TV with MeeVee

BSG Scorecard: Paranoia Will Destroy Ya

Welcome back, "Battlestar Galactica," you've been missed. Never has the "previously on" been more necessary - it seemed like season 3 ended somewhere back in the Reagan presidency. Were it not for the miracle of the DVD I'd be forced to resort to Wikipedia to remember the names of all the characters. With all that waiting, does BSG live up to all our expectations?

In a word, yes. Even though we spend a good chunk of the episode playing through the fairly expected consequences of the big cliffhanger from last season, it remains interesting and tense, and in true BSG style the last few minutes leave you staring at the screen like some kind of slack-jawed yokel. Having pioneered the Extremely Scientific Scorecard(tm) for "Lost," I will use it to measure the approximate awesome-osity of "Battlestar Galactica." How do things stack up?

Weekend Picks: April 5-6

Dexter
A suicidal man is dead. His psychiatrist is a murder suspect. Is Dexter involved?

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations
Tony goes to Ghana to learn about the arts, architecture, and of course food of the African nation.

Oprah's Big Give
Four contestants hit New York City in the philanthropy competition. Guests Jada Pinkett Smith and  Natalie Cole join in the good deeds and fun.

Kick Off Your Weekend With A Few Shooters Of TV News

• I forgot to tell you this morning, but Fox has renewed "King of the Hill" for a 13th season. I'm so sorry, thinking of how different your life would have been if you'd known sooner.
• A recap of last night's "Survivor" with the excellent verb "man crushing," and it doesn't mean what you think. I am really liking this season with all its reverses and backstabbings. (Buddy TV)
• The NY Times isn't known for its wacky headlines, but the paper's TV blog has a good one today: "CSI Returns To Bury Fifth-Grader." (TV Decoder)
• A more serious look at the Thursday numbers, and the results of the Britney-vs.-Paris guest-star derby. (TV By The Numbers)
• Re: "The Office" spin-off, "Don't eff it up, NBC." Well put. (Tifaux)

Empire Magazine Publishes Not-So-Great "Great" List

The people over at Empire Magazine have published a list of what they identify as the 50 greatest TV shows of all time, or possibly just the first 50 TV shows their interns could name. You can't please everyone with these lists, in fact starting arguments is part of the idea, and "great" couldn't be more subjective, so I always cut these kinds of lists a little slack. This time, however, there is not enough slack in the world. I can't even tell what Empire Magazine is trying to say with this list, except perhaps that popularity is more important than good writing and there was no good television before 1989 (unless it was British television, where we at least have "Black Adder," "Fawlty Towers" and "Doctor Who").

Sure, some of their picks are widely held as great television. They give a nod to the fantastic cult-classic "Arrested Development," and wisely give the #13 spot to "Battlestar Galactica," but in what universe does "Prison Break" belong on a Top 50 list? It's clear the writers of this list and I share some tastes, but even as a huge fangirl for all things Whedonesque I have to wonder if it's legit to put all three of Joss's shows in the top 50 while ignoring, say, "The Twilight Zone" or "The Prisoner." In the handful of sitcoms that are acknowledged, we're gonna give the nod to "Scrubs" and not "The Dick Van Dyke Show?" Really? Lists like this are ultimately a forgettable curiosity, something to flip through while you're waiting in a doctor's office, but I don't think I've ever seen one that was trying so hard for irrelevancy.

Chappelle's Block Party: Mature Audiences On Friday

Maybe it's the excitement of Friday afternoon, but I started laughing before David Chappelle's Block Party even got underway. Why? The announcer warning that it's for "Matooor" audiences only. Bwahahaha.

"Battlestar Galactica" Returns: A Motherfrakking Overview

We've already given fans a preview of tonight's season-premiere episode of "Battlestar Galactica" and a conversation with Katee Sackhoff, who plays Starbuck. Oh, and here's a bonus interview with Jamie Bamber from our friends at TV Addict, and a discussion about the Cylon religion (Cylontology?) over at io9. So all that's left is to offer up this "What The Frak" eight-minute video review of the entire series for newbies, and then I guess we're ready...

Head Injuries Caused By Tennis, Rage

A normal tennis injury would be a pulled muscle or a damaged elbow. But Mikhail Youzhny became famous for a self-inflicted wound. After hitting a ball into the net, the frustrated player whacked himself in the forehead with his racket a couple times, drawing blood and millions of internet viewers. After a quick break to stop the bleeding, he recovered his composure and returned to the court to win the game. Here's the clip:

"Make Me A Supermodel" Ends In Victory

"Make Me A Supermodel" crowned the right person winner: Holly, the girl from a very small town in southwestern Virginia. Yes, Ben was adorable, and Perry was hot, and Ronnie was cuter than pie. But Holly was a winner.

Besides, Perry is an idiot. When your girlfriend cheats on you with Britney Spears' boyfriend, you do not say "everything happens for a reason." You say "goodbye" or "I forgive you." You do not assume that Britney Spears' boyfriend's wandering hands are a message from God.

My feelings about Holly deserving to win were confirmed when we got to see the boys grouse backstage. They had no idea how strong a model she was.

If you can't get enough modeling, check out Bravo's marathon of the UK version of "Supermodel" all day today.

Smoke A Morning Rock Of TV News

• Britney and Paris, who's on top? Write your own joke. (TV By The Numbers)
• Ausiello says ABC is once again trying for sloppy seconds, positioning itself to pick up "New Adventures of Old Christine" should CBS not renew. (TV Guide)
• Review of last night's "My Name Is Earl" return. best line: "The sad part is that, all things considered, it's easier to believe that Randy can talk to the Almighty than it is that Paris (Hilton) would read to someone in a coma.(TV Squad)
• Irresponsible speculation on "Smallville" shakeup. (TV Addict)
• Fox boss mocks Silverman: “Was he strapped to a lie detector when he said it?” (Broadcasting & Cable)
• We are all hopeless slaves to the box: the strike didn't cut into our viewing hours much. (Hollywood Reporter)

OK, now here's a video of the Paris Hilton "Earl" cameo:

Tonight's Picks: Friday, April 4

Canterbury's Law
New: A jury-tampering indictment is all in a day's work for Elizabeth Canterbury. Also involved: Two high school girls who get caught up in the murder of a classmate.

Numbers
New: A drug raid uncovers a sinister plot. More sinister than just selling drugs, I mean. Drug dealing isn't really that much of a crime, you know. At least, I think that's the lesson CBS is trying to send us here.

Bones
Repeat: A woman's body is found in an underground tunnel; She's making a documentary about the homeless people who live there, but there's more than just homelessness going on underground.

"The Biggest Loser" Complainers

TV Squad says they're tired of people whining and crying on "The Biggest Loser." Please! The crying is the best part! It's half the reason I watch any reality-TV program (the other half is the totally absurd fighting).

Afternoon Link-A-Teria

• Checking in with "Scrubs." No news on next season yet. (Buddy TV)
• He's not fucking Jimmy Kimmel, but he does like him. (Boston Globe)
• Oops she's in negotiations to do it again. Britney might return to "How I Met Your Mother." (Televisionista)
• Date set for AFTRA talks, anyway. (Deadline Hollywood Daily)
• Slate on Ben Silverman's "infront" announcement. (Slate)

Zane Lamprey Is A Great Name

International pub crawl "Three Sheets" hit the Chilean port city Valparaiso for its season premiere. In this video, host Zane Lamprey tells us all about the history of Chilean wine growing - especially Carmeniere and phylloxera - and then goes out for pisco sours and ends up fighting with his cameraman. You can catch more on the Mojo network.

"Smallville" Creators Not So Super Anymore

In a surprise move, the creators and executive producers of "Smallville" announced that they were calling it quits. In a letter released to the press, Al Gough and Miles Millar announced that this season would be their last, saying that, "After much heartache and debate we have decided it is time for us to move on." If you were hoping for some juicy dirt from the letter, you're out of luck. Gough and Miles thank their staff and the fans for all their support, but aside from a slightly passive-aggressive note about "never compromising their vision," they don't give a window into why they're suddenly departing what they themselves point out is the #1 scripted show on the CW.

As any fan of "The Gilmore Girls" will tell you, losing the masterminds at the center of a show can deal it a death blow. The final season of Rory and Lorelei Gilmore's adventures was painful to watch in parts, and I'm sure many fans would have preferred it had ended when the Sherman-Palladino team left the building. Such change might be even more painful for a "mythology" show, too - who wants to see "Buffy" without Joss Whedon's guiding hand? What do you think, "Smallville" fans, will the show be worth watching after regime change?

Want to know just what was said? For those curious souls, we have included the full text of the letter after the jump.

"CSI: Two And A Half Men"

Oh, this is gonna be fun! Charlie Harper talks about decomposition! Gil Grissom gets laid at the beach! The planned one-episode writing-staff swap between "CSI" and "Two And A Half Men" is a go, sez TV Guide. The episodes of both CBS shows will air in May. As long rumored, the "Two And A Half Men" scribes led by Chuck Lorre will be killing off a bitchy sitcom diva - any resemblance to Lorre's previous bosses Cybill Shepherd and Rosanne definitely intended. No leaks yet on the sitcom script penned by the "CSI" writers, although I'm wondering nervously if we'll see any "CSI"-style
                                      animated views inside Charlie Harper's very busy penis.

"Top Model" Goes To Visit Planet Product Placement

Brand-name GPS phones guided "America's Next Top Model" contestants on their go-sees last night as they called on a bunch of brand-name designers. Aside from product placement, though, the themes of the evening were bitchery and the way that the modeling industry is weirdly specific. Lauren and Fatima fought over coffee. Dominique was rude and Whitney was annoyed, and Dominique thought it was because Whitney is "intimidated" by how "confident" Dominique is. No, it was because Dominique is a horrible person.

Specificity: One designer insisted on size two models, rejecting Fatima (too skinny) and Whitney (too fat.) I find it irritating that sizes zero or two are the aspiration for sizes four through ten, and size ten is the aspiration for sizes twelve and up. But then, I'm also annoyed that size five shoes are the display-case standard, when almost nobody wears size five shoes and you can't even change your shoe size.

Oh yeah, and we also learned that Lauren has no social skills and can't walk. I'm not surprised that she had trouble, but I'm surprised that she hasn't really improved her walk in any way.

"Idol Gives Back:" No Marvin Gaye From Beyond The Grave

Last year on "Idol Gives Back," Celine Dion performed a kind of creepy duet with a hologram of Elvis Presley. This year, Mariah Carey will be on stage, and there were rumors she'd be accompanying the late great Marvin Gaye.

Fortunately for the deceased, the rightsholders for his legacy have refused to allow it. Executive Producer Nigel Lythgoe nixed the rumors yesterday on a conference call, saying that "Idol" had been unable to secure the rights for the performance.

Marvin Gaye fans everywhere are breathing sighs of relief.

"The Office" Spinoff? Seriously? NBC Announces Plans

Trolling the blogs for everyone's thoughts on NBC's "infront" schedule announcement...

• TV By The Numbers says it's pretty much a carbon copy of last year's fall sked and likely to get crushed in the ratings. (TV By The Numbers)
• "No. No. No. No. No." (Tifaux)
• At least there's good news for "Friday Night Lights" fans. The show will return to NBC after the 13 new episodes air first on DirectTV's "The 101" channel. (Televisionista)
• The TV Addict likes it. Well, except for "Shark Taggers." (TV Addict)
• Much scuttlebutt on the as-yet unwritten "Office" spinoff, including several claims that it's going to be based around Ryan and Kelly. OMG! (TV Squad)
• Buddy TV likes it, mainly because of "The Office" getting the post-Super Bowl display slot in early 2009. And I agree, yea to that!

Tonight's Picks: Thursday, April 3

Lost
Is this a rerun, or are the same confusing storylines beginning to repeat themselves seamlessly?

Make Me A Supermodel
Finale: Three of the self-centered beauties go home and one of them is crowned "supermodel." Not endorsed by the International Supermodel Certification Authority.

Miss/Guided
Finale: Rumer Willis guest-stars as a rebellious student who pulls a fire alarm. Also, Becky and Lisa both lust after the same guy. Preceded by another episode involving a high school musical. Not the "High School Musical." Just a high school musical.

"American Idol" Punts Another Underachiever

First of all, Simon Cowell owes me an apology for - predictably - lasting only about 10 minutes with his pledge to never apologize again. The ongoing wussification of the sharp-tongued but mostly dead-accurate Simon is perhaps one reason for the slight downward creep in "American Idol" ratings this season. The hissy fits among the judges in early seasons have nicened up into a kind of, well, can I say, cruise ship dinner theater? And no, I'm not apologizing for that.

THINGS I HATED ABOUT TONIGHT'S RESULTS SHOW:

• The idiots who booed Simon's criticism of Carly's clothes last night. She sang this beautiful song, but looked like some jukebox-humping barfly who just needs a place to sleep, man. Am I right? ---->
• The fact that cutesy pie David Archuleta is never in the bottom three. I want to see him cry for some reason other than the wonderful sentiments contained in the ballads he always chooses to sing. My grandma would love him.
• The capering and mugging in the weekly Ford commercial that is the biggest public humiliation required of the contestants for the chance to play the game - not the only humiliation, I'm sure, but the only one completely unrelated to music and most directly like eating a shit sandwich. Ask this week's mentor Dolly Parton, though, and I'm sure she'd tell you it's the price of the ride.

THINGS I LOVED ABOUT TONIGHT'S RESULTS SHOW:

• Performances by the Clark Brothers and Dolly Parton. The Clarks rock even when they're playing acoustic and singing about Jesus - they're the punkiest country has been since Jerry Lee, or at least when Steve Earle was on smack. And Dolly's voice might not be as supple as it once was, but girlfriend can preach.
• Even I can't hate stories about reuniting orphaned sisters on the horrific streets of Ethiopia. "Idol Gives Back" works.
• Brooke trying to be reasonable, trying to say meaningful things, trying to make the world of "Idol" make sense. It's a doomed effort, but I like her, the way she was like a den mother to her two roomates - all three of them in the final three. When Ryan asked her a simple question at the end there and she got weepy about the bottom three and Dolly and Ethiopia all at once, it was kinda nice. Which makes the Ford commercial even more painful to watch.
• America got it pretty much right and sent Ramiele home.

"Top Chef" Inspires Two Questions

First: Is Andrew really that much of a nutjob/asshole, or do they just edit him that way?

Second: Has anyone judging or cooking in the movie-inspiration challenge actually seen "Talk To Her?" Because it's not a movie about "two strong, vibrant women." It's a movie about two women in comas and their caretakers, one of whom rapes his comatose patient and then commits suicide in prison. Not only was the dish completely unrelated to the movie, it also sucked.

Still, I was impressed by the two movie-inspired dishes that did the best. The "Willy Wonka" dish managed to convey "pure imagination" with the savory use of white chocolate, which is after all just cocoa fat; The "Top Secret" scene where Val Kilmer gets a blowjob from a calf and is then raped by a bull translated perfectly into beef served two ways.

A Sneak Peak At The Battlestar Galactica Premiere

In preparation for the triumphant return of "Battlestar Galactica," the fine folks at the SciFi channel have sent us over the first episode of the new season to preview. The episode came wrapped in a brown paper parcel, which seemed appropriate given how excited I was about a chance to preview it. It also came with dire warnings about ninjas clad in NBC logo masks who would come to my house and silence me permanently were I to so much as breathe a hint of what happens in the fourth act.

However! If you, like me, cannot resist sneaking a glimpse at what lies ahead, there is more on the premiere after the jump. Be assured, within the bounds of what NBC will allow us, it is extremely spoilery.

"Just Say No" Takes On New Enemies: Montana Meth

Defamer says that Alejandro González Iñárritu has signed up to do some anti-drug ads focusing on methamphetamine. I'm not sure which of the spots over at The Meth Project are the ones he's done but they're all very clever and very well produced.

If Officer Bunch from D.A.R.E hadn't come to my fifth grade class and told us all the same things about PCP ("they put it in salt shakers at fast food restaurants!), crack (you're immediately hooked!), marijuana (gateway!), heroin ("you're lucky if you die right away"), and LSD ("birth defects!), I would probably believe them.

Still, the ads are definitely in the category of what the marketing execs who plan them probably call "impactful." They're way creepier and more nightmare-inducing than most of the violent horror movies we've got coming out these days.

Maybe they should make a full-length methsploitation feature, harking back to such brilliant cinematic pieces as "Reefer Madness" (embedded below). I bet they could get ONDCP funding for it, too.

Leno Apologizes

Leno says he's sorry for insulting gay people and at the same time annoying the hell out of Glitterati Gossip's favorite actor, Ryan Philliipe. Damn right he's sorry. He's also not funny. Next!

"Colbert" Loves Lotto, Health Care

My favorite part of "The Colbert Report," is The Word. Combined with my favorite topic of political ranting (health care) it makes for comedy gold:

Hardbody Harrison Life Sentence? Really?

Apparently this is not a joke: Former pro wrestler "Hardbody" Harrison just got a life sentence in a sex trafficking case.

Harrison, shown at left in happier days, is said to have used a fake wrestler training camp to recruit naive and vulnerable women into a life of forced prostitution.

Weird.

Wentworth Miller Sells Out, Fails To Break From Prison

It's mostly known as "Japandering" - US celebrities endorsing products overseas while acting like they're too good to do it for the domestic market. Some people seem to think it's a horrible thing, but I don't care. Besides, it's not like "Prison Break" Wentworth Miller is advertising something totally unrelated to his fame here in this Israeli cable ad. He's just advertising his cable-ready hotness. (See ONTD for a loose translation and the identity of the transvestite pop star he finds blocking his escape tunnel).

"Moonlight:" A 'Save Our Show' Effort I Can Get Behind

Normally I think the whole "save our show" thing is pretty silly, but the fans of vampire-detective yarn "Moonlight" have a good one. They're not just fans out to save their show, they're organizing to show their enthusiasm by doing good for the world: They're holding a blood drive.

Yes, vampires, blood, ha ha. But more importantly, they're doing something that's not just about their own entertainment. Good for them.

The other thing that's clever about this effort is that they're starting it when it might do some good: Not just before the show has been canceled, but also before the show returns for its second season. The buzz from this stunt just might convince people that the show's worth watching, and then fans won't need to start mailing bodily fluids to producers so they can save their favorite vampire from the clutches of bloodsucking TV executives.

"Moonlight" returns to CBS on April 25.

McCain On Letterman

I'm cool. I'm cool. Hey everybody. Look at me smile. I'm John McCain. I'm on a late-night talk show. Letter-Man. I'm not at all similar to Montgomery Burns. Elect me! Vote for me! I'll smile all you want! And rule you with an iron fist!

Tony Shaloub Centers His Tie

"Monk" actor Tony Shaloub really can't get away from his title character, the obsessive-compulsive detective. Sure, he's been in a ton of other stuff - a hundred and some episodes of "Wings," for one thing - but these days he's always spotted looking kind of nervous and apologetic, just like Detective Monk.

Is he that deeply in character? Does he do this all the time or just for photo ops? Let's just make sure that tie is perfectly centered...

Morning Links Are Full Of Spoilers (And Other Fun Stuff)

Want "Dr. Who" season 4 spoilers? (io9)
"Desperate Housewives" has a finale surprise. (Televisionista)
Not a spoiler: A "Big Brother" recap. (TV Squad)
Same with this coverage of "The Riches." (TV Squad)
The U.K. imports "The Hills." WHY? (TVGasm)
James Van Der Beek will guest on "HIMYM." (Televisionista)
"American Idol" singer David Cook health scare over. (Televisionista)
SAG and AMPTP will start talks on the fifteenth. (Nikki Finke)

Tonight's Picks: Wednesday, April 2

America's Next Top Model
Wanna be on top? You'll have to show up to various places on time. Also you have to be photographed in a pool of water.

American Idol
Dolly Parton and the Clark Brothers (from "Next Great American Band") make guest appearances, and one of the final nine gets voted off the show.

Top Chef
Guest judge Daniel Boulud asks the chefs to make tiny vegetable sculptures for him. Then, a movie-themed dinner party with film critic Richard Roeper.

Gordon Ramsay Is A True Culinarian

"I don't understand what Chef Ramsay didn't like about my dish," says "Hell's Kitchen" contestant Matt. He's been asked to produce his "signature dish," on tonight's season premiere, and says that he knows exactly what Chef Ramsay wants because he's "a true culinarian." Not quite: The combination of chocolate, scallops, capers, venison, and eggs actually made Ramsay vomit.

"Hell's Kitchen" has way more ad-hominem attacks and vicious putdowns than a Bravo production, but it just might be more serious about food than "Top Chef." At the very least, it's got less product placement. And as I said last week, host Gordon Ramsay seems genuinely offended and hurt when people mistreat his beloved culinary art.

I'm amused enough that I plan to watch at least another episode or two. Readers: Do you want my running commentary?

Dolly Parton Is "American Idol's" April Fool

Last season, "American Idol" came in for criticism for an excessive emphasis on celebrity mentors. This year they've dialed it back a little, but there's still room for a few. The first is the fabulous Dolly "You have no idea how much it costs to make a person look this cheap" Parton. Still, they're not spending too much time backstage, and they jump to the singing pretty quick.

Very Short Summary: Ramiele Malubay and Kristy Lee Cook should be packing their bags; David Archuleta should hire a lawyer to read over the recording contracts he's going to be offered.

Longer Summary: Brooke White is up first with "Jolene," accompanying herself on guitar. Not bad! Randy is correct when he says this is the right style for her - it's definitely right in the Adult Album-oriented Alternative (AAA) radio demographic. Simon, of course, hates it and hates the performance. Not poppy enough, I guess?

Second in line is David Cook, whose backstage moment is a discussion of how he picks arrangements - a nod to the surprisingly vociferous discussion over his use of Chris Cornell's "Billie Jean" arrangement last week. He does "Little Sparrow," surprising White Stripes fans who had expected him to follow in their footsteps and cover "Jolene." It's much the same style as his other performances, and while it's not as good as "Billie Jean" it's still pretty good.

Ramiele Malubay is shorter than Dolly Parton. Internet says Dolly's 5 feet even, and that Ramiele is an inch less. She sings "Do You Ever Think Of Me?" for ninety seconds and it's boooooorrrrrrring. Would I hire her to sing at my wedding? Yes. Would I buy the album? No. I wouldn't even download the track for free and listen to it again. Paula, of course, loves it, but Randy is unimpressed and Simon is vicious, suggesting she get on a cruise ship. I agree with Simon. Maybe I'm just that evil.

"Everybody Loves Raymond" Curse Bad As "Seinfeld's?"

Much as I want to throttle him - for the endless "Bee Movie" cross promotions of the last, what, five years? - Jerry Seinfeld is looking smarter and smarter for not coming back to series TV. And I bet Ray Romano will soon be wishing he'd followed Jerry's example.

Seinfeld's three co-stars have yet to capture even a sliver of their old magic. OK, OK, Julia Louis-Dreyfus is getting decent numbers for "The New Adventures of Old Christine," but have you seen the show? There are laughs, yes, but many squirms too, and not the good kind. Consider last night's cameo by Jason Alexander, which consisted of two scenes with him playing her OB-GYN. When he palpated her breasts, it made me long for, well, any of the crap shows Alexander has starred in since "Seinfeld."

Now, word is Romano has signed a deal for a TNT drama called "Men Of  A Certain Age," in which he plays a middle-aged frump, a divorced party-store owner who always wanted to be a professional golfer. Now he and two friends - a struggling actor and a car salesman - face their midlife crises together. Sounds like a frickin' nightmare to me, a Baby Boomer whine fest, like "Everybody Loves Raymond" after the kids grew up and that bitch Debra dumped him.

"Raymond" alums are doing about as badly as "Seinfeld" alums in prime time. Besides Romano, consider Brad Garrett in "'Til Death" - aka "A Fate Worse Than..." - and Debra, I mean Patricia Heaton, in "Back To You," which is better than "'Til Death," but hey, relativity only gets you so far. Given that they're both on Fox, they could both come back next season. If not maybe the two of them can get something together with Michael Richards. Oh, wait...

Smallville, belated

No, that's not the episode title, that's a mesa culpa from your blogger so you know it's my fault and not Steve's that this is just getting posted now. Major memory lapse caused by too much reality TV during the writers strike. Anyway...

Show: Smallville
Episode: “Varitas”
First Aired: 3/27/08

In the beginning of its run, a huge joy of “Smallville” was seeing the young Clark Kent develop his superpowers. Instead of getting them all at one time as seen in previous incarnations of the Man of Steel, this series had his powers emerge one at a time. One episode dealt with invulnerability, another with super hearing.  Some had scary repercussions, some comical (the episode with heat vision triggered by a hot teacher comes to mind).  However, after a couple of seasons, every power had developed. Except one.

"How I Met Your Mother" Bracket More Interesting Than NCAA

The web site, tedmosbyisajerk.com, is a little undercooked compared to some of the TV side projects we've seen lately, but what makes it truly a "How I Met Your Mother" thing is that it was really Barney Stinson who treated some woman in jerky fashion. He was just using Ted's name when he did whatever he did that inspired her to create the web site. Kind of ironic. This is supposed to be a show about Ted - the "I" in the title - but once again he's the least interesting character on it.

Monday's episode was a gem, as Barney used March Madness-style bracket mania to get his pals to help him figure out which of his past conquests was dissing him to potential future conquests. You could almost imagine them doing the episode even if they weren't on CBS, home of the NCAA tournament. Almost.

All Danny Noriega, All The Time

Someone knows what to do with his fifteen minutes of "American Idol" fame: Turn it into a YouTube channel.

"Square Pegs" Gives A Look At A Younger Sarah Jessica Parker

Just in time for the "Sex And The City" movie release, the early-eighties teen sitcom "Square Pegs," starring a very young Sarah Jessica Parker, has hit DVD.

According to ONTD, the critically-acclaimed show lasted just one season not because of poor ratings but because of inexperienced staff and a drugged-up cast.

Hey, it was the 80s: Big hair, silly sunglasses, and mountains of coke were par for the course. 

Schweppes Ad Makes Me Thirsty

Seriously, I think we need to get the word "schweppervescence" back into daily usage. I'm really craving a ginger ale. With gin in it.

"Deadliest Catch" Gets Ready For Season 4

Discovery's "The Deadliest Catch" heads out to sea for a fourth season of stormy crab-fishing on April 15. It looks awesome and dashing and all, but what I want to know is where I can get one of those snappy orange-and-yellow rain outfits. Do they come in eco-friendly low-impact editions like the stuff at the HBO store?

Live Action "Simpsons" Casting

Ever since that live-action "Simpsons" opening sequence awhile back it's been something of a game to come up with the best possible casting list for a live-action "Simpsons" episode or movie.  Filmonic has an excellent list, starting with Paul Giamatti as Homer and Lorraine Bracco as Marge.

Do you think their list is better than this clip?

"The Wire" And "The Sopranos" Go Eco-Friendly?

I don't think this is an April Fool's joke: HBO has launched an "eco-friendly" version of their accessories and tchotchkes store. It includes such wonderful ways to treat the earth right as a "Sopranos" mousepad (left, made of recycled rubber) or a "Sex And The City" reusable dry-cleaning bag.

Of course, if you actually cared about the earth you'd stop dry-cleaning as much, but while you're pretending to care, having a SATC-logo dry-cleaning bag is probably close enough, right?

CBS Cancels "Big Brother," Renews "Jericho" For Two Full Seasons

I don't know what it is about April Fool's that just brings out the cruelty in me. But no, CBS will not dump their modestly well rated piece of evil crap for their poorly rated cult fave. I am just toying with you. It's what I do on 4/1. Besides this is one of my last days before I leave MeeVee to join the Obama campaign as senior blogger - literally, blogger for voters over 40. It's a chance to make a difference, you know? Ah! You fell for that, too? Maybe you should have some more coffee... Anyway, here is some morning reading...

• By percentage of audience, "Reaper" is the most time-shifted show in prime time. (TV By The Numbers)
• Normally I don't care about these which-fictional-character-would-win-a-fight items, but Sawyer's "general misanthropy doesn’t always translate to fighting prowess" is pretty funny. (Tifaux)
• I am not the only one with an evil sense of 4/1 fun. (TV By The Numbers)
• Paula has picked her "American Idol" final four. Woot. (TV Guide)
• And still more 4/1 fun. With "Friends." Kee-rist, I hope that's what this is. (TV Addict)
• If the "Prison Break" news about the return of Dr. Sara had broken today, I would have thought it was 4/1 fun. A producer says Wentworth Miller was notified by email, which makes me wonder about communication on the set. (Buddy TV)
• The Beek on HIMYM as a Robin Sparkles crush! And if you understand that, you read too many TV blogs. (GMMR)

Katee Sackhoff Talks BSG Season 4

One of the most compelling figures in "Battlestar Galactica" is easily Kara Thrace, A.K.A. Starbuck. Originally treated by fans with some suspicion - mostly surrounding the idea that their beloved Starbuck could work as a chick - actress Katee Sackhoff successfully transformed the hard-drinking, seriously crazy fighter pilot into a fan favorite. She followed this success up with a turn as Sarah Corvus, the evil sex-bomb villain on David Eick's "Bionic Woman," and while that show might have been a loser, there's no question that she stole every scene she was in. In preparation for the anticipated return of "Battlestar Galactica," Sackhoff sat down with journalists to discuss her status as a sci-fi icon, and what's in store for Starbuck in the final season. (Couple spoilers ahead, but probably none that you haven't heard already.)

Tonight's Picks: Tuesday, April 1

Beauty And The Geek
The beauties and geeks are finally put into teams of one beauty and one geek each, but the challenges remain individual: The beauties must make science presentations while the geeks join Dr. Drew Pinsky to host a sex-advice radio show.

American Idol
The top nine singers get coaching from Dolly Parton as they perform her songs.

Big Brother 9
It's bigger and more fraternal than ever!

The Biggest Loser
The five remaining players fly to Australia for more fitness competition. If they overflow their seats on the plane, do they have to buy extras, or will some poor schlimazel get squished for the entire 36-hour flight?

Hugh Laurie Just Doesn't Stop Being Great

The Times (UK) has an extensive feature on our pal Hugh Laurie this week. As usual, the profile emphasizes his pessimism, his reluctance to move his kids to the US despite the ongoing success of "House," and his discomfort with fame and fortune.

Of course, he doesn't whine about it. He says everything's going really well - it's only that he keeps fearing it's going to collapse any minute. The article quotes him as saying  "Southern California is beautiful. There is a real sensuous pleasure in riding to work [on his Triumph motorbike] at half past five in the morning." It also notes that he's “a huge admirer of the openness, energy, optimism and dynamism of Americans… " while ridiculing "this idea that Americans have no sense of irony – I mean, Americans hardly do anything unironically these days. If you want a drink of water, you have to say, ‘I really don’t want a drink of water.'"

I know I don't do anything unironically these days. Especially not watch or write about television. Or motorcycles. (Note that Hugh is riding an MV Agusta, not a Triumph, in that photo, and that he's doing it without a helmet on. I disapprove on both counts.)

Ashlee Simpson Won't Be On SNL Again

Ashlee Simpson won't be returning to "Saturday Night Live" to promote her next album. She says it's