sure, but it sounded like that might happen.

I'll be running a long chunk of the interview closer to the air date, but here are a few samples:

Wilson on his real-life jobs: "I was a really good waiter and pretty good at my office work too. I was not very good at marine supply delivery. I got in a couple of car accidents and kept losing things."

Daniels on making a good sitcom: "It's a lot about trying to be original, and about trying to be funny, and about not being scared of also having some emotion in it or being real and taking the characters seriously. And (it's about) having been a success in another country."

Wilson on how his wife reacts if he brings his character home: "We actually play weird sex games with Dwight, and she can be anyone in the office, pretty much. She has different costumes... No, I don't tend to bring my work home with me."

(John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer as Jim and Pam and Wilson as Dwight, from the dinner party episode NBC photo.)

"Hannah Montana" Exposes Children To Lead, Poor Taste

Miley Cyrus may be a good influence on her young fans, but Miley-branded products - manufactured in China for Disney and sold at Wal*Mart - are loaded with lead, according to CNN and the Center For Environmental Health. Oops.

Sweet niblets! Keep your mouth off that vinyl Hannah Montana purse!

MTV: Every Week, A New Low

Every time I say "this is the sleaziest reality show I've ever heard of," a new one comes along. Remember when "Cops" was considered edgy and boundary pushing? How about "Temptation Island?" Lame by today's standards. MTV and VH1 are the kings of this race to the bottom, and now that Tila Tequila's dating show is on hiatus we've got "The X Effect." The idea is that it finds a couple that's broken up and moved on, then reunites them while their current partners spy on them. It's the televised equivalent of tearing out a person's bile duct and feeding it to them. MTV is running a marathon of the show, now in its second season, this weekend. Check your schedules for details.

Morning Kibble

• "Idol" kicked "Dancing's" ass, and the ratings are kicking "Jericho's." (TV By The Numbers)
• A series on standout episodes high-fives "Homicide: Life On The Street" for the intense "bop gun," written by creator David Simon, who went on to "The Wire." I remembered that Robin Williams guested; I sure didn't remember that his kid was the young Jake Gyllenhaal. This is timely because Williams is doing a "Law & Order: SVU" soon, which happens to be the second NBC cop show on which Richard Belzer plays Det. Munch. Got that? (TV Addict)
• "As The World Turns" - is it gay enough for you? GLAAD says yes, even as some viewers say no. (TV Decoder)
• Michelle Trachtenberg, who played little sister Dawn on "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," is jumping into a sweeps-timed guest role on "Gossip Girl." This is the gig Mischa Barton was supposedly taking. (Hollywood Reporter)
• Kabillionaire "All My Children" fan Warren Buffett - the rich, not so different - is going to make a brief appearance on the soap. This is not the gig Mischa Barton was supposedly taking. (Reuters)

Finally, check out the "Battlestar Galactica" promo shown at the upfronts (via TV Addict)...

"Top Chef" Counts To Five, Then Goes To The Zoo

Last night's quickfire challenge was to go to the farmer's market, pick five (and only five) ingredients, and make a meal out of them. This actually sounds like my everyday cooking experience, only my budget is a little lower than $25.00. And I only get one ingredient. And the ingredient is a can of beans. And I don't get to have Wylie Dufresne as a guest, looking carefully at everything I prepare. Mostly I'm just hunched over a laptop trying to keep my meal from clogging my keyboard.

The chefs are allowed to use a couple things that don't count as ingredients, though: salt, pepper, sugar, and oil. Butter doesn't count as oil, and neither does vinegar. Andrew can't remember that vinegar is not oil, and winds up using six ingredients. Oops. Back to kindergarten for you! Mark wins the challenge and gains immunity in the main challenge.

The main challenge is to cater a meal for 200 people at the Chicago Zoo. (Sponsorship ho!)

Amanda Overmyer Goes Home

You've got to be kidding me. Out of all the commercially unviable, boring, and just plain irritating singers on that show, they send home the one ass-kicking rocker?

Yes, she's got a bad haircut. But that's easy enough to fix. She's got a voice with character, and that's really difficult to fake. Carly Hennessey Smithson or Ramiele Malubay could easily have gone home this week and it would have been no surprise. Even Chikeze, after that harmonica debacle, or Michael Johns, with his disastrous "Day In The Life" performance, could have lost it. But Amanda? What?

I'm really surprised. And the kids over at VFTW are almost certainly heartbroken. Well, they would be, if they had hearts.

Tonight's Picks: Thursday, March 20

Miss/Guided
Two episodes in a row. First, Ashton Kutcher guest-stars as a hot substitute teacher who flirts with Becky. Then, a list circulated among students ranks Becky as the least-doable teacher in the school, leading to mixed emotions.

Lost
On the island, an impending attack from Locke's camp. On the freighter, a confrontation with a spy.

NCAA Basketball
Round One games will run from around noon to around midnight. Someone's making a ton of money on this tournament, but it's not the players. And it's not you, either, no matter how good your office pool is.

Make Me A Supermodel
"Project Runway" winner Christian Siriano and supermodel Naomi Campbell visit the contestants this week.

"ANTM:" What Happened To Last Year's Eco-Theme?

Last year - excuse me, cycle - "ANTM" was all ecological. They had that biodiesel bus and everything. This year they're back to a stretch hummer. Instead of recycled materials they posed last week with meat. Whatever. This week is the Benny Ninja posing lesson.

Benny Ninja (left) pretty much invented the whole vogue posing thing, so he's the obvious choice to teach the ladies about how to contort their bodies in various commercially acceptable ways.

It's also the week where Dominique - already irritating everyone by talking about herself in the third person - takes shit too far. Miffed at not being reminded that it was her turn for the phone, she freaks out at Whitney and calls her racist. I don't know or care what Dominique's ethnicity is: She's a stone-cold nutjob. Yay, drama.

On to the challenge and spoilers, after the jump.

I Don't Know What's Going On In This Video

It appears to my untutored eye, and through the poor video quality, that ethnic Tibetans are trashing ethnic Han shops in an effort to get China to pull out of Tibet. Or vice versa. Or maybe the police are punishing the populace for protests. I'm not sure who's hurting whom here. I'm pretty certain that things are out of hand, though, and that something is horribly, horribly wrong.

"Tudors" Season Premiere Online Now

"The Tudors" returns to Showtime for a second season on Sunday at 9, but at the risk of beheading, someone at the cable network has put the entire season premiere episode online for your cyber viewing pleasure. Simply click here  and when prompted enter the password Royal. And tell 'em MeeVee sent ya.

The episode finds the Catholic Church struggling in vain to control Henry VIII's demands for an annulment, as the King appoints himself head of the Church of England. There's some poisoning, some boiling alive, and the Reformation has begun! Party down! Jonathan Rhys Meyers is the smokin' hot Henry, with Natalie Dormer as Anne Boleyn and, in one of the funniest bits of casting ever, Peter O'Toole as the Pope.

It's All Connected, Man

The writers strike even screwed iTunes, which must now shoot a refund to season pass subscribers.

SciFi Channel Plans "Caprica," Less Interesting Stuff

This week, the people over at The SciFi Channel are hard at work cementing their position as your premiere source for "Doctor Who" reruns, "Battlestar Galactica," and some of the most spectacularly bad made for TV movies known to man. They're rolling out their fall line-up, along with other scintillating news, and we, your loyal friends at Meevee.com, want to be sure that you don't miss a thing.

• Rejoice, all ye BSG fans, for the coming of a prequel is at hand. SciFi has greenlit a two-hour pilot for "Caprica," a story set on Caprica (duh) about 50 years before the start of BSG. As a BSG fan, I'm excited about this, however Io9 would like you to know why prequels are killing your loved ones and pouring sugar in your gas tank.
• In other deeply exciting news, Richard Branson of Virgin Everything is joining the SciFi Channel "Visions of Tomorrow" advisory board. Before getting this information I had no idea that the SciFi Channel had a "Visions of Tomorrow" board, but it sounds suspiciously like something that's pioneered by someone who shortly afterwards declares himself President For Life.

Hey, That Sounds Good - Diablo Cody Times Two!

OK, one of these is a movie, but with lots of TV ties. Fans of "Juno" and "The O.C." will be pleased to hear that Adam Brody, aka that sweet fool Seth from "The O.C.," and J.K. Simmons of "Oz," "Law & Order" and "Juno," have joined the cast of Oscar-winning "Juno" scribe Diablo Cody's next flick. It's called "Jennifer's Body" and stars Megan Fox as Jennifer, a cheerleader gone demonically bad. Brody plays a hunky rocker, Simmons is a science teacher, and we read all about it here.

Meanwhile, John Corbett of "Northern Exposure" and "Sex And The City" has been tapped for "United States of Tara," the Cody-penned Showtime series starring Toni Collette as a woman with that comedy standard, multiple personality disorder. Corbett is her husband, a guy obsessed with finding a way to help her. The pilot's director is Craig Gillespie of "Lars and the Real Girl," which I saw and liked just a few weeks ago. We read all about it here.

Lost For A Season, Michael Returns To "Lost"

AP has a pretty good interview with Harold Perrineau of "Lost," who delivered some harrowing gunshots at the end of season two and then sailed away from the island with his son. For any one of you who's ever pestered an actor in an airport with questions about the future of their character, this will put to rest once and for all the notion that they have any idea what's going to happen. He was pissed off to be sidelined for a season, and he while he believes the producers do have a plan, he doesn't know what it is. "I told myself I had to watch the show, so I at least knew what was going on in case I was brought back, but then I was like, 'Why?' I never knew what was going on before. Why should I start trying to figure it out now?"

Anderson Cooper Swears There Were No Fisticuffs With Charlie Rose

Just Jared says that news heartthrob Anderson Cooper has issued a joking denial that a few stitches on his face were the result of a fistfight with fellow newsman Charlie Rose. He says they're from the removal of a possibly cancerous growth.

Rose has recently attracted notice for his badly bruised face, an injury he attributes to a simple fall sustained while carrying a laptop.

Obviously, I'm unable to take these statements at face value. I don't want to leap to domestic violence conclusions, though. It could also be a newshound's drinking session gone horribly wrong. I'd blame Steve-O's influence for this, but Steve-O's been in rehab - maybe they're been hanging with Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera? Are they investigating an underground boxing club? Or maybe it's a prank, possibly arranged in collaboration with Ashton Kutcher?

I pledge to do whatever it takes to find out, unless it means I have to get out of my chair.

Morning Reading

• Ratings news is good for CBS Monday sitcoms, especially on-the-bubble "How I Met Your Mother," which adds Britney's firepower next week. (Hollywood Reporter)
• Script deets give a hint at how "90210" spinoff will look. (Hollywood Reporter)
• Mariah Carey on "American Idol." Hmmm, ironic, given what the judges keep telling the kids. (TV Squad)
• Holy crap. HBO is abandoning "12 Miles of Bad Road," a Linda Bloodworth Thomason ("Designing Women") project started back in 2006, starring Lily Tomlin. And they're killing it with six episodes in the can. It must have been really bad. (TV Decoder)
• Hey, I know someone who actually has a digital TV converter box! (TV Barn)
• Robin Williams will guest on the 200th ep of "Law & Order: SVU." (TV Guide)

"Jericho": It Gets Real Up In This Piece

Jericho
Title: Sedition
First Aired: 3/18/08

With the penultimate episode of "Jericho," the scramble to wrap up storylines is beginning in a serious way. It seems unlikely, given the numbers, that the citizens of Jericho will be returning to the small screen in the fall, which gives the writers just one more episode to give us a satisfying ending. It's unlikely that the hardcore fans will be satisfied with any resolution that means the show ends, and it's unlikely casual watchers will be very impressed by a sudden, desperate wrap-up, so things don't look so promising for next week's episode. This week's episode isn't bad, though it has the feeling of the pieces being positioned on the chess board in readiness for the big finale.

Tonight's Picks: Wednesday, March 19

Tonight, it seems like just about everything is reality evictions. (Say, that's a good idea for a reality show for the foreclosure crisis: Stave off eviction! If you lose, you don't just get kicked off the show, you get kicked out of your house!) Anyway, tonight's options are reality results shows or or the emotionally grueling gravitas of "In Treatment." Pick your poison.

American Idol
One contestant is sent home.

Big Brother
One contestant is sent home.

Survivor: Micronesia: Fans vs. Favorites
Two contestants are sent home.
 

"Beauty And The Geek" Still Can't Rap

The "Beauty And The Geek" producers will probably admit that their show isn't really breaking any new ground any more, and that it's not raking in the ratings either - not placed opposite "American Idol," even if you assume your entire audience has dual-input PVRs and can record the show while paying attention to Simon Cowell. That means it's not likely to have a fifth season.

I don't think anyone's going to be mourning it when it goes. It's had a nice run, to be honest. I liked it a lot the first couple of seasons, but despite the girl-geek and dumb beefcake twist for the third, I just didn't care as much. And this time? Beauties vs. Geeks doesn't lead to any kind of personal growth, really. Not during tonight's episode, anyway. Assigned to put together a talent show, the boys decide on a project manager, choose a format, and begin rehearsing, while the girls bicker incessantly without any kind of direction. Neither team gains any respect for the other, although several of the beauties admit they have little talent aside from posing, and fear the geeks may take the challenge.

Then, it gets slightly interesting: Since the women can't cooperate, they just all go flirt with the boys. Amber, in particular, flirts shamelessly with the boy in the sweater-vest. Why? Not just because he's cute, but because the winning team picks which members of the losing team to send to the elimination challenge. Whoever gets the most friends on the opposite side gets extra chances even when their team loses.

It's still not as interesting a concept as making beauties and geeks cooperate, but I guess it's kind of interesting.

Spoilers, etc. after the jump.   

"American Idol" Liveblog! KooKoo KaChoo!

It's Beatles Night II, and the sound you hear is Paul McCartney's divorce accountant - don't tell me he doesn't have one - sighing with relief at the thought that tomorrow's iTunes downloads will take care of at least a small chunk of the $48 mil he owes Heather. The question is whether the kids will have learned from last week's various disasters and smartened up about song choices.

First ass-sucking cross-promo of the night: Ryan sez, "Speaking of Paula and her new single..." Ugh. At least there's no Jim Carrey in an elephant suit like last week. At least so far. Maybe Rupert will make them do a blurb for the Wall Street Journal. Ooops, time for the Beatles 101 video. I wonder if Randy will pop up as another "Fifth Beatle." And here come the contestants...

First up: Rock nurse Amanda Overmyer and her two-tone hair. She's singing "Back in the USSR." She's off the rhythm and a little shouty. She rocks, though. The only problem is, it's a freakin' Beatles song, with more layers than any of these kids can find. Paul McCartney rocked it hard - but with some whole other level of hilarious irony. Simon says she's in danger of becoming predictable and boring.

"Colbert" Explains The Economy

"Nation, it’s tempting to say that our economy is in the crapper.  But I think that’s unfair.  It is past the crapper, down the tubes, out the illegal runoff pipe into the ocean where lobsters are feeding on it." Be sure to watch the clip all the way through the end, where he explains that if you give up looking for work, the unemployment rate goes down, and low unemployment is good, so to help the economy, you should go back to bed and stop trying to find a new job. It totally makes sense!

Omar From "The Wire" On A Comedy Show

New York Magazine has a preview clip of Michael K. Williams (Omar Little on "The Wire") on "The Human Giant," an MTV sketch comedy product. Pretty funny, actually, and it also teaches an important lesson: Never trust a magician.

"The Riches" Return To FX Tonight

And their situation is, if anything, going downhill. The Malloy family of con artists has been living well for three months by stealing the identities of the well-to-do but unfortunately deceased Riches. At the end of last season, though, an old friend of the Riches popped up and was ready to blow their cover. As the second season of "The Riches" opens tonight at 10 on FX, the old friend will wind up in the formerly-living category himself. And the Malloys are forced to split up, with Dahlia and the kids hitting the road while Wayne returns to the Riches' mansion to try to clean up their mess, both literally and figuratively.

"The Riches" is one of the morally ambiguous series that peppered cable like shotgun pellets after the success of "The Sopranos." Its closest contemporaries are Showtime's "Weeds" and FX's own "Breaking Bad," shows in which desperate circumstances drive suburbanites to a life of crime. "The Riches" is a little different, in that its desperate circumstances drive criminals to a life as suburbanites. In all three series, though, we find ourselves rooting for the lawbreakers while clever scripts pose questions about the difference between straight and criminal society, crooks and businessmen, "travelers" and our own families.

The scripts bring the noize but the actors make us care. Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver are stone-cold wonders as Wayne and Dahlia. Brazenness is a lifestyle for these two characters, and that can be a problem in a marriage. As always, Dahlia wants to stay true to their "traveler" lifestyle, always on the grift, stealing to get through every day: "It's what we do." But Wayne has bigger plans for his family. He still wants to stay put and steal the American dream.

"Sex And The City" Theme Drinks

Houlihan's and Skyy vodka are teaming up to produce "Sex And The City" themed drinks, report Salon and the Times, along with other irritating tie-ins. It's a perfect choice. As they point out so charmingly, "Nothing says classy like theme cocktails at Houlihan's."

I understand, of course, the point of aspirational marketing, but it's a hell of a stretch to sell suburban fast-casual with urban sophisticated trappings. Plenty of bars have "Sex And The City" nights and serve Cosmopolitans, but it has to be apparent to everyone that Carrie and her pals would never drink Skyy (they'd be Ciroc or Grey Goose drinkers), or eat at Houlihan's (try Nobu, or skip eating entirely - never too rich or too thin, ladies!). And suburbs? Please. Remember the episode when Samantha balked at attending a play in Brooklyn because "I don't do borough?"

It's a lot like the way that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen don't ever  wear the Mary-Kate And Ashley branded outfits on sale at Wal*Mart, except that we're not marketing to gullible eleven-year-olds. What combination of ignorant, naive, desperate, lonely, and drunk do you have to be to think that you're getting in on the glamor of Sarah Jessica Parker in Manhattan when you go to Houlihan's and buy a Skyy/SATC-branded cocktail?

"Weeds" On DVD And Online

"Weeds" has been the buzzed-about show (pun, of course, intended) for about three years now, so I guess it's about time I started watching it on DVD. I'm not surprised that it's good, but I'm surprised how much I like it. It's basically an edgy sitcom, and I don't usually like sitcoms, because I don't usually like the way pain and social awkwardness get played for laughs. It's just not my thing.

But despite the fact that this is a show where the characters consistently pick the least practical, most absurd way to deal with the world around them, I love it.  Even Kevin Nealon, whom I've never found funny, is absolutely perfect as the burned-out CPA. And of course, Mary Louise Parker is a genius. I can't wait to get to the parts where Mary-Kate Olsen and Snoop Dogg show up.

Fortunately, I don't have to wait long, because the show is available not only on DVD but also online at SHO.com.   Hooray for the Internet!

If you haven't seen the show yet, start here, with Season 1, Episode 1:

Simon Cowell Hired A Publicist

Simon Cowell's publicist must be very good, because they got him an appearance on "Oprah's Big Give" and for a mere $162,000 (pocket change at today's exchange rates, especially for a man worth 100 million pounds) he was able to tell OK! Magazine that "I never knew that doing good could feel so good." I hope the publicist got a big bonus on that media score, because it takes a hell of a lot of talent and luck to make Simon look like a kind and generous human being.

Hell, it takes a lot of talent and luck to make him look like a human being. That's more his makeup and special effects team, though, and we already know they're masters at the craft.

It Makes Sense To Me

Yeah, those pressure-washer nozzles are pretty harsh to use on skin. I mean, it would have made more sense to use a bucket and a rag. Still, if my kid had a poop-covered temper tantrum, I'd probably be tempted to turn any available hose on the little monster. I have a lot of sympathy for the mom here.

Morning Reading: Miley No Longer Destiny's Child

• Everybody calls her Miley Ray Cyrus, so she's ditching that pesky birth name, with mom and dad's permission. Makes signing all those checks so much easier. (E! Online)
• More bad news for "Jericho" fans: The Numbers. (Hollywood Reporter)
• "American Idol" gadfly Votefortheworst.com has chosen Amanda Overmyer to support this year. Maybe just because she has Sanjaya hair. (E! Online)
• Wow, our second Joss Whedon item of the day. Apparently he's got Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion in a three-part web musical he wrote during the strike. (GMMR)
• George Clooney not to be dragged into "ER" finale. Once again, he's making all the right moves. (TV Squad)

Finally, everybody on the Internet this morning is posting the CBS pic of Britney Spears on the set of next week's "How I Met Your Mother" episode, with Josh Radnor and Sarah Chalke, so here it is. Now is it just me, or does she look like her meds just kicked in?

What Will Whedon's "Dollhouse" Look Like?

Fanboys and geeks of all stripes across the nation are waiting with bated breath to see what "Dollhouse," the latest offering from Master Of All Geeks Joss Whedon, will be like. We know that Buffy's Eliza Dushku will star, which many people consider a pro (I always found her a little wooden, honestly, but that may have been colored by my dislike of Faith as a character), and we know that it will be on Fox, which Whedon fans like to refer to as They Who Killed Firefly (alright, that might just be me).

The lovely ladies (and gentlemen) of Io9 have gotten their mitts on some script pages from the new show, and they are more than happy to share the wealth in the form of spoiler-ish info on what will be coming our way. Beware, "Lost" fans, scrolling down the page will give you a few fairly mildly spoilers for what's upcoming on that show as well, so click at your own risk!

Tonight's Picks: Tuesday, March 18

American Idol
The top eleven singers perform.

Jericho
The Rangers mete out vigilante justice, and the Mayor fights back to prove he's in charge. Meanwhile, Hawkins and Chavez arrange to transport a bomb.

Beauty And The Geek
After a talent show, a desperate beauty tries to stay in the house. Followed by a very special "Big Brother" in which the Power Of Veto competition is held. Actually it's not that special. In fact, it's a regular episode. I just wanted an excuse to say "very special."

Passing Judgement On The "DWTS" Season Premiere

Few things are as aggressively mediocre as "Dancing With The Stars," a descendant of the venerable variety show that's now in its sixth season. The contest pairs a nominal celebrity (illusionist/comedian Penn Jillette, Elvis Presley's ex-wife Priscilla) with a pro ballroom dancer, and has them dance. The appeal, I imagine, consists of fifty percent glamor and fifty percent schadenfreude at seeing our betters do something they suck at.

No, I don't like this show. But it's one of the most popular TV concepts in the world, and I'm honor-bound to give it a chance. Tonight, I'm going to watch all the boys dance and tell you who can actually pull it off. While I'm doing that, I'll have my own challenge: Can I actually appreciate the show as more than a showcase of breast-taping technology?

First up: Penn Jillette (right) is not exactly anyone's idea of an elegant  dancer. Yes, he's got performance skills - and pulling the magic flowers out of his sleeve was kind of cute - but I doubt he'll stay on the show for long, no matter how endearing his bearish self-effacement. Still, it's impressive that a dude that size could move as gracefully as he did. It's sort of like watching a walrus do tricks with a beach ball - he'll tide you over until the dolphins come on.

When Robots Do Our Playing For Us

Best YouTube find of the week goes to Ectomo, the blog of strange and unsettling phenomena. Behold: A dog playing fetch with a ball-throwing machine.

"Firefly" Online For Free

Got fourteen or fifteen hours to spare? Good. Go ahead. Sink in. Watch "Firefly" from beginning to end. So what if it absorbs several workdays? You know you want to see Nathan Fillion and Summer Glau kicking ass across the universe.

"Delightfully Creepy" Is Right

Slate calls the new grownup-oriented late-night Cheetos ads "delightfully creepy" and they're right. Chester has begun to act more like a psychotic hallucination and less like a brand mascot. And nothing is more delightfully creepy than a psychotic hallucination urging you to eat cheese snacks.

Discovery's Car Channel, Of Sorts

Discovery Communications, the umbrella corporation behind The Discovery Channel, TLC, Animal Planet, BBC America, FitTV, and so forth, also has a car-freak offering: Turbo. Launched as a website  in '06, and added to video-on-demand lineups last year, it's also managed to colonize the regular Discovery Channel's Thursday nights. Its existence is something like what Adult Swim is to the Cartoon Network: More than a block of programming, less than a standalone channel.

Anyway, they've got a show called "Twist The Throttle" that could almost be promising to motorcycle lovers, but turns out to be as dull as watching oil drip from a crankcase.

You see, motorcyclists often complain that shows like "American Chopper" aren't about the bikes so much as they are about family bickering. And of course the choppers on those shows aren't exactly rideable, not like production bikes. What bikers want, they say, is a show about motorcycles and how awesome they are.

So, Discovery had some guys travel around the world visiting motorcycle manufacturers and testing bikes, to make a show about motorcycles and how awesome they are. Sadly, it turns out that without the family bickering, all you get is pretty pictu