TV with MeeVee

Casting Notes From All Over

• "CSI" will replace Jorja Fox with former "L Word" actress Lauren Lee Smith (right). Canadian Smith had a recurring role as chef Lara on that series, which airs on CBS' corporate cousin Showtime. She was also on the TV series "Intelligence" and several TV movies in the "Christy" series. (Buddy TV)
• A scary and difficult-to-watch episode of HBO's "Six Feet Under" was "That's My Dog," which had Michael C. Hall's David pick up a psycho hitchhiker named Jake, played by Michael Weston. Weston, who played Jake in three subsequent episodes as well, is now named as the actor who'll play a private eye on some episode of "House" next season, as an audition for a possible spinoff. (TV Guide)
• Kelly Preston, aka Mrs. John Travolta, has been tapped to play one of the gang leaders in the HBO pilot "Suburban Shootout." It's based on an hilarious British series about suburban matrons gone feral. Most entertaining. (Hollywood Reporter)

Fox Announces 2008-09 Season Plans

Fox wants you to feel their electricity. No, really. "“Broadcast television needs a jolt. We feel it’s our responsibility, as the No. 1 network for the last four seasons, to provide that electricity,” Fox Broadcasting Entertainment Chairman Peter Liguori says in remarks  prepared for his upfront presentation to advertisers in New York today.

The schedule announced this morning puts the most focus on dramas from J.J. Abrams ("Lost") and Joss Whedon ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer"). The network is not exactly reinventing the wheel, but they are putting something besides repeats on Friday night. And the bloated "American Idol" results show gets cuts back to a half hour in '09.

Fox executives on a conference call with reporters this morning admit that, like the other networks, Fox has fewer new shows due to the writers strike's disruption of the development cycle. Of course, when you're the most-watched network among total viewers as well as viewers 18-49 ...no worries mon. And they say they actually have shows in development now for all the way to the start of 2010.

Two new series debut in the fall:

"Fringe" (above), a thriller from Abrams, stars newcomer Anna Torv, Joshua Jackson and John Noble as allies thrown together to investigate weirdness emanating from a mysterious Boston plane crash. Think "Lost" meets "The X-Files." It will air behind "House" on Tuesday nights in the fall.

"Do Not Disturb" is a comedy with Jerry O'Connell as a manager at an upscale New York hotel; Jason Bateman of "Arrested Development" will direct some episodes.

The "24" prequel also airs in November, as we reported earlier this morning. One Fox exec on the call just termed it "a really cool piece of standalone business."

Coming after the first of the year - along with "24" and "American Idol" - are four more new series, including another giving-it-away reality show, called "Secret Millionaire."

The year's most anticipated drama is Whedon's "Dollhouse" (right). Eliza Dushku, who enlivened the final seasons of "Buffy," stars as one of an underground group who have their personalities "wiped" and replaced with new ones in order to better carry out their secret missions.

In the spring we'll see two comedies, the unlikely "Family Guy" spinoff "Cleveland" and the animated "Sit Down, Shut Up," from "Arrested Development" creator Mitchell Hurwitz. That's about a group of less-than-dedicated teachers, with Bateman leading the voice cast.

Tidbits from the conference call:

Someone just asked the execs how they decided whether to give "Fringe" or "Dollhouse" the fall launch. Entertainment President Kevin Reilly - I think it was him, anyway - said it was "a high-class problem to have." Whedon had seven scripts written from the get-go, but Abrams finished pilot production sooner. Whdeon welcomed the extra time, the execs said.

A few quick news bites

• Fox scored big with "House" last night, which was second overall in the ratings (behind "Dancing with the Stars") and tops in the 18-49 demo advertisers love. (TV By The Numbers)
• "American Idol" returns with the final three tonight, but Fox can't be too thrilled with last week's numbers. And despite the excellent backstabbing that went on, CBS' "Survivor" finale on Sunday didn't even make the top 10. (AP)
• "The Sopranos" on iTunes. For a price, of course. (Reuters)
• A spoilerrific report on Gary Dourdan's final "CSI" appearance until after rehab on Thursday. (Buddy TV)
• "The Office" last week had the biggest DVR audience seen so far - a whopping 43.4% ratings increase from "live viewing only" to "live + 7 days." (TV By The Numbers)

See you for the American Idol liveblog in a couple of hours!

"House" Season Finale: He Can't Remember...

...and then, finally, he can, and it's worse. I just got finished watching a rough cut of tonight's "House," which is part one of the two-part season finale, and without spoiling anything, I can tell you it's a wowser. There's high drama and medical mystery, as he takes insane risks to retrieve his memory of four missing hours in his life.

Oh, and we get to see Cuddy do a pole dance. Seriously.   

Tonight's episode actually opens in a strip club where a disheveled, boozed-up House is getting a lap dance. But he doesn't remember what he's doing there, and he quickly realizes the memory loss is more important than the lap dance. He stumbles outside to find emergency personnel tending the terrible aftermath of a violent bus crash. He was one of the passengers, and apparently wandered away from the wreckage and into the strip club. But why is he full of booze? Why was he on the bus? And why does he feel the terrible certainty that someone is going to die if he doesn't remember soon?

To find the answers, he has to climb back onto the bus in the moments before the crash - so he spends most of the hour trying drugs and hypnosis and more to get back the four hours he lost.

At times his subconscious intrudes, which is how we get the Cuddy strip show.

Tonight's Picks: Monday, May 12

First of the two-part season finale of "House" finds him surviving a bus crash but afflicted with a patch of amnesia in addition to his leg problem, drug addiction and misanthropy. The must-see of the night.

Low-rated but entertainingly sleazy "Gossip Girl" tonight finds Serena's past coming back to haunt her. Oh, and Lisa Loeb.

On "How I Met Your Mother,"  Britney Spears returns as Abby, and she and Barney go to the bar together just to tick off Ted.

Afternoon "Only Five More Hours Till Jason Goes Buh-Bye" Links

• "American Idol's" Tuesday night ratings were down more than 3 million viewers from the week before - apparently a bunch of people just decided that Paula's judging screwup was the last straw? (TV By The Numbers)
• "Life On Mars" is the pilot that just won't die. Last year's plan to remake the BBC hit has turned into an actual pilot, but... (BuzzSugar)
• A private-eye spinoff for "House?" (TV Guide)
• "Monk" and "Psych" go back to cable. (Buddy TV)
• GLAAD is in favor of the gay marriage on "Brothers & Sisters." Who knew? (Buddy TV)

Morning links busted with pot, Ecstasy, steroids, underaged country singer

No, no, no, we're not Gary Dourdan OR Roger Clemens. We're just good old morning links. We kid because we crave your attention...

• Early word on"Family Guy" spinoff "Cleveland" (right) and other pilotless fall pickup probables. (Hollywood Reporter)
• The return of "House" gives Fox a boost. (TV Decoder)
• And more on Monday ratings. (Televisionista)
• A loooooot of kids want to be in "High School Musical." Like, no kidding. (Buddy TV)
• Coming this fall on the "24" prequel: Jack Bauer in Africa. Cool! (Buddy TV)
• Big episode for "Reaper" Tuesday. C'mon, CW, renew this show! (TV Squad)
• Lucille Bluth and other "90210" casting news. (TV Addict)
• Katie's ratings still suck to the max. (TV Week)

Morning Links With Bare Shoulders By Annie Leibovitz

Saving "Reaper" from the cancellation scythe? (LA Times)
Fixing CW in general. (Reuters)
Gale Harold joining "Desperate Housewives." (Televisionista)
I'm not the only one with a contrarian rant about the Miley Cyrus brouhaha. (Televisionista)
"House" episode deconstructed. "Other hand!" Funny! (TV Squad)
"Gossip Girl" recap - what are they saying about Miley? (Buddy TV)

Afternoon Tea & Links & Video

• Oscar winner Angela Bassett will throw away her proud career by appearing on the dying dwarf star that is "ER" as a series regular during its final season in the fall. (E! Online)
• The audience for "The Office" grows by a pretty astounding 37.6 percent when time-shifted viewing by DVRs is included. (TV By The Numbers)
• "House" returns to Fox with new episodes tonight. BuzzSugar has a pretty good reminder of where we were, and a nice little clip showing the House-Wilson-Cutthroat Bitch dynamic at work:

Monday Links: Stuff We Couldn't Make Up

• HBO has pissed off Hell's Angels founder Sonny Barger. To whom did this seem like a good idea? (Hollywood Reporter)
• Tim Allen's web avatar is even scarier than he is. Seriously, look at this thing. (TV Squad)
• Global warming has been stopped in its tracks. Iraq is a utopia of religious understanding and nonviolence. Everyone in Africa has enough to eat. And so President George W. Bush will appear on tonight's episode of "Deal Or No Deal." OMFG.
• A new "High School Musical" game is out for Nintendo. It's like the third or fourth game based on the movies. Who knew. (BuddyTV)
• In possibly the greatest misuse of a new technology since the atom bomb, "Entertainment Tonight" and "The Insider" will soon broadcast in HD. (Broadcasting & Cable)
• Pellicano trial testimony connects former Hollywood heavy Mike Ovitz to threat against Anita Busch. Sorta. Kinda. (Deadline Hollywood Daily)
• Cuba will soon air "Grey's Anatomy" and "The Sopranos." They already have "House," "Friends" and "Everybody Loves Raymond." Somebody wanna explain how the studios get around the embargo there? (Reuters)

Morning Links: House And More

• Maureen Ryan has an awesomely substantive interview with "House" producer David Shore that gives a lot of info if you read carefully. Supposedly this is only part of the interview, too. (The Watcher)
• Jenny Garth is out of the "My Best Friend's Girl" comedy pilot, leading to speculation that she may reprise her "90210" character, Kelly, in the new version of that show. Writer Rob Thomas was said to be seeking her. (Hollywood Reporter)
• Just one problem. Thomas is stepping back from the "90210" gig to focus on his two other pilots (for ABC), so Fox is looking for a new showrunner. (E! Online)
• CNN knuckles under and apologizes to the Chinese after Jack Cafferty tells the truth about their government. Did Rupert Murdoch buy CNN and I missed it? (Reuters)
• "Dancing With The Stars" ratings drop even as Priscilla Presley is punted. (Hollywood Reporter)
• Bravo talks about its upcoming shows, including the last of "Project Runway" before it moves to Lifetime. (Broadcasting & Cable)

But enough seriousness. Please enjoy this video montage of "Star Trek Orgasms," courtesy of the fine folks at College Humor:

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Hugh Laurie Just Doesn't Stop Being Great

The Times (UK) has an extensive feature on our pal Hugh Laurie this week. As usual, the profile emphasizes his pessimism, his reluctance to move his kids to the US despite the ongoing success of "House," and his discomfort with fame and fortune.

Of course, he doesn't whine about it. He says everything's going really well - it's only that he keeps fearing it's going to collapse any minute. The article quotes him as saying  "Southern California is beautiful. There is a real sensuous pleasure in riding to work [on his Triumph motorbike] at half past five in the morning." It also notes that he's “a huge admirer of the openness, energy, optimism and dynamism of Americans… " while ridiculing "this idea that Americans have no sense of irony – I mean, Americans hardly do anything unironically these days. If you want a drink of water, you have to say, ‘I really don’t want a drink of water.'"

I know I don't do anything unironically these days. Especially not watch or write about television. Or motorcycles. (Note that Hugh is riding an MV Agusta, not a Triumph, in that photo, and that he's doing it without a helmet on. I disapprove on both counts.)

"House," "Bones" And Other Fox Series Back In Business

Dr. House will once again be insulting the deathly ill. Why do we love him so.

Booth and Brennan will be flirting inappropriately over the grotesque remains of innocent crime victims. And Peter Griffin will be back sobbing into his beer at the Drunken Clam.

Fox has announced resumed production and post-strike premiere dates for a bunch of shows. Among those that will be back on the set is "24," which will finish up production on its seventh season, even though it won't return until Jan. 2009.

"Bones" will be back with new shows April 14, while "House" follows two weeks later. The much-ballyhooed Julianna Margulies courtroom series "Canterbury's Law" finally sees the air March 10. The complete press release with all the details is after the jump.

TV Critics Love "Pushing Daisies," Hate "Cavemen"

(Begin pointless personal digression.) I have a soft spot for the semi-annual TV Week Critics Poll. (Read the story here and results here.) Back when the magazine was called Electronic Media, I used to be in the poll all the time, and I started talking to the people over there - we were all in Chicago at the time - and I ended up getting hired as assistant managing editor. While I worked there I ran the poll a couple of times, too, which gave me lots of time to talk to my critic friends who I only got to see on press tour otherwise. So this poll is like an old pal. (End pointless personal digression.)

But seriously, "Pushing Daisies" is better than "Mad Men"??? I don't think so. Better than "House" or "The Office"?? Really? Uh, no.

Ten Best Series
1. Pushing Daisies
2. Mad Men
3. Dexter
4. 30 Rock
5. Friday Night Lights
6. Damages
7. House
8. The Office (tie)
8. Ugly Betty (tie)
10. Californication

Worst after the jump...

Paging Dr. House: A Minnesota Medical Mystery

Tonight's episode of "House" is about a woman whose neurological problems may also be causing intense religious experiences. We'll spend a merry hour this evening chasing down obscure brain diseases and insulting the faithful (few of whom, fortunately, are likely to watch the show).

But if this strike ever ends, there's another neurological problem I'd love to see Dr. House tackle: The partial paralysis of Minnesota slaughterhouse workers exposed to aerosolized pig brains. After twelve cases and more than a year, doctors have only a vague understanding of what happened: Some people spend eight hours a day using pressurized air to remove the brains from pig skulls, don't wear face masks, and therefore inhale fine particles of raw hog brain. The immune system attacks the foreign particles, but because pig brains are rather similar to human brains, it can occasionally begin attacking human nervous system as well. The next thing you know, you can't move your legs. Paging Dr. House!

(Photo: Tina from Flickr)

Morning Reading: Belated "Hey, I Had To Vote" Edition

• The WGA has scheduled major membership meetings for the weekend to talk strike settlement. (Scribe Vibe)
• I don't know how I missed this over the weekend, but here's a really good Wall Street Journal article on this season's, um, tortuous creative process on "24," which now may not debut until January 2009. (WSJ.com)
• Bryan Cranston talks "Breaking Bad." (Buddy TV)
• While the Super Bowl set a ratings record for the game, the post-game episode of "House" did very well too, scoring 33 million viewers. Or maybe 29 million. Either way, not bad since in New York and Boston it was considerably delayed for local post-game blather. (newsday.com and nyt.com)

What An Upset! Wilson's Dating HER???

Those of your "House" fans who TIVO'd last night's episode and went to bed after the Super Bowl will want to click away from this post RIGHT NOW because of the GINORMOUS SPOILER I'm about to unveil after the jump.

But I think I can say that "Frozen" was an excellent episode, with devilish banter and some genuine feeling between Hugh Laurie's Dr. House and guest Mira Sorvino as a deathly ill scientist trapped at the South Pole. Laurie and Sorvino played a touching and funny two-handed game, despite having to conduct it over a video hookup. Here are some samples CONTAINING SPOILERS:

The episode's other excitement, of course, was when House finally achieved his objective and found out who Wilson's dating...

Morning Reading: Writers Strike, "Eli Stone," "Jericho" And More

• TiFaux has joined the strike-centric Adopt A Writer project, but also has the best criticism of it in the headline for this item: "TV Writers and TV Bloggers: Holding Hands, Riding on Unicorns."
• ABC has added a disclaimer to its controversial premiere of "Eli Stone." (TV Guide)
• Photo spoilers for the season premiere of "Jericho." (Televisionista)
• Bob Newhart will stand in for his late TV spouse, Suzanne Pleshette, where her star on the Walk of Fame is dedicated. (TV Squad)
• Another sign of the apocalypse: "Celebrity Apprentice" gets a second season. but where oh where will they find someone as creepy as Gene Simmons (right)? (TV Squad)
• Screen Actors Guilding begins to prepare for its negotiations with the producers. (LA Times)
• "Idol" and "House" kick ass in Tuesday ratings. Duh. (TV Decoder)
• Another studio strikes a side deal with the writers. (Scribe Vibe)
• Self-aggrandizing douchebag Dr. Phil says he "regrets" the Britney mess, but, uh, he didn't violate anyone's trust, and he only did what he did to "stop speculation." (AP)
• On the bright side, "Montel" is history. (H'wood reporter via Reuters)
• Breaking "24" news: Chloe is pregnant! Well, not Chloe, but the actress who plays her. (E!)

"House" Saves Christmas For January

Last night's "House" was a Christmas special, which threw me off the entire time. Hugh Laurie and company were all in fine form, and there were plenty of great one-liners, and of course a tear-jerking moment with the patient's brutally honest daughter (TVSquad has a recap...) but the fact that it was a month late just seemed incongruous. Not that I minded all that much: I was laughing.

What will stick with me, though, was the scenes of House flirting with Melanie (Jennifer Hall, at left). He thought she was a hooker with a bestiality show, and she let him believe it, but she turned out to be Mary in the live nativity scene. Not that those are mutually exclusive, but I think that's what they were implying.

Those scenes made me feel kind of uncomfortable, but in a good way. Wow, that's a sexy smile.

Loving "House"

Watched the repeat of the pilot of Fox's "House" last night and was surprised at how poorly lit and shot it was - were they going for noir? But the show's writing was already at a high level and so was Hugh Laurie's performance. So it was fun to dial up Blogcritics today and find this piece about the medicine of "House," including insightful interviews with one of the show's medical advisers and a blogger who devotes himself to nitpicking its mistakes.

"He paces hospital corridors, juggles office implements, twirls his cane, fidgets with elastic bands, plays with that oversized ball, pops another Vicodin, interrogates his team, writes on his white board, sometimes even visits a patient. Dr. Gregory House brings the act of thinking to kinetic life each week, a remarkable achievement for a visual medium like television," writes Diane Christine. Nice.

"House is such a damaged character. He's such an unreliable narrator that his personal affectation of being a total schmuck is belied by the warmth and generosity in his face," says technical adviser Dr. Lisa Sanders. Also nice. And then they get to the medicine.

Worth a read if you're a fan.

"House" Sings?

Just... No. Don't do it. I beg you. It was funny on "Buffy," but it's not funny for "House."

"House" Gets The Eye Of A Real Doctor

Every week, Polite Dissent reviews "House" and assigns grades. Each show gets rated on the quality of the medical mystery, whether the solution is interesting, whether the medicine in the show is realistic, and most importantly, whether the story is any fun. The most recent episode, with the aging punk rocker, didn't fare so well on any count.

Newsflash: Hugh Laurie Loves Star Trek

"House" star Hugh Laurie revealed in an interview that he likes "Star Trek." There's plenty of substance and character analysis in the full interview, but I'm still getting over the fact that he watches Trek.

Dr. House And The CIA: What Would House Do?

Tonight on "House," Dr. House gets into a CIA plane.  This Spring, Hugh Laurie talked to Men's Vogue about the difficulties of success and how pessimistic he is. Tonight, I stole this picture from that article. Just so credit is given where credit is due.

Anyway, tonight's episode begins with a drag-racing young lady (reference to Danica Patrick, anyone?) but the debate is interrupted by the arrival of a CIA agent. House doesn't believe he's for real until he sees the black helicopter. He doesn't like the idea of working with the CIA until he sees the co-worker: Michael Michele. Oh hells yeah.

Now's about the point where, as I promised earlier, I exclaim that House is an incredible jerk.

The real plot, though, is based on the Alexander Litvinenko incident: CIA agent with sketchy history has disgusting rashes and they think it's an assassination attempt.

Meanwhile, the team back home tries to be Dr. House, and struggles to figure out WWHD. Oh hey, break out the Dr. House drinking game, because someone said "It's not lupus." It's never lupus. Seriously.

Did I say House was a jerk? Because he's a jerk. The CIA agent is dying, and he's trying to get into Michael Michele's pants. Then again, it's Michael Michele. I'd probably do the same thing. Maybe I should start living by the WWHD principle.

On the plus side the dialogue in this episode is incredibly witty, even for House. He asks her if she'll show him some "advanced interrogation techniques" and she says that if he cures the patient, she'll "show him her private waterboard."

Anyway, House does manage to solve his case, but the team back home, though, runs into a few problems with theirs. The big one is that one guy takes House's "do whatever it takes" motto a little too far, fakes some lab tests and and is forced to quit. At the end, Michael Michele quits the CIA to come to work for House.

Dammit, now I'm going to have to learn her character's name! I can't even identify of any of his other team members except for the one he calls "Thirteen" and that guy played by Kumar (imdb says the actor is Kal Penn and the character's name is Kutner).

Dr. House Drinking Games

Both Television Without Pity and Be The Story have "House" drinking game ideas, where you have to take a drink every time vasculitis is mentioned, or whenever Dr. House sexually harasses someone, or whatever. The idea is kind of in-joke bingo. After watching this week's episode, I have a much simpler idea: Take a drink every time you feel moved to shout "Augh! House is such an ass!"

Writer's Strike Looms, But Hugh Laurie Stays Home

As you all know by now, there's a good chance for a writer's strike sometime soon (although not tonight, if last-minute rumors are true). This isn't the first time Hollywood has seen labor unrest, though, and if you think the studios are too liberal, wait 'til you see their attitude toward the folks who brought you the weekend.

No, really. Look at Alfamont's snarky history of strikes gone by, where they tell the story of the Disney animation strike of 1941: "The strike turned violent when Disney struck his head animator with a wooden mallet, causing retaliation in the shape of an anvil dropped from the second story of the animation building. It was this strike that would ultimately cost Clara the Cow her career." They skip the most recent big strike, however, back in the 80's. That was the one that gave us such innovations as... well... "Cops."

As the negotiation deadlines approach, most shows are scrambling to get their work done in advance. "House" has an added burden, because star Hugh Laurie has gone home for some emergency family time. While I previously speculated that his kids had been misbehaving, it appears that he was getting increasingly stressed out and depressed, and really just... needed a break to spend some time with the family. Ladies and gentlemen, he's not only the greatest actor on my TiVo, he's also the sole person in Hollywood who knows that family matters more than getting one more episode of "House" in the can before the strike.

Let's Speculate About Hugh Laurie's Personal Life

News reports say Hugh Laurie has suddenly jetted back to the UK for some sort of personal matter.

The producers have OK'ed the trip, but it's obviously an emergency, because production is ramping up in advance of a possible writer's strike and because the November sweeps period is just days away.

Now, there are a variety of reasons anyone would leave work during a big crunch and rush off home. For example, a sick relative. When David Beckham's father had a heart attack, Becks flew right out. But in general, you also say what's up when you have a sick relative.

My guess would be that one of Laurie's three teenage kids is in deep trouble, maybe an arrest or maybe just caught out after curfew one too many times. Anyone else have a better idea?

The "House" Motorcycle And Hugh Laurie's Bike

I mentioned sometime earlier that Dr. House rides a Honda CBR1100RR in the Repsol color scheme, but
here's a bit more Hugh Laurie motorcycle gossip:

Item One: An actual CBR1100RR signed by High Laurie was auctioned off for charity on Ebay this summer. I can't tell if it was the actual one he rides on "House," but I think not.

Item 2:  Superbike Planet points out that back when the Doctor got the bike in 2005, he test-drove an Aprilia Mille, but settled on the Honda. That's apparently because Honda paid more than the Italian manufacturer to get onto the show. Also, let's just all note that in the real world, almost nobody lets you test-drive a motorcycle.

Item 3: Crazy Days And Nights found this picture of Hugh Laurie's personal ride, a Triumph Bonneville. The classic British bike, now made with contemporary technology and reliability, is what you'd expect a clever British actor like Laurie to ride. Oddly, rapper Pink has a similar machine herself, which seems a little more surprising.

Morning Links Exchange

Julian McMahon talks about the upcoming season of "Nip/Tuck." (Buddy TV)
And is "Nip/Tuck" the new "Love Boat?" Uh, no. (TV Addict)
The Times, of all places, offers a bracingly sardonic assessment of a reaction to a recent tragedy/normal Darwinian interaction on "Meerkat Manor." (NYT)
Goodman asks his blog readers which of their favorite shows are going off the rails this season, and "Heroes" and "Friday Night Lights" and "Rescue Me" all come up a lot. Some smartass also complains about the current season of "Veronica Mars." (SFGate)
Recap of the third episode of "Reaper," which I haven't seen yet because I watched "House." (Buddy TV)
Myself I lost track of "Damages" a long time ago - no rooting interest - but here's every twist and turn of this week's ep. recounted in advance of the season finale. (TV Squad)
We've mentioned the way DVR ratings have been roiling the waters. Now comes word that the execrable soap "Gossip Girl" has been renewed mainly on the strength of its live+ ratings. (Televisionista)
Cable ratings good for "Brotherhood." (Hollywood Reporter)
And last week's top broadcast shows. (AP)
"Bionic Woman" ratings could use a power boost. (E! Online)

Bonus Afternoon Links Festival

• An interview with Michaela Conlin (right), who plays Angela on "Bones." (Buddy TV)
• Love "Mad Men" on AMC. Brilliant. Deep. My favorite new show of the year, so far. Only two eps left this season. But at least we'll be getting the max out of the Oct. 18 season finale. (TV Squad)
• The three funniest words ever written about Victoria Beckham. (Glitterati)
• Spoilers for tonight's "House." (BuzzSugar)
• Proof that us reviewers know what we're talking about: "Journeyman" ratings are down. Proof that we don't: "Chuck" and "Heroes" are also sagging. (Televisionista)
• Proof that the jury's still out: "Cavemen's" fate will likely be revealed tonight, when its second episode airs. last week's big numbers reflected poorly on all of us critics, who HATED the show. But they may also have reflected a big curiosity tune-in. (Buddy TV)

"House" fans, really, you call this a spoiler?

I mean, c'mon, we all know the kids are coming back, right? "House" and "Bones" return to the air tonight in what looks like a pretty strong Tuesday pairing for Fox. And Dr. House is certainly in fine shape. He's still without his team of brilliant lackeys, Foreman and Cameron and Chase, who all flew the coop in the season finale and have all found new avenues to pursue. But there are distant early warning signs of their return. Hey, the actors turned up for the show's press conference this summer and SAID they're coming back eventually, so I'm not calling that a spoiler. Get a grip, people.

Without the kids to torture and do all his work for him, though, House, as played by the great Hugh Laurie, is even crankier than usual. Especially when Wilson kidnaps his cherished 1967 Gibson Flying V guitar in hopes of forcing him to hire a new team. "If you're broke, I can loan you a tiny fraction of the money I owe you," House says with what amounts to generosity for him. But no dice, so he's reduced to his old standby, snapping at Cuddy. "You can enable and rationalize at the same time - I guess you're still dean of medicine," he tells her.

This is an especially fun episode for that deluded chunk of the fanbase that keeps insisting online that House and Wilson are made for each other, in the romantic sense. Their old married couple act really gets a workout. But House does find a new assistant, Dr. Buffer, who proves of use in cracking his latest case. Well, sort of. But he's also getting scads of candidates for the new team and next week he begins winnowing them down in the most humiliating fashion he can think up. Yup, looks like another fine season in the works, whether or not he hires #13.

"House" Gets Dirty: Dr. Chase Nude Photos

This is a very special post for everyone out there who has ever read or posted to our still-active comment thread from a few months ago, the one with the big argument about the potential for House/Wilson romance. We want you to know that we're there for you.

When a Disney nipple slips, we're there. When a Hollywood hottie strips, we're there. And when a very, very NSFW website posts full-frontal pictures of Jesse Spencer (Dr. Robert Chase) nude, well, we're there.

Yes, it's full-frontal "House" nudity. Want the uncropped image? Head over to QueerClick, and don't say we didn't warn you it was not-safe-for-work.

And if you don't like seeing naked dudes? Well, just thank your lucky stars it's not Hugh Laurie.

Fall TV Night-By-Night: Tuesday

Tuesday's prime-time lineup features the most doomed hour of television this fall and a tough choice for viewers at 9 o'clock.

Many, me included, think ABC has lost its mind in opening this night with the new sitcoms "Cavemen" and "Carpoolers." "Cavemen," spun off from the Geico insurance ads, is a) bad b) controversial c) really bad or d) all of the above. As you may have guessed, the correct answer is (d). The producers say they're trying to satirize prejudice, but for some viewers at least, they're enacting it. "Carpoolers," on the other hand, is just bad. Some critics predict "Cavemen" will be the first show canceled this fall, although you can perhaps wonder if sheer curiosity might bring enough of an early tune-in to earn it a reprieve. ABC isn't rolling out these two until Oct. 2. Otherwise, the network is sitting pretty with returning shows "Dancing With The Stars" and "Boston Legal," both due Sept. 25.

CBS stands pat for its more traditional viewers with "NCIS" and "The Unit" followed by the new Jimmy Smits drama "Cane," all on Sept. 25 The latter show, about a large Cuban American sugar-cane dynasty in Florida, is more soap opera than action thriller, but still, this looks like a solid if unsurprising evening of television. And there's a lot of word of mouth on "Cane," thanks mainly to Smits and some young eye candy.

2007 Emmy Predictions Part 4: Drama Series

Four of the five nominees in this category have a chance to win this year, and I'm not sure I can make any meaningful prediction about which one it will be. But dammit, that's not going to stop me from trying! And frankly, most people who make these predictions, about the Emmys in particular, are talking out of  their ass. Sheer merit is only one of many factors that go into deciding who takes home the little statuettes, with other and perhaps more important ones including changes in the judging process, Hollywood politics, high-school style popularity issues and perceived momentum. So let's roll the dice! Here are the nominees...

ABC's "Boston Legal" could be renamed "No Chance" for the
purposes of this post. Audiences are moving away from the David E. Kelley school of high-stakes wackiness. There are some fine moments here, especially when James Spader and William Shatner are sitting out on the deck, philosophising over drinks and cigars. But you're not going to see them on the podium at the end of the night. And there are better shows that weren't even nominated - "Rescue Me" is just one that comes to mind, so don't cry for Kelley and company.

Massive Morning Reads Breakdown: Something For Everyone

The folks at "Criminal Minds" tell the New York Times that Joe Mantegna is a fantastic replacement for Mandy Patinkin, and the show will be better than ever, and Mantegna was the one they were really serious about offering the part, despite all those reports about Geena Davis and others. Uh huh. ... GMMR mulls bloggers as an avenue for TV publicity. ... Ramblings Of A TV Whore mulls early release of pilots on the Internet, in light of the fact that we won't be seeing "Pushing Daisies" online before the premiere. ... TV Squad breaks down last night's "Damages." ... Televisionista offers up some "Private Practice" spoilers and even better pictures. ... Ausiello sez former "ER" doc Michael Michele will pay a visit to "House" in an episode involving the, gulp, CIA. ... Jerry Lewis sez he's sorry for making a "fag "joke on the MDA telethon. Tut, tut. Maybe time to retire, there, Jer. ... In a move sure to please the soon-to-strike writer's guild and screen actor's guild, HBO has bought the rights to a film shot entirely in Second Life. ... CBS continues to back "Kid Nation," thought there are more bumps in the road, especially lost advertising, according to AdAge.  ... Zac Efron denies a salary dispute over "High School Musical 3." ... Stereogum says The Shins are the latest to record a version of "Little Boxes" for the "Weeds" opening credits, and has a link to a stream. ...

2007 Emmy Predictions, Part 1: Comedy Acting

The 2007 Primetime Emmy Awards will be handed out Sept. 16 in Los Angeles, live on Fox, in a ceremony hosted by Ryan Seacrest. And it seems like now is a good time to get our predictions in the major categories on the record, before fall premieres clog our bandwidth next week. Four days, 10 categories, and absolutely nothing at stake except our honor: Write your own joke. Today, we consider the four comedy-acting categories.

Best Supporting Actor In A Comedy nominees: Kevin Dillon as Johnny Drama and Jeremy Piven as Ari Gold on HBO's "Entourage"; Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson on CBS' "How I Met Your Mother"; Rainn Wilson as Dwight Schrute on NBC's "The Office"; Jon Cryer as Alan Harper on CBS' "Two And A Half Men."

MeeVee's take: Dillon's nod is frankly a surprise. Piven won last year and could repeat, but "Entourage" has slipped a bit. "Two And A Half Men" is TV's highest-rated comedy and Emmy loves hits, but this should come down to a race between Harris as the sparkplug of "Mother" or Wilson's insane Dwight. If "The Office" rocks, it could be  Wilson. But something tells me this is Harris'  year.

"House" Outtakes Drop The F-Bomb

"House" is known for gallows humor and frank discussion of sexuality, but backstage, things get far, far dirtier. Here's a take of one scene with  a valley-girl accent and way, way too much bleeped-out swearing: 

Via ONTD, which also has some other bloopers and outtakes.

Ruper Murdoch's Reading Rainbow! (All Fox, All The Time)

Fox has named "American Idol" host geek Ryan Seacrest for the same task at the "Super Bowl" this season, which will be followed by an episode of "House." Seacrest will handle pre-game and halftime festivities; no word yet on a musical guest. But since Prince, U2, Sir Paul and the Stones have alr