The Simpsons Lisa's film gets accepted to Sundance, and the Simpsons are going to Park City, Utah! Guest voice: Director Jim Jarmusch ("Dead Man," "Down By Law")
Desperate Housewives Lynette learns more about the arson at Rick's restaurant, Susan reconnects with her ex, Karl. If they're still just as desperate after all these years, maybe they should consider psychotherapy or meditation or something. I'm just saying.
Dexter Back-to-back "Dexter" episodes, in which the Ice Truck Killer continues to taunt Dexter with gruesome messages and clues about his past.
Show: Smallville
Episode: “Apocalypse”
First Aired: 5/1/08
The 150th episode of “Smallville,” as directed by star Tom Welling,
falls into line with Marvel’s “What If…?” and DC’s Elseworlds comic
books - stories that offer readers a glance at alternate versions of
their favorite characters. “Apocalypse” does the same for the viewer.
In this case the question is, What would Smallville be like if baby
Kal-El had never arrived? The answer is Clark’s own version of “It’s a
Wonderful Life,” and Smallville proves to be much bleaker than Bedford
Falls ever was. Whereas evil Mr. Potter opened up bars and strip clubs,
evil Mr. Luthor starts a nuclear war.
CW's "Reaper" was one of my favorites among the new shows last fall, and now we're fighting to save it. How much does that suck?
Already it appears that "Aliens In America," another smart CW show, has been canceled, since cast members are taking other jobs, including a gig for Adhir Kalyan, who played Raja, on "Nip/Tuck."
Now "Reaper" has been listed as "on the bubble," and star Bret Harrison's web site is half-seriously suggesting that we follow the lead of "Jericho" fans and their peanuts and bury CW executives under an avalanche of tube socks. Because, you see, Harrison's everyman hero Sam Oliver finds much-needed comic relief with Tyler Labine's feral, Belushian sidekick Bert 'Sock' Wysocki.
I can't say the example of "Jericho" is ultimately all that inspiring - they got the show back on the air, for seven episodes, and even fewer people watched it this season. So buh-bye. In a way that sucks even more than a simple cancellation. But "Reaper" deserves to live.
After seven seasons of bald, handsome villainy, Michael Rosenbaum is ready to take a break from playing the Junior Miss edition of one of the most famous supervillains. In a press release Thursday, Michael announced his plans to leave "Smallville" and the character of Lex Luthor behind him, which might be good for his career but leaves the poor boy of steel in a bit of a lurch. Will Superman without Lex be like Sonny without Cher, or will the show soldier gamely on without him? I've never been a religious follower of "Smallville," but it always seemed to be that Luthor was one of the best elements of the show. The producers seem willing to hint that he'll at least be back around for guest spots, however, so at least there's some hope.
Along with the bad news, we get a bit of the good. A few new villains are slated for the possibly final season of the show, including Doomsday who's famous for killing Superman and being really, really silly looking. Also waiting in the wings, a female villain who is described - presumably with a straight face - as "intelligent,
brilliantly manipulative and dangerously sinister" whose
"attraction with Clark may prove to be as deadly as kryptonite
for him."
After getting the boot from "American Idol," losing contestants sometimes do conference calls with TV journalists. I got invited to the Brooke White one, but it was so boring that I fell asleep halfway through it.
I should have known, really. The best question anyone asked was about her husband, who had pledged not to cut his hair until she was off the show. "When is he planning on cutting his hair, and are you going to do it?" The answer: She'll cut his hair for him when they get a chance, but they've been busy. I'm just glad that we all got to find out about the haircut of the husband of the fifth-place finisher on the seventh season of "American Idol."
Brooke also spoke about her emotional (i.e. melodramatic) departure: She'd thought she'd be strong enough not to cry, but she wasn't. "It was just a lot of feelings that I was feeling."
Brooke seems like a nice enough girl, and she's got a good voice, and I'm sure she'll have a career of some sort. But I find it almost impossible to care about what happens to her. She's going to need a lot of luck and a lot of optimism and a lot of those feelings. Music is a cruel, unforgiving business, and hardworking people like me are out there trying to make it more cruel and less forgiving every day.
Tonight's episode must have really tickled the fancies of the Jack/Kate shippers of the world, but for the rest of us it left a bit to be desired. There's some good action in there, and a hell of a classic "Lost" cliffhanger, but you have to wade through a bunch of Jack and Kate cracking up in flashbacks and the least tense surgery ever. After telegraphing Jack's illness so thoroughly, it's disappointing that they went with the most cliché illness ever, and it's hard to build up much concern about the health of a character who is verifiably alive several years later.
That aside, the added flavor that the Kahana crew brings to the mix makes for some interesting action. It's a curious revelation that Charlotte speaks Korean, but there's no way that's just an interesting coincidence. Perhaps now that the exigency of Jack's illness is passed, Bernard will be able to go back to focusing on just why Charlotte and Daniel are jerking them around. I, for one, would like to get to the bottom of the no good they are clearly up to. Now, let's see how this episode did on points.
Moonlight The vampire detective is hired as a vampire bodyguard for a Hollywood starlet who feels the paparazzi are a threat. Isn't Hollywood the real vampire here?
Friday Night Smackdown If you're not ready for some smack after watching Smackdown, then you just don't understand how funny the word "smack" becomes if you repeat it more than five or ten times in a row.
Lemur Kingdom It's like "Meerkat Manor," only with lemurs. Sure, it goes to anthropomorphic extremes to make these animals seem sympathetic, but is it any different from the way they try to make the stars of "The Hills" appear human?
Courtesy of BWE, here's a great video of Ellen DeGeneres dressed as a cowgirl, riding an "exercise machine" that mimics the action of a horseback ride. This is the closest I've seen to a mainstream treatment of sex toys since Vanessa Hudgens endorsed the Neutrogena face vibrator.
Warning: Co-blogger Joel wishes he could unsee the following video clip, but he can't.
At this point, there is basically no parody of reality television so broad that we can trust that someone won't think it's a genuinely good idea. Just a few weeks after the brilliant "30 Rock" had a gag show-within-the-show called "MILF Island," TV Land has announced its plan to create well, almost exactly that. The as yet unnamed project will center around a bunch of young men who will try to win the heart of a "sexy and accomplished mature woman." Since there's no mention of her children, I suppose technically she's a cougar and not a MILF, which is way classier. I have no doubt that TV Land will give this topic the sensitive, tasteful treatment that it deserves.
Leighton Meester, busy girl. The actress plays Blair on "Gossip Girl," which has enormous buzz despite a relatively tiny audience. And now, according to E!, she's headed back to the set of HBO's "Entourage" to reprise her season-one guest role as virginal pop tart Justine Chapin. No word whether this Britney Spears analogue is still a virgin, of course, but in the world of Vince Chase and Johnny Drama, it's hard to imagine that she could remain so for long. The schoolgirl uniform didn't do much to keep Britney pure, after all. New episodes of "Entourage" resume in the fall.
Let's talk about elimination. The word always makes me think of poop, especially when it's used in the context of food, as it is on "Top Chef." It seems like the "elimination challenge" would be to create a dish that's so high in fiber it creates a perfect bowel movement for the judges. That's got to be really difficult - just looking at the bloated, sweaty face of Tom Colicchio, you know he's severely backed up. Of course, on "Top Model," the judges look like they don't ever drop a deuce without it being some kind of weight-loss program involving "dieters tea," laxative abuse or a noseful of good old-fashioned Uptown Girl.
Right. Anyway. Kiwi Mark got axed on "Top Chef" because his curry was too sweet and didn't have any protein in it. He's pretty pissed off about it. And on "ANTM" they sent ol' Katarzyna packing, despite Whitney acting all fake and despite all the "OMG she's a fat whore" noises from the jealous bitches at ONTD. The CW hasn't released pix for last night's episode yet, but you can be sure they consist of a bunch of girls pretending to be hot.
"Tim Gunn's Guide To Style" has been renewed despite lackluster reviews and lackluster ratings. But it will be different this time. For one thing, according to Reality Blurred, it won't include Veronica Webb, who's moving over to the BBC to do a different show. Also, everyone involved is aware of the issues the show had, and aims to fix them. Most notably, all the "fakeness" that comes from trying to plan to be spontaneous, which at one point led Tim to a "diva moment."
Tifaux tipped me off to this someone-has-too-much-time-on-their-hands video featuring five sold minutes of "Simpsons" couch gags. Too bad the resolution isn't better.
Thursday night is the big night for real scripted television. In addition to our three picks here, there's a new episode of "Scrubs" and of course a new episode of "Lost."
Ugly Betty Renee thinks Betty is in love with Daniel; Gina Gambarro returns to Queens to flaunt her success at Hilda.
The Office Stanley criticizes Michael, and Michael retaliates. Dwight plans to buy Andy's car. Pam stays the night at Jim's place and finds trouble.
30 Rock Jack is moved to a different floor, prompting career worries. One of Liz's exes comes to town and needs a place to crash. And it's Sandwich Day.
Sigh. It's the results show on "American Idol's" Neil Diamond Week, and the worst part is we have to sit through a recap of the almost uniformly terrible performances. Just me, or was this the worst week ever, musically? And now a live medley....Sing Sung Very Blue.
At least last night there was the comedy highlight of Paula reviewing Jason's two performances - before we'd heard the second one. The first big moment in tonight's show is when Ryan talks about the judges being thrown a "curveball" during the performance show and how that resulted in a lot of "rumors" about Paula and how those rumors aren't true. Paula looked mortified and then relieved and validated. Because, you know, everyone loves her and stuff. That doesn't explain her surreal gaffe, but...
And the first reveal - Jason is safe. Of course. Since he was the one who totally sucked on both his numbers last night. Even after he performed the second one.
Archuleta's safe too. Like that's a surprise.
Now they're giving us a three-minute commercial for "So You Think You Can Dance" and not even pretending it's something else. Now we have a product placement, with the winner of the Coca-cola "American Idol" cup design contest. WTF! Could we have some entertainment please????
Don't look now, but David Blaine has performed another pointless stunt of human endurance/freakitude. Today on "Oprah," the Blainester held his breath for just over 17 minutes, breaking the world's record and realizing what only he would call a lifelong dream. Will someone please tell me why he won't just go away? Does anyone remember "David Blaine: Street Magic?" That brief moment when David Blaine's cleverness outweighed the massiveness of his ego seems long, long gone now. Now, all that remains of the card-tricking, levitating weirdo is a bloated self-image and a freaky stare.
Funnyordie.com has a whole series of videos that lampoon Blaine with painful accuracy - they're screamingly funny. But be warned, they are only safe for work if your work is okay with people screaming obscenities at the tops of their lungs.
"American Idol" knows damage control. Paula Abdul has come up with a cover story explanation for her fugue state slight mistake on Tuesday night's show, when she criticized both of Jason Castro's songs even though he'd only sung one. According to E! Online, Paula explained on Ryan Seacrest's radio show that the last minute addition of a mid-show judging segment caused her to become confused, so she misread her notes, mistaking her scribblings on David Cook's performance for a second song by Jason. Because, you know, it had been a whole ten minutes or something since Jason had sung, so it was really hard to remember how many songs he did. The certainty with which she spoke of this imaginary performance really gives a lot of other credence to her other critiques, doesn't it? Needless to say we'll be blogging tonight's ep, at least if we get back from the airport in time...
Tonight on "Top Chef," half the chefs are gone, and the house is getting kinda empty Oprah's personal chef will be the guest judge. Also, according to Eater, the quickfire will take place in only fifteen minutes, and will involve instant rice, a lemon, and a microwave.
Miley Cyrus got nothin' on the nubiles in Disney-branded Chinese lingerie ads. Slate offers a thoughtful piece here, with a pic of a Beijing billboard. TMZ offers a somewhat giddier take, complete with a photo gallery of pix like the one at right. So maybe, Mickey Rat, you could be just a little less hypocritical about the whole Miley/Vanity Fair thing, eh?
Was she off her meds and hallucinating? On her meds and hallucinating? Taped out of sequence? Reading from the wrong page of a script? Or confusing rehearsal performances with the show? Who knows what confused Paula Abdul on last night's "American Idol," when she commented on a song that hadn't... been... performed. But everybody's talkin' - and that's not a Neil Diamond song. AP's writer suggests she was "hearing double." Popwatch says the producers needed oxygen. GMMR says either Paula needs her medication audited or the show is fixed.
The Shins song "New Slang" is one of my absolute favorites, so I was pretty happy to hear that they were making an appearance on "Yo Gabba Gabba" to sing to kids and parents alike.
It's every bit as adorable and sweet as I had hoped.
Everybody's got a few pet shows that were cancelled too soon. They make us raise our fists to the sky and curse network execs everywhere, but thanks to DVD they live on in our hearts forever. "Sports Night" is one of those shows for me, as well as many other fans of the fast-talking, fast-walking style of Aaron Sorkin. There was a no-frills DVD package put out in 2002, but it's out-of-print and impossible to find. Fortunately for us True Fans, there's a rumor that we'll get a 10th anniversary edition.
The 1998 series only lasted a season and a half, but unlike "Studio 60," Sorkin's other short-lived behind-the-camera series, it was really excellent television that didn't deserve to get chased off the screen. Set in a "Sportscenter"-esque late night sports news show, the show was a little too serious for its half-hour format and a little too funny for a drama. It starred Felicity Huffman before she became a Really Big Deal, along with Robert Guilliame, Joshua Malina (later recycled to "The West Wing"), the adorable Peter Krause ("Six Feet Under" and now "Dirty Sexy Money") and the adorabler Josh Charles (who you remember best from "Dead Poets Society" if you're anything like me), along with many others. If this 10th anniversary rumor becomes a reality, go forth and rent or buy it.
American Idol Results show. The final five become the final four. With special guest Neil Diamond.
America's Next Top Model The models train as gladiators for a challenge, with the winner getting a shopping spree. The photoshoot is directed by Tyra Banks herself in a Roman castle.
Top Chef
Tonight's challenge is to cook food that's healthy as well as delicious.
I'm tuning in tonight with a convenient list of the top eleven cliches on "American Idol," and I'm pretty sure we'll see at least nine of them within the hour. It'll take a lot longer to check the accuracy of predictions about where the contestants will be in 2013, but I'm pretty sure PhillyBurbs has a note taped to somebody's door somewhere to check back in five years.
But let's move on to the singing. Each of the five will be singing two Neil Diamond songs tonight. Great. Just... great.
Jason Castro sings "Forever In Bluejeans" and "September Morn." For both songs, his facial expressions are irritating, and his vocal expression is forgettable at best.
David Cook performs "I'm Alive" and "All I Really Need Is You." These aren't the most well-known songs, but Diamond thinks they're a good choice. Cliche number nine from the list! Any good? Eh. Adequate. Of course, the judges think he's brilliant.
Brooke White opens with "I'm A Believer," which seems
appropriate, because she's just as manufactured as The Monkees,
the band for which Diamond originally composed the song. The only surprise in her performance is that she managed to turn a soulless imitation of a pop trend into
something even paler and less interesting than the original. Her second song, "I Am... I Said," is dreadful, although she at least remembers the lyrics. It's the soundtrack to middle-management types on business trips getting depressed and drunk in hotel bars and having desperate affairs with people they don't even like just so they can feel alive.
"CSI" star Gary Dourdan has been busted in Palm Springs for possession of heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and prescription pills, just weeks before his final appearance on the show as Warrick Brown. Deets are sketchy but he was sleeping in his car at 5 a.m. when cops moved in. And, unfuckingbelievably, tonight CBS had scheduled a repeat that revolved around Warrick's addiction to pills. It'll be interesting to see if that still airs. Assuming anybody with that many drugs hasn't been able to conceal his taste for them from his co-workers, you have to wonder why the writers chose that particular problem for Dourdan to act out. That's stone cold. You also have to wonder if drug problems motivated his exit from the show. His departure, announced only recently, was said to be a mutual decision between him and the producers.
I missed "Bones" last night because I was out at some movie about some reality TV star. (Jay McCarroll himself called me a loser. I guess that's only fair, because it was when I lost a door prize raffle by one digit, and some other jerk got to shake Jay's hand and go home with awesome prizes. On the plus side, Jay noticed me, even if it was just to call me a loser.)
Point being, I didn't see "Bones" last night. I watched it this morning online. Because that's how losers roll.
Dawn Wells - Mary-Ann from "Gilligan's Island" - went on "The View to set the record straight about her arrest. It turns out it wasn't even her weed! Someone else had the car all day (valets? assistants?) and had left a couple roaches in it. A routine traffic stop, a routine search, no jail time, just took some time to clear up the confusion.
It's not a new show, and it's not on at a convenient time, but if you haven't seen it, I recommend recording "Diary Of Jay-Z: Water For Life," in which the rapper takes MTV and the UN to Africa to learn about how access to clean water transforms lives.
I caught the Boston Independent Film Festival's screening of "Jay McCarroll: Eleven Minutes" last night - introduced onstage by our dear friend Ducky and Jay McCarroll himself - and it was, to be honest, totally awesome. It was what I wish reality TV could be, and isn't. It's got all the background and depth and character you miss on a TV show, and none of the trumped-up drama and tendentious music.
"Eleven Minutes" is a full-length documentary about Jay, produced by the same guys who did "Project Jay" for Bravo, following the process of creating a fashion show from sketch to completion, including visits to jewelers, shoemakers, hair stylists, publicists, sewing workshops, and sales meetings.
The film begins with the question everybody seems to want to ask: Why isn't Jay a bigger star? Where can I buy Jay McCarroll clothes? Why aren't they being sold in stores? It's been four years since he won "Project Runway," so why isn't he on a par with Marc Jacobs yet?
The documentary answers those questions, and more. It sees him through financial difficulties, a humane society sponsorship, angry PR flaks, footwear mishaps, sleepless nights, product manufacturing disasters in China, and finally, the glorious eleven-minute fashion show he's worked so hard to produce. That leads to a small order from Urban Outfitters... which gets canceled after more manufacturing troubles in China.
Months of his life and tens of thousands of dollars led up to those eleven minutes, and they didn't bring in any firm orders. Getting into department stores takes a lot more time and luck than you'd think from watching
"Project Runway." But Jay's not walking away in defeat, either.
In addition to explaining Jay's lack of instant riches, "Eleven Minutes" also illustrates how Jay really is very successful for a young designer. Of all the designers from the show, Jay has had the greatest boost to his career, and is the only one who's had a show at Bryant Park. And you can buy his designs. He's got his own shop at jaymccarroll.com and will have a larger line available from QVC this summer.
And he's still working and still designing, which in this business is quite an achievement - plenty of people give up after one season with no sales. We can expect to see great things from Jay McCarroll in the future... Just not instantly.
"Farmer Wants A Wife" is in dire need of more than just some girls. The theme song alone makes me want to run from the room screaming - it's like one of those ad jingles from the 80s when Madison Avenue figured rap was instant cool, but got it all wrong.
And yet, I'm probably going to end up watching it, because prissy girls being grossed out by animals is sure-fire comedy every damn time.
Sure, we all know about international versions of "Top Model," but why not create local versions? One per state, or even one per city! That's the idea behind MySpaceTV's "Cleveland's Next Top Model." Another advantage: You don't need to pay Tyra Banks to show up.
I really wasn't going to write anything about this, but once they put it on all the evening newscasts, I just had to ask a few questions...
1) War in Iraq. War in Afghanistan. Osama bin Laden still on the loose. Waterboarding. Secret CIA prisons. Genocide and starvation in Darfur. Global warming. The economy cratering. Gas headed for $4 a gallon. A presidential election. AND THERE'S STILL TIME ON THE EVENING NEWS FOR HANNAH MONTANA???
2) Have you watched the behind-the-scenes video or looked at the behind-the-scenes slide show of the photo shoot on Vanity Fair's site? Was 15-year-old Miley Cyrus a victim of an unscrupulous photog? Her dad, grandma, stylist, publicist and probably several Disney secret police agents were there, and even if dad left early, it's highly unlikely that the group would have let even Annie Leibovitz talk them into anything they didn't want Miley to do. And c'mon, look at her face there - she knows exxxxactly what she's doing. Plus: Stars often demand photo approval - not to mention text approval - on magazine spreads anyway. Does anyone really believe she didn't want this picture out? Does anyone believe her apology is anything more than damage control? Does anyone really think she's unhappy about all this publicity?
3) Bringing sexy back - in this case literally - is a rite of passage for female teen starlets. Ask Britney. Ask Lindsay. Ask Vanessa. One way or another they all start shakin' it. They were all virginal role models too. Moms, are you really surprised this happened to Hannah Montana? Really?
4) Have you seen the rest of the pictures? The really troubling one is where she's wearing a belly shirt and lying across her dad like they're a hot couple. What is that all about, anyway?
5) That picture up there. She does look kinda hot, doesn't she?
Reaper Sam makes a second deal with the Devil to keep Andi from finding out about his secret satanic job. Meanwhile, Ben gets married under suspicious circumstances, and Michael Ian Black guest stars as Tony the demon.
American Idol Neil Diamond helps the final five singers butcher his songbook.
Law & Order: SVU Robin Williams guest-stars as an engineer who poses as a cop to trick people into committing crimes, then mounts an unusual legal defense when caught.
I'd be hard pressed to say whether Saul or the Chief is cracking up more spectacularly at this point on "Battlestar Galactica." Tory seems to have jumped on board with the zeal of a convert - with bonus creepy S&M action - and god only knows what's going on with Anders but I'm betting he can't keep up with Saul or the Chief for sheer crazy good times. Even Baltar is starting to look comparatively balanced, and he's getting tossed around the room by a hallucinatory sex robot.
Yet another week goes by that we get nothing much more than an obligatory "by the way, Starbuck still exists and is still crazy" shot, although the preview for next week suggests that we will finally get some payoff on the big tease. Maybe that will give Anders a good chance to storm around, melodramatically talking about how he's nothing but a machine and having some wacky funtime hallucinations. For this week though, we'll just have to count points for 75% of our secret Cylon team.
Producer Craig Thomas confirmed to Kristin at E! Online that, as rumored, Britney Spears IS back on the set at "How I Met Your Mother" today, shooting what will air as the next-to-last episode of the season. Supposedly Abby, her character, and Barney will pair up at least long enough to rub it in Ted's face. Which is pretty ironic since Neil Patrick Harris, who plays Barney, got in hot water a few days ago for saying that "HIMYM" doesn't need stunt casting like this to be a good show. They made him eat his words, too.
Fact is, Britney's last guest appearance brought a million new viewers to the show, seemingly ensuring a renewal for next season. So I guess we should all be glad she's back to close the deal. Right? Right?
(Right, Josh Radnor as Ted and Her Britness as Abby last time around.)
Oscar winner Angela Bassett will throw away her proud career by appearing on the dying dwarf star that is "ER" as a series regular during its final season in the fall. (E! Online)
The audience for "The Office" grows by a pretty astounding 37.6 percent when time-shifted viewing by DVRs is included. (TV By The Numbers)
"House" returns to Fox with new episodes tonight. BuzzSugar has a pretty good reminder of where we were, and a nice little clip showing the House-Wilson-Cutthroat Bitch dynamic at work:
Last night's "Simpsons" was one of the best I'd seen in ages. My favorite part was the wedding registry at the hillbilly wedding, signed entirely with Xs, but there were dozens of other moments: The combined critique of confined feedlot animal operations and of hyper-sincere animal activists... even the couch gag was better than usual.
This is a web-only viral ad for frosty beverages at Mac's, a chain of Canadian convenience stores. You may object that it makes no sense, but fans will respond that the nonsense is the point.
Apparently, Ben has a list of what he looks for in a woman. OK, a lot of people do. But Ben's list is long and specific and he keeps it with him at all times. When the boys grab it and read it out loud, it becomes totally apparent why he's still single. Now, how much do you want to bet that tomorrow night's episode of "Reaper" involves someone who appears to have all of the qualities he's looking for, but turns out to be evil?
Broadcasting & Cable reports that ratings slippage has Fox doing extensive polling of "American Idol" fans with an eye to tweaking the show next season. "It’s still the biggest show on TV, but that doesn’t mean there are things we can’t do," Fox scheduling czar Preston Beckman told B&C
The Simpsons
Desperate Housewives
Dexter
Moonlight
Friday Night Smackdown
Lemur Kingdom
Ugly Betty
The Office
30 Rock
American Idol
America's Next Top Model
Top Chef
Reaper
American Idol
Law & Order: SVU
