TV with MeeVee

Fox Cuts Commercial Time On SciFi Shows

Fox has announced their big plan to revolutionize TV advertising. I don't know if it will work, but since the big plan involves fewer commercials, I'm for it. In their upfront presentation yesterday, Fox execs announced "Remote-Free TV," a very fancy name for "showing fewer ads." Starting with Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse" and J.J. Abrams' "Fringe," the new model will involve showing only 5 minutes of commercials per hour and charging a premium for running your ad in that uncluttered landscape.

Whether it will work is anyone's guess, but it's an interesting move. I'd certainly be happier about a little less advertising to fast-forward through, but our friends at TV Squad are already missing their commercials. I also won't be happy if it comes at the price of more invasive product placement, like "Heroes" (brought to you by the Nissan Versa). Scifi fans will be tearing their hair out over the idea of "Dollhouse" and "Fringe" being experimented on, since genre shows on Fox already have an average lifespan of a mayfly, but maybe this will be the trick that keeps them afloat.

Turner Networks Unveil Program Plans, Icky Advertising Plan

I'll get to Turner's program plans in a minute, but the focus of their announcements this week was an almost web-like way of targeting ads.

"TVinContext promises to be the first large-scale system that combines the precise placement possible in digital advertising with the world of television," Turner's announcement said. "The initiative includes the examination and cataloging of thousands of scenes from Turner’s vast library of films and TV series, plus the custom matching of advertising content to place spots adjacent to relevant scenes. If a movie features a scene about marriage, Turner will be able to place an ad in the next commercial break for a related product, such as wedding rings. A movie scene in a café could be followed by an ad for coffee." The system will initially be available to a limited number of clients this fall.

Just a little creepy, isn't it?

Anyhoo, TNT in particular has big programming plans, building on the success of "The Closer" (right) and "Saving Grace," both of which return with new episodes in July. The network plans to have three full nights of original programming by 2010. Dramas in development include: "Delta Blues," about a Memphis cop who's an Elvis impersonator who lives with his mom, from producer George Clooney; "Morse Code," about a war hero turned Boston DEA agent, produced by and starring Donnie Wahlberg; and an untitled project about ATF agents from "24" producer Joel Surnow. These are in addition to previously announced shows with Steven Bochco and Ray Romano.

TBS, meanwhile, ordered 26 more episodes of "Tyler Perry's House of Payne," and committed to develop comedies with William H. Macy and Joey "Run" Simmons of Run DMC. Jamie Foxx and Robert Townsend are working on sketch comedy shows for TBS.

Toyota's Overseas Marketing Efforts

Apparently, inside every Toyota, there are a large number of small men doing your bidding.

Viral Ads That Make No Sense

This is a web-only viral ad for frosty beverages at Mac's, a chain of Canadian convenience stores. You may object that it makes no sense, but fans will respond that the nonsense is the point.

Breakfast Links

• Disney is already transitioning to the next generation of "High School Musical" stars. They hope. "4" is in the works, and some new characters may be introduced in "3." (Hollywood Reporter)
• "BSG" star Tricia Helfer is getting a show of her own. (Hollywood Reporter)
• I'm glad to see someone commenting on the horror of the Go Phone commercial starring Meatloaf and Tiffany. Although, you know, they have to make money somehow, right? (BuzzSugar)
• "Secret Talents of the Stars" not so good. (TV Guide)
• And finally, thanks to BuzzSugar for introducing me to this hysterically funny "Lost" compilation clip which shows characters asking, "What?" and "What?" and What?!" ad infinitum, much like the oft-baffled viewers of the show...

"Just Say No" Takes On New Enemies: Montana Meth

Defamer says that Alejandro González Iñárritu has signed up to do some anti-drug ads focusing on methamphetamine. I'm not sure which of the spots over at The Meth Project are the ones he's done but they're all very clever and very well produced.

If Officer Bunch from D.A.R.E hadn't come to my fifth grade class and told us all the same things about PCP ("they put it in salt shakers at fast food restaurants!), crack (you're immediately hooked!), marijuana (gateway!), heroin ("you're lucky if you die right away"), and LSD ("birth defects!), I would probably believe them.

Still, the ads are definitely in the category of what the marketing execs who plan them probably call "impactful." They're way creepier and more nightmare-inducing than most of the violent horror movies we've got coming out these days.

Maybe they should make a full-length methsploitation feature, harking back to such brilliant cinematic pieces as "Reefer Madness" (embedded below). I bet they could get ONDCP funding for it, too.

Schweppes Ad Makes Me Thirsty

Seriously, I think we need to get the word "schweppervescence" back into daily usage. I'm really craving a ginger ale. With gin in it.

"Delightfully Creepy" Is Right

Slate calls the new grownup-oriented late-night Cheetos ads "delightfully creepy" and they're right. Chester has begun to act more like a psychotic hallucination and less like a brand mascot. And nothing is more delightfully creepy than a psychotic hallucination urging you to eat cheese snacks.

Spy Hunter Meets Pontiac

Since when does GM have a good advertising team? Since when do they have the ability to produce something exciting and affordable? This Pontiac G6 advertisement not only brings me back to childhood weekends lost to pizza and Spy Hunter. And it even kind of makes me want to buy a car. An American car. Weird.

Beer Makes Me Feel This Way Too

This Australian beer ad has convinced me that with enough hope and a good soundtrack, I could dance my way into a good job.

Also clever: A Very Big Ad For Beer.

Worst Movie Of All Time Vs. Best Commercial Ever

Paris Hilton's film "The Hottie And The Nottie" has done rather poorly at the box office (Kids: If you're looking for an empty movie theater for making-out purposes, this is your movie!). But who would have imagined that it would take the crown of "IMDB's Worst Movie Ever" away from 2004's "Zombie Nation?" Well, aside from me?

Meanwhile, The Hater has found what they believe to be The Greatest Commercial Ever:

While I love the mix of psychedelic beach freakout setting and reggaeton jingle, I don't know if it quite matches up to the Baby Safe Haven PSA in terms of production values:

Best Ad Ever

What can I say? I just love the idea of a monkey riding a dog delivering burritos.

Anything With Badgers Is Funny

I have a theory that anything involving badgers is funny. See if you agree with me:

There's also a moment in the "Simpsons" episode "A Tale Of Two Springfields" where Homer gets attacked by a badger. Because Fox hates the internet, I can't get it for you, but trust me, it's brilliant. For more information about badgers, go to What Badgers Eat Dot Com.

Did You Vote Today?

Bostonist found this video of McLovin and Ed Helms reminding you to vote and explaining how votes are counted by a multi-tentacled alien on the moon. Since it's Super Fat Tuesday, with 24 states nominating someone today, the odds are pretty good you should vote today.

Voting and YOU!
Uploaded by declareyourself

People Of Earth: Buy Star Trek Merch!

Sales Genie Ads Mock Chinese, Indians

A groundswell of outrage seems to be building over at least one of SalesGenie.com's stupid racist Super Bowl ads. As seen below, a couple of cartoon Pandas with caricatured Chinese accents star. Nice. Read the reaction here and here and here and here and...

It appears this company may have spent $2.7 million a spot to drive itself right out of business. Another SalesGenie.com ad from earlier in the game features a hapless, stubbled-chinned Indian or Pakistani salesman with seven children who appears only slightly less caricatured than Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. Why SalesGenie, why?

Justin Timberlake And The Super Bowl Ads

Justin Timberlake getting hit in the nards: Funny? Or childish and immature? More importantly, which part of the Super Bowl do you like best: The ads, the snacks, or the football?

OK, so there were some fun ads - the mouse kicking the kid's ass for Doritos, the Planter's Nuts ad where the ugly woman becomes hot by smelling like cashews, the baby with the creepy clown, and of course Justin getting racked on the mailbox- but mostly I was disappointed.

The only two memorable ads were the slightly racist Taco Bell ad with the Latin Lover, and the incredibly racist Sales Genie ad starring pandas with clichéd Chinese accents. Seriously: What. The. Hell?

You can watch them all at MySpace, but I have to admit, very, very few of them are any good.

Dude...

It's still not going to make me drink the beer, but the new Budweiser "dude" spot is a brilliant piece of linguistics and the advertising arts. Slate's Ad Report Card gives it an A-, possibly because it doesn't sell the actual beer enough, but I think that as entertainment it's got to be an A.

How To Become Pants-Man

If you want to become a pants-wearing man, you must learn to poop in the toilet, says the following instructional video from Japan, featuring a family of tigers and some dancing, singing poo.

The Real Super Bowl Showdown: Coke Vs. Pepsi

Sure, the Patriots and that other team are going to be a big part of the Super Bowl festivities this February 3, but we all know the real point of the game: Advertising. That's why I tune in, anyway. ONTD has a list of some of the major advertisers who have bought spots for the game: Carmakers and movie studios, of course, and also Budweiser, Coke, CareerBuilder, and Frito Lay. From my perspective, it looks like the biggest showdown is going to be between Coke and G2, a new low-calorie sports drink from PepsiCo's Gatorade division. The outcome hinges on whether football fans are athletes, or drinkers of corn-syrupy soda. OK, obviously, corn syrup is going to win that challenge --  but can it beat the spread?

Japan Wins At Weird Advertising

I think I'd eat a lot more toast if it had a picture of a panda burned into it. The weather-toaster is also kind of neat, sure, but it's not actually available commercially. This is:

The Latest Spay-And-Neuter PSA Is Kind Of Dirty

PETA has some controversial causes, and some controversial tactics, but just about everyone can agree that spaying and neutering pets (excuse me, companion animals) is a good idea. I mean, Bob Barker always closed "The Price Is Right" with that same message, right? I guess he wasn't quite as suggestive as the PETA version, but it's the same goal:

Don't Forget To Register And Vote

Chris Mintz-Plasse, perhaps better known as McLovin' from "Superbad," strongly urges that you Declare Yourself - that is, register to vote. He'll even show you how. In his bedroom. And then he'll show you a lot more... It's almost as shocking as Diane Keaton using the F-word in a televised conversation with Diane Sawyer on "Good Morning America."

Best Christmas Present Ever: Oozinator

This is actually an ad from last summer, but still, it's the most disconcertingly dirty toy since the Nimbus 2000 vibrating broomstick.

Guinness Ads Get Completely Insane

Annals Of Local Advertising: No Badgers

Local car-dealership ads are usually terrible, and not just because of the low production values. It's usually a half-assed gimmick, a local athlete, or the dealership's owner thinking charisma that works on the showroom floor will carry over onto TV. In my town, the guy shouts "come on down!" as though the audience were going to win a car on "The Price Is Right."

But sometimes, you get something brilliant, like this ad in which a sexist badger is rude to a woman trying to buy a car:

Take-home message: Johnson Autos is not infested with badgers.  I'm guessing they went to WhatBadgersEat.com and checked out the various things badgers eat,  used those foods to lure them into cages, and then released them in the woods far away. It's the only really humane way to rid your car dealership of badgers.