TV with MeeVee

Weekend Picks: May 17-18

BBC America's "Robin Hood" finds the Sheriff of Nottingham going all Chemical Ali on his own people and blaming it on "the pestilence." This shall not stand, I suspect.

"Saturday Night Live" season finale features host Steve Carell and musical guest Usher.

"Aliens in America" is a smart and actually sweet sitcom about tolerance and friendship, based around a Muslim exchange student. Of course it was not renewed for next season. I don't have a joke, in fact I'm bummed. On tonight's series finale, Raja wants to date a Muslim girl, so Justin dates one of his own kind too - a neurotic.

All I Want For Christmas Is "Lost" Season 4

Man, Season 4 of "Lost" isn't even done airing yet, and already the DVD announcement has hit the net. All you Losties can look forward to picking up the DVD set on December 9th, just in the nick of time for gifting on  ChrismaHannuKwanzadon - as well as the premiere of Season 5. What a cruel tease to announce so early and then make us wait such a loooooong time. I can't wait to see the blooper reel, though, and the Oceanic Airlines safety featurettes.

Via TV Squad.

"The Office" Finale Gets It Just Right. Bite Me If You Disagree.

Watching "The Office," I've wondered all season about yuppie scum Ryan, played by writer B.J. Novak. With his promotion, he seemed to become an even bigger D.B. than usual. And he just wasn't funny. This wasn't office satire via a mock documentary, this was just a documentary. he was the only one not to get any laughs from the storyline about his Dunder Mifflin Infinity web site. And his picking on Jim - blatant retaliation for Jim getting Pam and just being an all-around better dude - was annoying, not amusing. So how wild was it last night when they busted him for fraud and dragged him off the show? I don't know if Novak is coming back at all, or if we'll next see him in an orange jumpsuit, or what. But it was a hoot.

So was the whole episode, and I was not at all amused by this grumpy take on the festivities. And festivities is the word, as fireworks and a Ferris wheel were among the party supplies Phyllis scored for Toby's going away.I much preferred GMMR's take, including the nice wordplay that Jim was "ring blocked" by idiot Andy's proposal to Angela. I thought the balance of comedy and heart was just about right, as we were once again caught off guard by developments in the Jim-and-Pam romance: Jim's mildly freaked out admission to the camera that he was about to propose. His sweet reaction to Pam's art school admission. And the way neither one of them could quite look at the other as the proposal came closer, closer ... and then Andy exploded the moment. All Jim's money for fireworks was wasted.

Will that missed opportunity cause the JAM romance to hit the rocks? Maybe. You have to say that "The Office" has found a more realistic, more mature way to keep us off balance regarding the romance than the endless juvenile will-they-won't-they that has fueled "Cheers" and countless other sitcoms. There's a possibility, I think, that Pam's art school sojourn and Jim's ever changing feelings toward Dunder Mifflin (a la his voicemail rant to pre-bust Ryan) could send their love off the tracks. It happens. I don't want it to happen, but it might. And that would be OK. The writers and these two actors have managed to keep this relationship real amid all the comic insanity. I trust them. I just wish I didn't have tow ait all summer to see what happens.

Other questions for the summer: Will their hot'n'sweaty office grope bring Dwight and Angela back together? Will they carry on behind Andy's back? Is Paul Lieberstein aka Toby leaving the series? Is Novak? And is Oscar nominee Amy Ryan going to return in the fall as Toby's replacement?

They're killing me.

“Smallville," Big Expectations

Show: Smallville
Episode: “Arctic”
First Aired: 5/15/08

It’s been a long frustrating season for “Smallville” fans. We’ve had to overcome lackluster episodes, John Glover’s exodus, blatant product placement (Stride Chewing gum anyone?), and the writer’s strike. But the end is here and not a moment too soon. Does the series redeem itself with the seventh season finale or does it crash and burn again?

A strong teaser where a darker than usual Kara kills off Edward Teague, the last member of Veritas, leads her to Lex’s mansion in search of a Kryptonian orb that can control Clark. She then reveals to Lex not only that she knows the Traveler’s identity but that he’s from the same planet as she is, yet Luthor still can’t immediately figure out that she’s referring to Clark -- her only relative and the person whom Lex has had suspicions about for years. Kryptonian kudos to Michael Rosenbaum for making this moment more believable than it has any right to be.

Kara doesn’t just want the orb to control the Traveler, she wants Lex to control him because Kara is not who she seems to be. In a bookend of the Bizarro/Clark switcheroo from the season premiere, we get a Brainiac/Kara switch in the season finale. Brainiac has impersonated her ever since she seemingly returned from Krypton. While the real Kara is trapped in the Phantom Zone, the Brainiac Kara tricks Lex into believing that the Traveler is a harbinger of doom and that Luthor will be saving the world by controlling him. What was supposed to be Lex’s final push to become Clark’s evil arch enemy - a function that runs the risk of two-dimensional characterization - is now shaded with three-dimensionality. More than one actor cast as a villain has expressed they don’t believe that villains think of themselves as being villainous. This twist embodies that belief.

Casting Notes From All Over

• "CSI" will replace Jorja Fox with former "L Word" actress Lauren Lee Smith (right). Canadian Smith had a recurring role as chef Lara on that series, which airs on CBS' corporate cousin Showtime. She was also on the TV series "Intelligence" and several TV movies in the "Christy" series. (Buddy TV)
• A scary and difficult-to-watch episode of HBO's "Six Feet Under" was "That's My Dog," which had Michael C. Hall's David pick up a psycho hitchhiker named Jake, played by Michael Weston. Weston, who played Jake in three subsequent episodes as well, is now named as the actor who'll play a private eye on some episode of "House" next season, as an audition for a possible spinoff. (TV Guide)
• Kelly Preston, aka Mrs. John Travolta, has been tapped to play one of the gang leaders in the HBO pilot "Suburban Shootout." It's based on an hilarious British series about suburban matrons gone feral. Most entertaining. (Hollywood Reporter)

Sorry Folks, No News Today

In the relentless race to fill the 24-hour news channels, there's nothing worse than a slow news day. This hilarious video is even worse than a slow news day, it's a no-news day. This better be the video of the day, since obviously nothing else at all is happening.

Yep, nothing going on. Sorry. Maybe go outside for a bit?

Fox Cuts Commercial Time On SciFi Shows

Fox has announced their big plan to revolutionize TV advertising. I don't know if it will work, but since the big plan involves fewer commercials, I'm for it. In their upfront presentation yesterday, Fox execs announced "Remote-Free TV," a very fancy name for "showing fewer ads." Starting with Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse" and J.J. Abrams' "Fringe," the new model will involve showing only 5 minutes of commercials per hour and charging a premium for running your ad in that uncluttered landscape.

Whether it will work is anyone's guess, but it's an interesting move. I'd certainly be happier about a little less advertising to fast-forward through, but our friends at TV Squad are already missing their commercials. I also won't be happy if it comes at the price of more invasive product placement, like "Heroes" (brought to you by the Nissan Versa). Scifi fans will be tearing their hair out over the idea of "Dollhouse" and "Fringe" being experimented on, since genre shows on Fox already have an average lifespan of a mayfly, but maybe this will be the trick that keeps them afloat.

"Lost" Scorecard: The Six Get Home

First halves of two parters are always a little tricky. A lot of the action is tied up in setting up stuff that won't pay off for another week, and that's doubly true for a show like "Lost." Actually, with a show like "Lost" there's a lot of stuff that won't pay off until next season, if then. Still, the lack of consistency in "Lost" is one of the single most frustrating things about watching it. Sometimes it's really, really on, but other times it gets mired down in its large cast, the multi-layered timelines and the never-ending tease.

Not only is this week's episode tied up in moving people and plots into place for the big conclusion, but it also reminds me a little bit of "Noises Off" in the scene where everyone is running in and out of various doors, just missing each other over and over again. With people running from the boat to the beach to the helicopter to the jungle, it's a tangle of missed connections that's frustrating to watch.

Tonight's Picks: Friday, May 16

Finale. Aw, this is a little sad. Tonight brings the very last episode of "Moonlight," which CBS wouldn't renew. The show has a smallish but very loyal audience, and many believe but for disruption of the writers strike, it would have become a hit. In the final episode, Mick and Josef move to protect their kind after a murder threatens their exposure.

Premiere. If you tend to think of CMT viewers in stereotypes, "Mobile Home Disasters" brings to mind something involving tornadoes, I'm sure. But really this is like a budget version of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." Tonight, the deserving family getting their digs re-done consists of single dad Jim Bigelow and his six boys.

Freeman Agyeman returns to SciFi and "Dr. Who" as Martha Jones, who hips the good doc to the return of archenemies the Sontarans.

NBC Finales Followed By Cast Bloggers

Watching the "My Name Is Earl" or "The Office" season finales on NBC tonight? Executive producer Bobby Bowman and star Nadine Velazquez aka Catalina will be blogging "Earl" here at 9 for half an hour or so. Paul Lieberstein aka Toby (right), who's at the center of tonight's "The Office," will be blogging here at 10. You can go to each site ahead of time to leave questions.

Bet you thought I was going to use a picture of Catalina, didn't you?

Jonah Hill's Chins Are Bigger Than Johnny Depp

Word is that Jonah Hill of "Superbad" is going to star in a remake of "21 Jump Street," the 1980s Fox undercover-cops-in-high-school show that started things for Johnny Depp and Richard Grieco. I'm assuming that he's not taking it seriously. But it gives me an excuse to make you watch this hilarious but dubiously SFW video from his recent "Saturday Night Live" hosting stint:

Fox Announces 2008-09 Season Plans

Fox wants you to feel their electricity. No, really. "“Broadcast television needs a jolt. We feel it’s our responsibility, as the No. 1 network for the last four seasons, to provide that electricity,” Fox Broadcasting Entertainment Chairman Peter Liguori says in remarks  prepared for his upfront presentation to advertisers in New York today.

The schedule announced this morning puts the most focus on dramas from J.J. Abrams ("Lost") and Joss Whedon ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer"). The network is not exactly reinventing the wheel, but they are putting something besides repeats on Friday night. And the bloated "American Idol" results show gets cuts back to a half hour in '09.

Fox executives on a conference call with reporters this morning admit that, like the other networks, Fox has fewer new shows due to the writers strike's disruption of the development cycle. Of course, when you're the most-watched network among total viewers as well as viewers 18-49 ...no worries mon. And they say they actually have shows in development now for all the way to the start of 2010.

Two new series debut in the fall:

"Fringe" (above), a thriller from Abrams, stars newcomer Anna Torv, Joshua Jackson and John Noble as allies thrown together to investigate weirdness emanating from a mysterious Boston plane crash. Think "Lost" meets "The X-Files." It will air behind "House" on Tuesday nights in the fall.

"Do Not Disturb" is a comedy with Jerry O'Connell as a manager at an upscale New York hotel; Jason Bateman of "Arrested Development" will direct some episodes.

The "24" prequel also airs in November, as we reported earlier this morning. One Fox exec on the call just termed it "a really cool piece of standalone business."

Coming after the first of the year - along with "24" and "American Idol" - are four more new series, including another giving-it-away reality show, called "Secret Millionaire."

The year's most anticipated drama is Whedon's "Dollhouse" (right). Eliza Dushku, who enlivened the final seasons of "Buffy," stars as one of an underground group who have their personalities "wiped" and replaced with new ones in order to better carry out their secret missions.

In the spring we'll see two comedies, the unlikely "Family Guy" spinoff "Cleveland" and the animated "Sit Down, Shut Up," from "Arrested Development" creator Mitchell Hurwitz. That's about a group of less-than-dedicated teachers, with Bateman leading the voice cast.

Tidbits from the conference call:

Someone just asked the execs how they decided whether to give "Fringe" or "Dollhouse" the fall launch. Entertainment President Kevin Reilly - I think it was him, anyway - said it was "a high-class problem to have." Whedon had seven scripts written from the get-go, but Abrams finished pilot production sooner. Whdeon welcomed the extra time, the execs said.

Lunchtime Links

Haven't done one of these in a couple of days thanks to the crush of new-season-schedule-upfront news, but here goes...

• Some frank talk from "Scrubs" honcho Bill Lawrence about how NBC screwed him around and how the show will change on ABC. That is, a little more character, a little less broad fantasy. (TV Guide Online)
• Ausiello also says Allison Mack's Chloe (right) will stay on "Smallville" after all. (TV Guide Online)
• Bad news for "Moonlight" fans. Nikki Finke sez it's not happening on CW's outsourced Sunday lineup. Which probably means it's dead for real. (DHD)
• "Dog The Bounty Hunter" is back on A&E, regardless of what he said. We know he's not really a racist, says the cabler. Whatever. (AP)
• Whitney won "ANTM." (E! Online)
• Coming soon on Logo: "RuPaul's Drag Race." Write your own joke about tranny problems. (Hollywood Reporter)

"24" Update: Prequel Set For November

Fox announces its fall schedule today, and the first news is that Sunday Nov. 23 has been set as the airdate for the two-hour "24" prequel movie. Weirdly, there's no title given, but what we'll call "Prequel" was shot on location in South Africa, with Kiefer Sutherland as super-agent Jack Bauer battling yet another international crisis. Meanwhile, back home, Cherry Jones is being inaugurated as president.

All this is set a few months before the regular season, Day 7, which begins in January and features the return of Carlos Bernard as Tony "Isn't he dead?" Almeida. CTU has been dismantled and Jack is on trial. But yet another crisis for the new president brings an investigation led by FBI Agent Janeane Garofalo. And despite CTU's demise, Mary Lynn Rajskub and James Morrison return as Chloe O'Brien and Bill Buchanan.

Tonight's Picks: Thursday, May 15

Hourlong season finale of NBC's "The Office" focuses on the impending departure of long-suffering HR drone Toby (Paul Lieberstein), whose replacement is played by guest star Amy Ryan.

Season finale of CBS' "CSI" focuses on the departure of Warrick Brown, played by Gary Dourdan, whose recent drug arrest parallels the character's problems. Dourdan didn't kill anybody, though; we're not so sure about Brown.

ABC's "Lost" has two more episodes to go this season, and if you feel the earth move, apparently that's just Locke moving the island. Or possibly the whole show jumping the shark. Tonight, the battle with the freighter people begins.

"American Idol" Results - It's David vs. David

Well, we all got the final we expected - Cute David Archuleta versus Rocker David Cook. Syesha Mercado was voted out, and we're on to next week's finale of "American Idol." Woot.

I was ready to gouge my eyes and ears out, though, after that lame "Ain't No Stopping Us Now" intro by the three of them. The dancing, the horrible dancing. But I guess it was a hard week for them to find time to practice, what with visiting their old schools and local Fox affiliates and singin' at malls and cryin' and all.

I had completely forgotten that Cook, who is going to win this thing, was originally the douche in the argyle sweater and the pink hair. And I'm not sure I ever knew that he only auditioned to keep his brother company. Brother Andrew, who went nowhere with his audition, sure looked like he was having a good time tonight. Uh huh.

But really, the comedy highlight of the night was the freaked appalled look on Simon's face when they cut to him during Fantasia's shrieky, hyper, sweaty, oddly butch performance with her bank-robbery-dye-pack red hair. He all but said W. T. F.! On to the finals...

Turner Networks Unveil Program Plans, Icky Advertising Plan

I'll get to Turner's program plans in a minute, but the focus of their announcements this week was an almost web-like way of targeting ads.

"TVinContext promises to be the first large-scale system that combines the precise placement possible in digital advertising with the world of television," Turner's announcement said. "The initiative includes the examination and cataloging of thousands of scenes from Turner’s vast library of films and TV series, plus the custom matching of advertising content to place spots adjacent to relevant scenes. If a movie features a scene about marriage, Turner will be able to place an ad in the next commercial break for a related product, such as wedding rings. A movie scene in a café could be followed by an ad for coffee." The system will initially be available to a limited number of clients this fall.

Just a little creepy, isn't it?

Anyhoo, TNT in particular has big programming plans, building on the success of "The Closer" (right) and "Saving Grace," both of which return with new episodes in July. The network plans to have three full nights of original programming by 2010. Dramas in development include: "Delta Blues," about a Memphis cop who's an Elvis impersonator who lives with his mom, from producer George Clooney; "Morse Code," about a war hero turned Boston DEA agent, produced by and starring Donnie Wahlberg; and an untitled project about ATF agents from "24" producer Joel Surnow. These are in addition to previously announced shows with Steven Bochco and Ray Romano.

TBS, meanwhile, ordered 26 more episodes of "Tyler Perry's House of Payne," and committed to develop comedies with William H. Macy and Joey "Run" Simmons of Run DMC. Jamie Foxx and Robert Townsend are working on sketch comedy shows for TBS.

Upfronts Update: CBS Announces Fall Schedule

CBS has ordered five new series - two comedies and three dramas - toadd to its 18 returning shows. Like the other nets we've seen so far, this is largely a stand-pat schedule shaped by the behind-the-scenes tumult of the writers strike. The biggest change might be the hour of comedy from 8-9 on Wednesdays.

Mondays: "Big Bang Theory," "How I Met Your Mother," "Two and a Half Men," the new comedy "Worst Week" (right) and "CSI Miami."

Tuesdays: "NCIS," the new drama "The Mentalist" and "Without A Trace," which moves from Thursdays.

Wednesdays: "The New Adventures of Old Christine," the new comedy "Project Gary," "Criminal Minds" and "CSI NY."

Thursdays: "Survivor," "CSI" and the new drama "Eleventh Hour."

Fridays: "Ghost Whisperer," the new "The Ex List" and "Numb3rs."

Saturdays: Two hours of "Crimetime" - i.e. repeats - and "48 Hours Mystery."

Sundays: "60 Minutes," "The Amazing Race," "Cold Case" and "The Unit," which moves from Tuesdays.

The announcement also says this: "In addition to the new series for fall, the network announced the pick up of two programs for midseason. The new drama, HARPER'S ISLAND, is a murder mystery that unfolds as friends and family attend week-long festivities at a destination wedding on a secluded and picturesque island off the coast of Seattle, infamous for a homicidal maniac's rampage seven years ago. Also picked up for midseason is the comedy RULES OF ENGAGEMENT." It doesn't say anything, however, about reviving Fox's "Back To You."

For details and pictures of the new shows, keep reading.

Upfronts Update: "Moonlight" Could Be Un-Dead!

There are reports that the canceled CBS vampire drama "Moonlight" could get picked up by Media Rights Capital, the media conglom that has bought Sunday nights from CW to air its own programming slate. Could cult fave Mick St. John (played by Alex O'Loughlin, right) bring CW its biggest audience to date - with a show canceled by another network, on a night that's been outsourced? That would be embarrassing.

But otherwise, CW's programming presentation yesterday left us with only the titles of four new shows that might air on Media Rights Capital Sundays: “Surviving Suburbia,” “Book of Murphy,” “I.M. Valentine, Investigations” and “Fat City.”

The "Moonlight" dramatics come before CBS even announces its fall schedule today. Word is CBS will renew all of its popular Monday comedies and perhaps use a couple of them to build a second night of comedy. We'll have all the details as soon as they're official, but we already know which shows are renewed and which are canceled. The only outstanding question is whether CBS moves to pick up Kelsey Grammer's "Back To You," which was dropped by Fox.

Tonight's Picks: Wednesday, May 14

The Final Two will be revealed on tonight's "American Idol." I'm betting America sends Syesha home.

"Top Chef" contestants tackle a huge challenge: Making salads modern and interesting. Dudes, it's leaves and sticks.

For two hours in "The Adirondacks," PBS gets away from it all, to the giant Adirondack Park.

CW Releases '08-09 Schedule

• Mondays: "Gossip Girl" and "One Tree Hill"
• Tuesdays: The new "90210" with "guest star" Jennie Garth followed by "Surviving The Filthy Rich"
• Wednesdays: "America's Next Top Model" and "Stylista"
  
• Thursdays: "Smallville" and "Supernatural," same as now
• Fridays: "Everybody Hates Chris," "The Game" and an "ANTM" replay.

No word yet on what Media Rights Capital will produce for the three hours it's bought on Sunday night.

"Reaper" returns at midseason. Yayyyy!

Deets on the new shows after the jump...

(Right, "Gossip Girl's" Blake Lively and Leighton Meester at The CW Upfront presentation that was held at Lincoln Center today.)

"American Idol!" Liveblog! Excellent!

The measure of the lameness of "American Idol" - only one of its qualities, but a prominent one - is that the song Paul Abdul chose for David Archuleta to kick off  tonight's show is Billy Joel's "And So It Goes." Beautiful, I guess. But um, is that the kind of song that young men get on the pop charts with these days? There's nobody more contemporary your 17-year-old contestant could sing? Randy and Paula loved it. Simon says no surprises, good but not outstanding. What a start. Maybe next a little something from Burt Bacharach or Dolly Parton. Oh, wait....

But then Randy choses an Alicia Keys tune for Syesha, "If I Ain't Got You," because "it's a record she could make and be very successful with it." Isn't that why we're here? Good. Very good.

Simon sticks David Cook with "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack. Which could be lame like the Billy Joel choice, except it's sooooo far out of Cook's comfort zone. Which is why Simon says he chose it. Interesting. And here we go....emo....stretching the voice...and completely dumping the traditional phrasing. Nice. Weird. Randy loved the high note at the end but blames Simon for not choosing something rockier. First words of sense Paula utters all season: Really it's about you, David. Simon, of course, loved it.

A few quick news bites

• Fox scored big with "House" last night, which was second overall in the ratings (behind "Dancing with the Stars") and tops in the 18-49 demo advertisers love. (TV By The Numbers)
• "American Idol" returns with the final three tonight, but Fox can't be too thrilled with last week's numbers. And despite the excellent backstabbing that went on, CBS' "Survivor" finale on Sunday didn't even make the top 10. (AP)
• "The Sopranos" on iTunes. For a price, of course. (Reuters)
• A spoilerrific report on Gary Dourdan's final "CSI" appearance until after rehab on Thursday. (Buddy TV)
• "The Office" last week had the biggest DVR audience seen so far - a whopping 43.4% ratings increase from "live viewing only" to "live + 7 days." (TV By The Numbers)

See you for the American Idol liveblog in a couple of hours!

"Moonlight" Wanes at CBS

The sun came up on the CBS schedule this afternoon, and crime-solving-vampire drama "Moonlight" is history. Lots of backstage problems may have been the killer for the show, which was at best a so-so ratings performer, despite the loyalty of the brooding-TV-vampire audience.

CBS announces its schedule tomorrow and all the ins and outs are leaking now. As we already told you, "How I Met Your Mother" and "New Adventures of Old Christine" are coming back, but so, amazingly, is the dismal "Rules of Engagement." "The Unit" will also return.

It appears James Woods' "Shark" is gonzo, however.

Britney Is Gone, "How I Met Your Mother" Isn't

Relax, people. "How I Met Your Mother" is coming back, regardless of how lousy Britney Spears was on last night's episode. And she was pretty lousy.

There are several reports that CBS has passed along an official bro handshake to the producers, even though the announcement won't be made till later this week. You have to wonder what the hell took the network so long; supposedly one bigwig just doesn't think the show is funny, unlike every critic in America and a growing cadre of viewers. Because, you know, it's what executives think is funny that makes a show a success or not. Sigh.

I really hope we've seen the last of "Abby," the nutso receptionist played by nutso pop tart Spears. Despite the ratings bump she brought in her cameo a few weeks ago, last night she simply dragged down the show. Compared to the travails of the ever-winning Allyson Hanigan's Lily on the episode, Spears' acting was skit-night-at-rehab bad. Certainly Neil Patrick Harris has been punished enough for saying publicly a couple of weeks ago that he thought the show was doing just fine without this kind of stunt casting; he shared just about every scene with her.

In a semi-related CBS comedy note, lots of folks are surprised about "New Adventures of Old Christine." It was widely expected to move to ABC, but instead CBS reupped it with a full 22-episode order for the season.

ABC Fall Schedule Looks A Lot Like Last Year's (UPDATED)

ABC has just released a 2008 fall schedule that changes little from last fall and includes only two new shows. The writers strike affected it in two ways, cutting into the normal pilot-development period and also cutting short the season for several promising shows that will now get a fresh start, like "Pushing Daisies" and "Eli Stone."

Monday: "Dancing With The Stars," "Samantha Who?" and "Boston Legal."
Tuesday: The new "Opportunity Knocks," "Dancing With The Stars" results show, "Eli Stone."
Wednesday: "Pushing Daisies," "Private Practice," "Dirty Sexy Money" (so it's NOT moving to Thursdays as reported).
Thursday: "Ugly Betty," "Grey's Anatomy," the new drama "Life On Mars."
Friday: "Wife Swap," "Supernanny" and "20/20."
Saturday: College football
Sunday: "Extreme Makeover Home Edition," "Desperate Housewives" and "Brothers & Sisters."

"Opportunity Knocks" is a traveling quiz show produced by Ashton Kutcher. "Life On Mars" is a remake of a British series in which a present day cop suddenly wakes up in the 1973.

"Scrubs" will air on Tuesday at midseason when "Dancing" takes a rest, joined by "The Goode Family," a new sitcom rom "King of the Hill" creator Mike Judge. "Lost" will return at midseason as planned, after "Life on Mars" completes its initial run. There are also plans for a Kutcher-Tyra Banks pageant show at midseason.

They Must Mean "Tila Tequila"

Reuters: Taliban insurgents have ordered residents of a province near the capital Kabul to stop watching television, saying the networks were showing un-Islamic programs.

Upfronts Update! "Reaper" To Return!

Yesterday was full of anticlimactic "news" - Jimmy Fallon taking over "Late Night," "Scrubs" moving to ABC to finish out its run. But after the sun went down here in the east, that was lots of good stuff posted on the fall schedules, including widespread reports that "Reaper" has been given a 13-episode midseason order by CW. We won't know for absolute sure until CBS and CW announce their deals on Wednesday, but it looks like a lock. (Ooops, CW announces late today.)  And I don't care if it came about because the writers strike screwed up the development season. I will watch "Reaper" tonight with a full heart.

ABC will announce its plans this morning. In the meantime...

• Michael Rapaport ("War at Home," "My Name Is Earl") will play a fed on "Prison Break" (Hollywood Reporter).
• Several sources say ABC has picked up "Life On Mars," an American remake of the Brit series about a cop who suddenly finds himself transplanted to the - bad hair alert! - 1970s. Surprisingly, it's a drama. Apparently that was contingent on ABC also picking up producer David E. Kelley's "Boston Legal" for another season.
• CBS has picked up Jerry Bruckheimer's "Eleventh Hour," the drama "The Mentalist," the thriller "Harper's Island," and the Jay Mohr comedy "Project Gary."
• Nikki Finke says it was nice of CBS to renew "The Unit" while several of its stars are visiting troops in Iraq. But she also has a lot of inside scoop on why "Moonlight" hasn't yet been renewed and may not be.

Tonight's Picks: Tuesday, May 13

It's Rocker David vs. Cute David vs. That Chick Who's Probably Going Home This Week. THIS...is "American Idol."

On "Reaper," the Devil wants Sam to find out who's leaking Hell's secrets. The bad news is that it turns out to be Gladys, who works at Hell's DMV branch. This should be a nice showcase for actress Christine Willes, who has been amusing in this small role since the pilot.

ESPN airing a film festival fave? "The Zen of Bobby V" is a documentary following former Mets manager Bobby Valentine as he tries to build Japanese baseball into a real rival for the stateside game.

More Hot Rumors For Upfront Week

• Consensus has it that "Eli Stone" is coming back to ABC, though I can't understand why. "October Road" is dead. Sources disagree on "Women's Murder Club," though given the title...
• CBS is expected to bring back "The Unit." Still no word on whether "Reaper" will be back on CW, which has gotta be thought of as bad news.
• Zach Braff told fans on MySpace what has been the worst-kept secret in Hollywood - "Scrubs" is moving to ABC for its eighth season.
• Producers are trying to get CBS to pick up Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton's "Back to You," which was dropped by Fox. Here's pix of Grammer at a "memorial" erected by fans over at Fox this morning. People are weird, no?

Webisodes Set For "The Office," "Heroes"

The other networks are announcing their falls schedules this week. NBC shot their wad a few weeks ago, but they're still trying to get their share of press today with the Jimmy Fallon announcement and the Ryan Seacrest announcement. They're also hoping to whet our appetites for new shows like "My Own Worst Enemy" (with Christian Slater as a suburban dad/superspy); a stateside remake of the Aussie sitcom "Kath & Kim" (with Molly Shannon); the island adventure series "Crusoe"; and the "Knight Rider" remake (even though this spring's pilot movie sucked the big one). And of course "Friday Night Lights" will be back, after airing first on DirecTV, but we told you that back in march.

And there's also this from NBC Digital Entertainment: a second season of webisodes on NBC.com for fans of "The Office," featuring current cast members, and new webisodes for "Heroes," both coming this summer.

"The Office" webisodes will follows along as "Kevin (Brian Baumgartner, left) pursues a unique solution in an effort to pay back his looming gambling debts." This installment also stars Oscar Nunez (Oscar), Leslie David Baker (Stanley) and Craig Robinson (Darryl). The "Heroes" webisodes - titled "Manhunt" - focus on the discovery of a new villain - oh boy, more new characters on "Heroes!" - and leads directly into the third-season premiere.

NBC Digital is also promising more "top of mind content" for its "Saturday Night Live" political site and increased streaming choices, including a new site just for iPhone users.

Momma's Boy This, NBC

In possibly the least-appealing programming announcement of the week - I know it's early, but still - NBC said Monday that Ryan Seacrest will produce a reality-game-dating show called "Momma's Boy" to premiere after the Summer Olympics. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? The show from Seacrest and partner Andrew Glassman will ask "possessive mothers" to choose the perfect bride for their sons. Ick, uck, ptoo! But wait, it gets worse. Check this hideous synopsis: Conflict results when numerous mothers and their eligible bachelor sons are housed together with several  "brides-to-be." As the tension mounts, viewers will watch the controlling mothers search for their son's perfect mate. Some of the possible brides are "nice girls" -- while others might not be as appealing to the mothers. As expected, rivalries are formed, drama mounts and emotion builds as crucial choices must be made.

It's like "Big Brother" but with Estelle Costanza and Marie Barone thrown into the mix. I don't see how even any of the "nice girls" (on a reality show? come on) are going to be good enough for the sons. And I can't imagine who's going to watch this, except for overbearing moms and the sons they guilt into watching with them. Seacrest's company, meanwhile, produces such other gems as "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and the forthcoming "Denise Richards: It's Complicated."

Sez Ryan: "Anytime I make a decision either personally or professionally, I have to ask myself...what would my mother say? Like it or not, I am a true Momma's Boy. She is the most important woman in my life and she is never short of opinions. This series throws Mom right in the middle of all the drama. It's loud, it's wild and it's real. RSP and NBC have developed a strong partnership that allows the opportunity to both promote and create original content across my already existing media platforms." It's a rare son who can get mom and "already existing media platforms" in one quote. You go, bro.

"How I Met Your Mother" Tonight - Britney!

As you already know, Britney Spears returns to "How I Met Your Mother" tonight. Here's a new spot with one of the creepier clips of her as the psycho receptionist Abby and Neil Patrick Harris as Barney:

Jimmy Fallon Will Take Conan's Chair, But We Knew That

As I type these words I'm half-listening to an NBC conference call/press conference, live from 30 Rock, where Lorne Michaels and a bunch of NBC bigwigs are introducing Jimmy Fallon as the next host of "Late Night." Fallon's appointment, though, has been widely reported for weeks if not months.

Former "Saturday Night Live" standout Fallon will take over Conan O'Brien's "Late Night" chair sometime in the first half of 2009, but that's about the only specific anyone has to give us. There are few scraps of info on what Fallon's "Late Night" will be like - he says he's not going to "reinvent the wheel," and that there will be comedy and interviews and music. He just said that one change he's going to make is that "Late Night" will now be "a morning show." Rimshot please!

This, of course, is just the first of many shoes to drop as NBC implements a deal it made four years ago which will find O'Brien taking the "Tonight Show" reins from Jay Leno next year. There have been grumbles from the Leno camp that he doesn't want to leave, and competitors like ABC are ready to snap him up when he does go, next year. Conan, of course, got "Late Night" when David Letterman moved to CBS after being passed over for the "Tonight Show" gig.

Meanwhile, Fallon is leaving the world of (mostly mediocre) movies for the grueling grind of late-night television. His wife, at least, knows what it's going to be like. "She left me a note this morning that said 'Nice knowing you,' " Fallon said.

"House" Season Finale: He Can't Remember...

...and then, finally, he can, and it's worse. I just got finished watching a rough cut of tonight's "House," which is part one of the two-part season finale, and without spoiling anything, I can tell you it's a wowser. There's high drama and medical mystery, as he takes insane risks to retrieve his memory of four missing hours in his life.

Oh, and we get to see Cuddy do a pole dance. Seriously.   

Tonight's episode actually opens in a strip club where a disheveled, boozed-up House is getting a lap dance. But he doesn't remember what he's doing there, and he quickly realizes the memory loss is more important than the lap dance. He stumbles outside to find emergency personnel tending the terrible aftermath of a violent bus crash. He was one of the passengers, and apparently wandered away from the wreckage and into the strip club. But why is he full of booze? Why was he on the bus? And why does he feel the terrible certainty that someone is going to die if he doesn't remember soon?

To find the answers, he has to climb back onto the bus in the moments before the crash - so he spends most of the hour trying drugs and hypnosis and more to get back the four hours he lost.

At times his subconscious intrudes, which is how we get the Cuddy strip show.

"Caprica" and "Eureka" Casting Nuggets

It's the time of year when all the casting news starts trickling out of our favorite scifi shows and scifi shows to be. Today, two tidbits from The Scifi Channel:

"Eureka" will be picking up the lovely and talented Frances Fisher. Fisher ("In The Valley Of Elah") will be playing Samantha Thorne, a Global Dynamics "fixer" who will appear for an eight-episode plot arc. No doubt she'll be on hand to sweep up the many, many complicated messes that the residents of Eureka manage to make. I bet she and the sheriff will get along just fine.

"Battlestar Galactica" fans are waiting with bated breath for any news on the upcoming "Caprica" prequel. Will it be awesome? Will it suck? Will it have Eric Stoltz? The last question, at least, can finally be answered. Stoltz will play Daniel Graystone, a filthy rich computer engineer with a terrible tragedy in his history. I'm sure that rosy, happy things will happen to him, and he definitely won't help to build a robot race that will eventually obliterate humanity.

Pilot Season: Busy Weekend For Network Execs

I'll just keep updating this item I think, because the pilot pickup news is coming fast and furious...

• Fox picked up J.J. Abrams "Fringe" and kept "'Til Death" alive but won't be going "Back To You" next season.
• "New Amsterdam" wasn't immortal after all.
• CW picked up "90210," complete with Jennie Garth, and "Stylista."
• CW also picked up a show Nikki Finke calls "This Is Our Money-Grubbing Attempt to Clone Gossip Girls But Not Call It A Spin-Off."
• And Nikki sez Tori Spelling might also be in "90210." Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
• Fox also picked up Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse."
• And the writers strike screwed up the whole process.

Actors Doing Stupid Things In Real Life

• Dennis Farina (right) is a a former Chicago cop, so he oughta know better. But the detective turned actor ("Law & Order," "Crime Story" and many movies like the current "What Happens in Vegas") got popped at LAX this weekend for having a loaded .22 in his carryon. He "forgot." Even he said it was stupid.
• Isaiah Washington has already made himself something of a Hollywood pariah by a) getting in a scuffle with a "Grey's Anatomy" co-star, b) using the word "faggot" during the dustup to refer to another co-star, c) denying he said it, d) saying it again and e) most damningly, failing to improve the ratings of "Bionic Woman" when he was added to the cast in a naked publicity grab midseason adjustment. So really, do you think it's a good idea for him to lawyer up and start bitching just because "Grey's" used his picture in a mock newspaper story on the show? Idiot.

Tonight's Picks: Monday, May 12

First of the two-part season finale of "House" finds him surviving a bus crash but afflicted with a patch of amnesia in addition to his leg problem, drug addiction and misanthropy. The must-see of the night.

Low-rated but entertainingly sleazy "Gossip Girl" tonight finds Serena's past coming back to haunt her. Oh, and Lisa Loeb.

On "How I Met Your Mother,"  Britney Spears returns as Abby, and she and Barney go to the bar together just to tick off Ted.