TV with MeeVee

"Lost" Scorecard: The Six Get Home

First halves of two parters are always a little tricky. A lot of the action is tied up in setting up stuff that won't pay off for another week, and that's doubly true for a show like "Lost." Actually, with a show like "Lost" there's a lot of stuff that won't pay off until next season, if then. Still, the lack of consistency in "Lost" is one of the single most frustrating things about watching it. Sometimes it's really, really on, but other times it gets mired down in its large cast, the multi-layered timelines and the never-ending tease.

Not only is this week's episode tied up in moving people and plots into place for the big conclusion, but it also reminds me a little bit of "Noises Off" in the scene where everyone is running in and out of various doors, just missing each other over and over again. With people running from the boat to the beach to the helicopter to the jungle, it's a tangle of missed connections that's frustrating to watch.

BSG Scorecard: The Hybrid Speaks

Wow. After a slightly lackluster episode last week, "BSG" has bounced back in a serious way. This episode was quite the emotional rollercoaster, I'll admit it even had me a little teary-eyed at a couple of points. Speaking of which, can we get Mary McDonnell an Emmy please? Despite the fact that Roslin's cancer treatments are undeniably the B-plot in this episode, she brings a pathos to the process that's absolutely irresistable. The whole "dying of cancer" schtick is such a painfully tired cliché that it's a tightrope walk to keep it from tipping into melodrama or parody, but somehow, she manages.

I have to award points to my husband, who successfully identified Emily as a Star Trek cameo; the improbably named Nana Visitor of "Deep Space Nine." I thought the plot with Emily was, truthfully, a little heavy-handed, and it was pretty obvious where it was going from the start. Nonetheless, it'll be interesting to see if Roslin ends up a convert to Gaius' ego-fueled pseudo-Christianity. Wouldn't that blow his tiny mind.

"Lost" Scorecard: Destiny Is A Fickle Bitch

Okay, it took me about ten minutes to get my eyes uncrossed after that ending. That was a full-tilt boogie, "Lost" style. I think I'm looking forward to seeing the half-baked theories that the internet comes up with almost as much as I'm looking forward to seeing the next episode. Given what we've learned, and what's been hinted at, there are many billions of crackpot theories now available to the obsessive fans. Not that I would have any idea about that kind of thing.

Given what we know about his history, "destiny is a fickle bitch" seems like the perfect motto for Benjamin Linus. I'm surprised he doesn't have it tattooed across his butt. Ben is a man who knows about the winds of fate, and which way they blow, and they are most definitely, err, blowing Locke. Clearly Ben's not exactly excited about losing his slot as the golden boy, but then again he's also probably going to stop getting slapped around by lady luck quite so much. It's a mixed bag. Speaking of mixed bags, what's the score?

"Battlestar Galactica" Scorecard: Mutiny On The Bounty

It's nice to be reminded that while Saul and Tyrol are competing for who can go crazier, they're just wading in the kiddie pool while Starbuck is jumping off the Olympic high rise diving board straight down into 12 feet of the craziest crazy around.

We've finally gotten a chance to see what's been doing on the Demetrius, and it's more or less exactly what you'd expect; Starbuck is using feng shui to find her way to earth and it's making the crew just the tiniest bit antsy. None of this is helped by the arrival of Leoben, who is now somehow Starbuck's best pal. Even knowing that creators Eick and Moore have said that the show is, ultimately, about getting to Earth, and knowing that the craziest people on "BSG" tend to be the ones who are correct, it's still hard to believe that Kara isn't just on the most foolish of fool's errands.

Back aboard Galactica, Baltar sure seems to be getting comfortable with his role as messiah. Unsurprisingly he's gone from disbelief at the idea that people might worship him to spewing vaguely Christian-ish sounding religious dogma in a few short weeks. It probably has something to do with the fact that his worshipers are mostly hot chicks and secret Cylons (sometimes both). Apparently the Cylons are just wired to be monotheistic, since Tory seems half-way to buying his schtick and even Tyrol is starting to weaken under the schmaltzy assault of bland goodwill and hope. Oh Tyrol, couldn't you go back to hallucinating and screaming at people in bars?

"Lost" Scorecard: Jack And Kate, Sittin' In A Tree

Tonight's episode must have really tickled the fancies of the Jack/Kate shippers of the world, but for the rest of us it left a bit to be desired. There's some good action in there, and a hell of a classic "Lost" cliffhanger, but you have to wade through a bunch of Jack and Kate cracking up in flashbacks and the least tense surgery ever. After telegraphing Jack's illness so thoroughly, it's disappointing that they went with the most cliché illness ever, and it's hard to build up much concern about the health of a character who is verifiably alive several years later.

That aside, the added flavor that the Kahana crew brings to the mix makes for some interesting action. It's a curious revelation that Charlotte speaks Korean, but there's no way that's just an interesting coincidence. Perhaps now that the exigency of Jack's illness is passed, Bernard will be able to go back to focusing on just why Charlotte and Daniel are jerking them around. I, for one, would like to get to the bottom of the no good they are clearly up to. Now, let's see how this episode did on points.

"BSG" Scorecard: Putting The Fun In Funeral

I'd be hard pressed to say whether Saul or the Chief is cracking up more spectacularly at this point on "Battlestar Galactica." Tory seems to have jumped on board with the zeal of a convert - with bonus creepy S&M action - and god only knows what's going on with Anders but I'm betting he can't keep up with Saul or the Chief for sheer crazy good times. Even Baltar is starting to look comparatively balanced, and he's getting tossed around the room by a hallucinatory sex robot.

Yet another week goes by that we get nothing much more than an obligatory "by the way, Starbuck still exists and is still crazy" shot, although the preview for next week suggests that we will finally get some payoff on the big tease. Maybe that will give Anders a good chance to storm around, melodramatically talking about how he's nothing but a machine and having some wacky funtime hallucinations. For this week though, we'll just have to count points for 75% of our secret Cylon team.

"Lost" Scorecard: You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry

Benjamin Linus is rapidly moving from "pretty excellent villain" to "perhaps one of the best TV villains of all time." Make no mistake, he is a guy with whom you would not want to frak. It probably bodes well for no one that the events of this most recent episode have stripped Ben of one of the last remnants of his humanity, but as bad as it is for the survivors of Oceanic 815, it's pretty much awesome for us.

Our latest "Lost" episode is titled "The Shape Of Things To Come," and we definitely get a taste of what is coming up. Lots of dead bodies, lots of villainy and - of course - lots more questions. Along with new questions, we get a nice dose of an old favorite. Namely, what the hell is up with the smoke monster? Yes, old smoky is back again, and he is not in a good mood. So, what's the score?

***WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD***

"Torchwood": And On Towards The End

Torchwood
Title: "Exit Wounds"
First Aired (US): 4/19/08

So another season of "Torchwood" comes to a close, not with a bang but with a whole series of bangs and a lot of whimpering. "Torchwood" season 2 was an improvement on season 1, and the finale was no exception. There was nary a rampaging demon in sight; havoc was wreaked, chests were pounded and mayhem ensued, but at least it was 100% rampaging-demon-free.

James Marsters was back to deliver his particular brand of swaggering insanity as Captain John Hart, Jack's obsessive stalker, but his story ended up being more interesting than just another jilted Jack-fan. After leading the team a merry chase, blowing up huge chunks of Cardiff and stealing Jack away to 27 AD, he reveals that he's merely a pawn in a time-traveling game of chess, sent to mess with Jack by someone who wants very, very badly to hurt our hero.

"BSG" Scorecard: In Space, No One Can Hear You Flip Out

A difficulty in juggling a big ensemble cast and multiple plotlines as "Battlestar Galactica" does is that, some of the time, a few will fall short. With the Cylon civil war getting into full swing, and the hidden Cylons clinging desperately to survival while trying to figure out what they're supposed to do and be, it's hard to care  very much about Adama vs. Roslin vs. Adama. This is surprising because Pappy Adama and Roslin are arguably two of the most interesting characters in the show, but at the moment I just can't get worked up about their political bickering. Let's be generous and say that's because the other stories are way too cool.

We only get a snippet of what's up with Starbuck and the crew of the Demetrius, who have apparently been on the road for a few weeks. It's not very interesting, but it's also not really long enough to do anything but remind us that Starbuck is crazy (but still hot) and show the crew chafing under her nutty, nutty command. Still, it feels superfluous, which is a shame because the main plot threads are so jaw-droppingly awesome. But this is a numbers game! Let's see how it stacks up.

Torchwood: Back To The Beginning

Torchwood
Title: "Fragments"
First Aired (US): 4/12/08

I'd like to say something better about this episode than to call it necessary, but unfortunately that's about the best I can do. "Fragments" is a classic plotline, it's the "how did we get here" episode where we follow the characters down the murky path that led them into the grips of Torchwood. This gives us some interesting backstory, but I have to admit it feels a little perfunctory here. It's like they needed to occupy the hour from the first thing that happens to the big finish that sets up for the season finale next week, and so they figured they'd give us a flashback. On a sitcom, this episode was in real danger of just being a clip show.

BSG Scorecard: Drink, Scream, Rinse, Repeat

Oh Starbuck, nobody has a freakout like you do. Oh sure, Gaius might be hallucinating a slicker, greasier version of himself and Roslin may be quietly self-destructing, but nobody has an old-fashioned, laying on the floor, screaming at the top of your lungs freakout like Kara Thrace.

After the wind-up in the first episode, here comes the pitch. Everyone's nerves are turned up to 11 and the situation is changing too fast to have any chance of finding a balance point. Of course, since it's BSG, it's only going to get spectacularly, horribly worse. My biggest problem with this show is it's just so unrelentingly cheerful and twee, it's like watching an episode of the "Care Bears" for Crissake. Let's see how we did on points, shall we?

"Torchwood": Gone But Not Forgotten

Torchwood
Title: "Adrift"
First Aired (US): 4/05/08

As a fan of "Torchwood," I'm enamored of the show's tendency to keep changing things up; from a critical standpoint it's like shooting at a moving target. Most of the time "Torchwood" is a frothy parfait of faintly silly scifi, melodrama and hot bisexuals, but then it delivers an episode like "Adrift," a sober, thoughtful exploration of hope, heroism and loss. It's not that it's bad, it's just a little perplexing. If I didn't recognize the characters I'd think I was watching a different show. This week's episode isn't the guilty pleasure that "Torchwood" fans have come to know and love, but it's one of the best, probably the best when it comes to standalone episodes that aren't really focused on the larger arc.

BSG Scorecard: Paranoia Will Destroy Ya

Welcome back, "Battlestar Galactica," you've been missed. Never has the "previously on" been more necessary - it seemed like season 3 ended somewhere back in the Reagan presidency. Were it not for the miracle of the DVD I'd be forced to resort to Wikipedia to remember the names of all the characters. With all that waiting, does BSG live up to all our expectations?

In a word, yes. Even though we spend a good chunk of the episode playing through the fairly expected consequences of the big cliffhanger from last season, it remains interesting and tense, and in true BSG style the last few minutes leave you staring at the screen like some kind of slack-jawed yokel. Having pioneered the Extremely Scientific Scorecard(tm) for "Lost," I will use it to measure the approximate awesome-osity of "Battlestar Galactica." How do things stack up?

A Sneak Peak At The Battlestar Galactica Premiere

In preparation for the triumphant return of "Battlestar Galactica," the fine folks at the SciFi channel have sent us over the first episode of the new season to preview. The episode came wrapped in a brown paper parcel, which seemed appropriate given how excited I was about a chance to preview it. It also came with dire warnings about ninjas clad in NBC logo masks who would come to my house and silence me permanently were I to so much as breathe a hint of what happens in the fourth act.

However! If you, like me, cannot resist sneaking a glimpse at what lies ahead, there is more on the premiere after the jump. Be assured, within the bounds of what NBC will allow us, it is extremely spoilery.

Torchwood: "Send In The Clowns"

Torchwood
Title: "From Out Of The Rain"
First Aired (US): 3/29/08

An old standard of sci-fi action shows is the "monster of the week" plot. Some shows - "The X-Files" springs to mind - are at their best when focused on the good old "see the monster, research the monster, kill the monster" plots, and some - anything by Joss Whedon, for example - are at their best when embroiled in the drama of the characters and ongoing season or series plots. "Torchwood" is undeniably a guilty pleasure, and it's at its guiltiest and most pleasurable when the characters are doing what they do best, shagging and fighting with each other. As a result, the quotidian spot-catch-kill episodes leave a little bit to be desired.

"Miss Guided" Grade: C-

ABC's new sitcom "Miss Guided" is one of a number of shows from the network lately that sound promising but...somehow...miss the mark. Think of "Eli Stone," "Men In Trees," "Big Shots," even "Dirty Sexy Money." (C'mon, I know you want to like it, but really, is it that good?) Nonetheless, in this strange March mid-season, with the writers strike and NCAA basketball both messing up normal viewing habits, I seem to have watched four episodes of "Miss Guided" in the last 10 days or so. Go figure.

Judy Greer stars as high-school guidance counselor Becky Freeley, a "nice" girl who's starting to realize that it's good to be a little bit bad from time to time. That may have to do with the fact that she's closing in on 30 and still single. Cheery and perky, her darker thoughts usually voiced in asides, she could be a winning character, but the show is kooky in mostly predictable ways.

"Jericho": Don't Mess With Texas

Jericho
Title: Patriots and Tyrants
First Aired: 3/25/08

Thus ends the strange career of "Jericho," not with a bang, but a civil war. The show defied cancellation once, but lightning failed to strike a second time and the trial-run second season will be its last. It's gone off to that big TV set in the sky, to live on in our DVDs forever. Presumably on the DVD: the other season finale that was filmed, which left the story open for continuation. Which is different from this episode... which left the story open for continuation.

"Torchwood": There Goes The Bride

Torchwood
Title: "Something Borrowed"
First Aired (US): 3/22/08

There's an inherent problem with an episode that centers around a character acting like a completely irrational idiot. It's frustrating for fans, and if the character isn't typically a complete moron, it's jarring. You can see exactly how it came together, Gwen is getting married to Rhys and the thing that the writers wanted (indeed, the thing that many fans wanted) is to see Jack running in right when the pastor asks if anyone knows a reason why they can't be married. In order to get the characters to that point, however, Gwen has to be the biggest moron in the history of mankind. It's all romantic and melodramatic, but the amount of plot jury-rigging required really isn't worth it.

"Lost" Scorecard: You Don't Die Till We Say You Die

Often, when watching an episode of "Lost" that centers around a character I don't like (cough Kate cough cough Jack), I find my patience for the storyline significantly reduced. Conversely I'm more inclined to be favorable about a weak Sayid, Sun or (sniff) Charlie episode. Every fan of a show is like this, and I try to take it into account when I write my reviews. So it's saying something that the fact that this week's episode is all about the morally flexible and whiny Michael didn't put a damper on my interest.

Having finally gotten the painfully obvious reveal of Michael out of the way, we're free to find out what the heck he's been doing since he sailed off into the sunset lo these many episodes ago. It's a sign that I've gotten too accustomed to "Lost"-style storytelling that I was finding the flashback sort of disorienting. Michael's flashback is bracketed by him telling Sayid his story, and follows a more or less linear path from beginning to end. In other words, it's like a perfectly normal flashback on any other show. Weird, right? Enough of that, let's talk score.

"Jericho": It Gets Real Up In This Piece

Jericho
Title: Sedition
First Aired: 3/18/08

With the penultimate episode of "Jericho," the scramble to wrap up storylines is beginning in a serious way. It seems unlikely, given the numbers, that the citizens of Jericho will be returning to the small screen in the fall, which gives the writers just one more episode to give us a satisfying ending. It's unlikely that the hardcore fans will be satisfied with any resolution that means the show ends, and it's unlikely casual watchers will be very impressed by a sudden, desperate wrap-up, so things don't look so promising for next week's episode. This week's episode isn't bad, though it has the feeling of the pieces being positioned on the chess board in readiness for the big finale.

"Torchwood": Life Stinks

Torchwood
Title: "A Day In The Death"
First Aired (US): 3/15/08

Boy, Owen just keeps inching closer to being some kind of demented Batman villain. He could be called The Corpse, and his minions could be midgets with scythes and shovels. Just one wrong push, and he could be cackling in his lair and planning ways to turn all of Gotham into a zombie paradise.

This week's episode has a certain odd similarity to "Random Shoes," the other major episode narrated by a dead guy in the "Torchwood" oeuvre. Fortunately, it does not end with a beam of pure love, though it is a bit fluffy. The situation with Owen seems to beg for resolution, but it seems unlikely that any is in the offing. He's not getting any deader, but he's not getting any more alive either.

It's not hard to empathize with Owen, of course, Jack may whine a lot but in many ways, being immortal is a pretty sweet deal. Being dead and simply not lying down, on the other hand, is pretty awful. Owen can't drink, eat, sleep, feel pain or pleasure - can't do much other than persist. His body is still vulnerable to damage though, so eventually he's going to be duct-taping himself back together like The Crow.

"Lost" Scorecard: All's Well That Ends Tragically

After all the mega-intensity of the last few episodes, "Ji Yeon" seems remarkably sedate. Not that sedate is necessarily a bad thing; the slow, almost dreamy crawl to the big gotcha at the end is remarkably emotionally effective. The plucking of the heart-strings usually takes a back seat to the big spooky mysteries, but this week the big spooky mysteries are sort of a yawner and the melodrama gets you right on the edge of your seat.

Remember how last week we were feeling all sad for Juliet? Boy, I am seriously over that. It's easy to forget that Juliet spent a whole bunch of time with Ben, learning how to be sinister and manipulative, but she sure busted out the "otherness" this week. See if we say nice things about her dead boyfriend now! But enough about Ms. No-Fun-Bad-Times-Burke, let's get on to the score.

"Jericho": The Uppance Finally Comes

Jericho
Title: Temination For Cause
First Aired: 3/11/08

Ah, to live in Jericho, where the good are easily recognized by their broad-shouldered blondness and deaf little sisters, and the evil equally readily defined by their black uniforms, smirking wickedness and sinister-sounding names. Alright, it's not as simple as all that, but really, could Ravenswood be more cartoonishly evil if they tied various pretty girls to railroad tracks? Could Goetz be any more one-dimensionally villainous and avaricious? At least it makes it easy and uncomplicated to root for the good guys. You have to appreciate the simplicity of it.

"Torchwood": Death Takes A Holiday

Torchwood
Title: "Dead Man Walking"
First Aired (US): 3/08/08

There's no doubt about it, "Torchwood" has hit its stride. After delivering a nice, high-tension entry last week, they give us a follow-up that's nothing like a letdown. The story is intense, the characters manage to keep their freak-outs to a fairly reasonable level (and when they do freak, it's with good reason), and there's some very genuine creepy delivered. Aside from a slightly unfortunate bit of unintentional comedy with an animated glove (too much like Addams Family, sorry) the episode is serious as a heart attack. It would be easy to credit the upswing in quality to the addition of Freema Agyeman to the cast, but so far she's largely taking a back seat. She's definitely a welcome addition, but this story is absolutely about Owen, Jack, Tosh and Gwen. Seriously BBC, you can't be thinking of getting rid of those characters.

"Lost" Scorecard: You Belong To Me

Between last week's episode and this one, I think I'd be hard-pressed to decide whether Desmond or Juliet has gotten the shaft worse on the island. A little more Juliet backstory (yes, backstory, we're back to flashbacks and not flashforwards), and it's hard not to feel for her, even if she does have the bad taste to be mooning over Jack. Along with pity-inducing Juliet action, we get another big part of the puzzle, more interpersonal drama and one very incredulous Sawyer. All the ingredients required for another fine, solid episode.

It's hard for any episode to follow up "The Constant," easily one of the strongest episodes of the series, but even in comparison this week is pretty good. I recently re-watched the lackluster season 2 on DVD, and season 4 seems more and more like a payoff for all that waiting; finally loyal "Lost" fans are validated. Now, on to the points!

"New Amsterdam" Premieres Amidst Centuries Of Cop-Show Cliche

There's been a distinct lack of buzz for Fox's new supernatural detective show "New Amsterdam," so I didn't go in expecting much. It's also a concept that's been more or less done before, a few times, but I'm willing to allow that there are new things that could be done with the immortal guy in a nice trenchcoat. Unfortunately, "New Amsterdam" does exactly none of them. Aside from a rather charming throwaway about our hero taking a photograph of Times Square every year, I didn't see a scene or hear a line of dialogue that I haven't more or less heard before.

In classic cop cliché, we meet John Amsterdam as he's being hooked up with his new partner, Eva. She's a tough lady cop who didn't want this assignment, but is bound and determined not to get pushed away or killed as all Amsterdam's partners seem to. Amsterdam wants to get rid of her, but he's more interested in solving the murder of a young woman who he identifies as not a prostitute by her expensive perfume. It is at roughly this point that the friend who I roped into watching this premiere with me starts giving me pointed looks. Her righteous indignation is understandable, I made her watch the "Painkiller Jane" premiere with me too.

"Jericho": Contronyms And Contraband

Jericho
Title: Oversight
First Aired: 3/04/08

I've said before that "Jericho" has a problem when it can't decide what kind of show it is. This week it sets its sights directly on being a military thriller, which is the show it does best, and manages to leave you wanting more. The story is heating up, and the focus pays off for viewers. The future of "Jericho" may not be the brightest, but at least it will give the fans something worthwhile to go out on.

Mimi, who is what my grandfather would call "too smart for her own damn good," has been doing her work for J&R and in the process discovered that 10,000 dollars worth of the newly minted ASA's currency has gone missing. Trish at J&R is more than ready to help get to the bottom of this, but in a turn that surprises no one, Goetz is acting like he's got something to hide. Shocker.

"Torchwood": The Only Good Bug Is A Dead Bug

Torchwood
Title: "Reset"
First Aired (US): 3/01/08

"Torchwood" may be a show with some spotty performance, but when it delivers, it delivers. This week's episode is tight, taut and full of drama, easily the best of the season and certainly one of the best of the series as a whole. It also marks the first appearance of Freema Agyeman as the fabulously sexy and brilliant Martha Jones, former "Doctor Who" companion and UNIT doc. We already know that Freema will be a regular member of the cast, and she's a welcome addition. It seems The Doctor's loss is Jack's gain.

"Lost" Scorecard: Desmond Hume Is Unstuck In Time

If anyone gets kicked around by fate, metaphysics and whatever else on this island, it's Desmond Hume. The guy spent ages pushing the stupid button only to have it blown up by Locke, nearly drove himself crazy trying to save Charlie only to have the hobbit kick the bucket, and fought like hell to get off the island only to be driven totally bitchcakes on the way to the boat.

On this week's "Lost," along with more kicks in the teeth for Desmond we're treated to a fat dose of sweet, sweet answers. Well, sort of. Well actually not really at all, but we did learn something really interesting and that seems as good as answers. Okay, it was something we had kind of suspected for a while but... look, it was cool. Maybe, like a mistreated dog, "Lost" fans are just excited to be thrown a scrap or two, but it's hard not to get excited when big things are happening, even if the big things aren't answering any questions or solving any riddles. But enough about that, what was the score?

"Jericho": Beware Of Captain Trips

Jericho
Title: Jennings & Rall
First Aired: 2/26/08

It's business as usual for the folks in Jericho, everything is going to hell but at least they've got this nice handbasket. Since it's not such a big deal having to contend with J&R, Ravenwood, hiding a nuclear bomb and the creepy propaganda coming out of Cheyenne, it's time to up the ante with a nice biblical plague. And that's not the half of it. I bet Canada is looking pretty nice right about now.

"Torchwood": Thanks For The Memories

Torchwood
Title: "Adam"
First Aired (US): 2/23/08

The "mysterious being who inserts themselves into your memories" has been done quite a few times in scifi, so one can hardly call this a novel approach for "Torchwood," but it is nicely done. As always, the episode eventually slides a little too far into the land of melodrama, but until it does the newly arrived Adam is effectively creepy and insidious.

Of course, the magical new member of the Torchwood team who was really there all along hasn't been content to simply insert himself into their memories, he's also fiddled around a bit with who they are. Tosh is looking sexy and put together, and Owen has turned into a neo maxi zoom dweebie. Oh, and Gwen has forgotten that Rhys exists. Whoops.

"Lost" Scorecard: Baby Mine

Let this be a lesson to you, "Lost" fans, do not have a couple of glasses of wine before you watch an episode. This was my mistake, and it's more than a little embarrassing to realize that you've been arguing belligerently with your television for most of an hour. At least this wasn't one of the more perplexing, clue-dropping episodes or I'd probably still be staring slack-jawed.

As it was, this week's episode managed to pack more than a few surprises into the time alloted. You can't help but appreciate the show's Twilight Zone-esque habit of slowly warming you up and then drop kicking you through the end zone in the last minute. Of course, most of the big news happened in the flash-forward (Kate again, the two remaining "Oceanic 6" are still a mystery), though we did get a few choice tidbits on the island. The new flash-forward method of storytelling means that the off-island story is becoming the most interesting element, which is nice for those of us who dragged our way through Jack's totally interminable backstory.

But enough about that, on to the score.

"Jericho": Condor Is Coming To Town

Jericho
Title: Condor
First Aired: 2/19/08

One of the problems with "Jericho" is that it can't decide which of four different shows it might be; it might be scifi, it might be military thriller, it might be political commentary, it might be a human drama. This could result in something that appealed across genre lines, but the problem is that it doesn't do any of them very well. The military thriller seems to be the most interesting, but it's hard to tell with all that stuff in the way.

"Lost" Scorecard: You Always Hurt The One You Love

I'll admit it, a part of me was hoping for a very special Valentine's Day episode of "Lost." Locke could have given Ben a Valentine that said "I choo-choo-choose you" with a picture of a train, and we all could have learned a valuable lesson about sharing. Of course, this is "Lost," so the only romance ends with a bullet and the lesson we learn is that you should trust no one, even the super-nice, trustworthy people.

I hope you won't miss these reports too much, but I'm afraid I'm going to be spending the rest of my life in a hermetically sealed bunker, crouched in a corner with a knife. It's the only way to be sure.

We got #4 of the Oceanic 6 tonight, as well as another dumptruck full of mysterious mysteries of a mystifying nature. Watching "Lost" is like dating someone hot but annoying: You're willing to go along for the ride, but only if you know they'll eventually put out. J.J. Abrams keeps on promising us he'll put out, but this episode was just one long tease.

"Jericho" Back In The Saddle Again

Jericho
Title: Reconstruction
First Aired: 2/12/08

I'll admit it, I'm part of the reason that "Jericho" got canceled. Well, not me personally, but I'm one of the many sci fi fans who has yet to be grabbed by the plucky little city that could. I've seen a few episodes, but after a couple of tries it ended up gathering dust in my tivo while other people raved about it being one of the best shows on television. After the historic fan uprising in the face of the show's cancellation, I resolved to give the show a more serious shot. This week marked the big comeback for "Jericho," which is tragically overshadowed by the long-awaited writer's strike resolution. What do you think, sports fans, did the season premiere live up to your expectations?

There was some scant effort to bring new viewers up to date on what's going on, but mostly we were just thrown into the deep end. Jericho's war with New Bern may be over in theory, but in practice it's not so simple. The Army is firmly in control, headed by Major Beck who is absolutely determined to make peace. He does eventually acknowledge to Jake that he thinks New Bern was primarily at fault, but responsibility seems to count less to Beck than getting everyone to settle down. Beck has a lot of big promises about establishing peace, but his main way of doing that seems to be glaring and telling Jake that he needs to be the sheriff round these here parts.

Torchwood: "The Iceman Cometh"

Torchwood
Title: "To The Last Man"
First Aired (US): 2/09/08

I can only assume that somewhere in the "Torchwood" writing room is a roulette wheel that they use to decide who's going to have the next tragic romance. This week it comes up Tosh, which is nice for her, since she hasn't gotten much action other than that evil sex alien back in Season 1. I assume the same kind of device is employed to decide what kind of time-travel screw-up is coming up next, and what dubious bit of scifi-tech will be used to defeat it. Not that I demand a great deal of realism in my scifi, but seriously, a big brass rift key that magically makes the bad stuff go away seems a little bit excessive.

Lost Scorecard: It's Raining Men (And A Woman)

I can usually tell how good any given episode of "Lost" is by counting the number of times the letters "WTF" appear in my notes. Tonight's episode clocks in at an impressive 6.0 on the WTF scale, enough to rock the house for sure. It's clear, two episodes into the season, that setting a specific end date has untied J.J. Abrams' hands; the revelations are flying fast and furious, and there's no doubt that things are changing in a serious way. This is nice payoff for those of us who twiddled our fingers through interminable plots and aggravating new characters (ah, Anna Lucia, you're not missed) in season two, wondering if it was ever going to get to a point. Let's see what we won this week.

Torchwood: The Manchurian Alien

Torchwood
Title: "Sleeper"
First Aired (US): 2/02/08

Oh "Torchwood," you never fail to deliver on that unique combination of melodrama and nonsense. If it weren't for infectious enthusiasm, we'd probably all be staring blankly at the screen at the end of each episode, wondering what just happened. This week's "Torchwood" brings us another heaping dose of screaming and emotional upset, offset by wacky comedy hijinks.

"Lost" Scorecard: The Fans Hit The S***

As has been noted all over the internet, "Lost" has now reached a level of complexity so Byzantine that it requires pop-up video to keep you in the loop about what is going on. At least it's proof positive that American TV audiences don't require everything spoon fed to them in painfully clear detail (unless it's in the form of pop-up videos). In deference to the magical stylings of J.J. Abrams and co, I have decided to start keeping score. Let's see how many points the season 4 opener managed to rack up.

Torchwood: "You Can't Always Shag Who You Want"

Torchwood
Title: "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang"
First Aired (US): 12/26/07

The second season opener delivers exactly what the fans love and the critics hate about "Torchwood." There's the usual perfect mix of weird humor, patently ridiculous sci-fi, and 10 pounds of romance stuffed into a five pound bag. Plus James Marsters for a little bonus hotness.

The episode opens - and this is the kind of sentence that could only ever be uttered about Torchwood - with a gag about the team on the trail of a strangely poetic blowfish in a natty suit. Of course, Jack shows up just in time to plug Nemo through the head, and the gang heads back to the office. There's the predictable angry muttering, especially from Gwen, who has been in charge in Jack's absence, but it's interrupted by a call to come check out a body.

That body was helpfully provided by the ridiculously sexy Captain John Hart (Marsters), who threw a guy off a roof after catching him mugging someone. As Torchwood is trying to figure out just what's up, Jack's weird wrist dealie beeps and displays an image of John summoning Jack to meet up with him and making a terrible - but funny - Star Wars joke. Jack, with the team close on his trail, heads to a bar that John has cleared out, and then comes the much celebrated "OMG Jack and Spike iz totes making out!!!11!!"

"Breaking Bad" Is Dark, Hilarious...Did I Mention Dark?

I've watched three episodes of AMC's "Breaking Bad" now, and I'm still not sure if it's a very dark comedy or what. As previously noted, it has cancer, crystal meth and tighty whities, along with a terrific performance from Bryan Cranston, so it's highly entertaining.

For those who stick around past the pilot - which airs Sunday night at 10 on AMC - it also has the grossest scene I've ever seen in any crime drama, OMG. So, um, SPOILERS AHEAD. You've been warned.

Ultimately the show is about the midlife crisis of Albuquerque, N.M., high school chemistry teacher Walter White, played by Cranston, best known as the over-the-top dad on "Malcolm in the Middle." Here, at least to begin with, Cranston is playing all the way at the other end of the scale. Poor Walt is a buttoned-down nebbish, a self-effacing doormat, mocked by the students in his classes and emasculated by the constant "helpful" suggestions of his pregnant wife. He loves her anyway, as he does his handicapped son.

In fact Walt loves his family so much that he works a second job at a car wash to make ends meet. His boss there treats him like dirt, too. Poor Walt ends up wiping down the Corvette belonging to one of his obnoxious students, whose girlfriend laughs and takes a cellphone pic. Welcome to America 2007.

So Walt is a powder keg even before he goes to the doctor and finds out that his nagging cough is in fact inoperable lung cancer. He might have a few months, he might have a year or two, hard to say. In any case, he can't bring himself to share this news with his wife and son.

It's about this time that Walt goes on a ridealong with his brother-in-law, a DEA agent, and watches a raid on a crystal meth lab. There Walt sees two things that interest him - a shitload of easy cash confiscated by the DEA, and the escape of the actual meth cook, who turns out to be a former student. Can you see where this is going?

Lost: The Marketing Of Flight 815

TV Squad has a cute piece on the latest viral marketing from the folks at "Lost", including a photograph of one of the billboards erected for Oceanic Airlines. Along with the photo, there's the new FlyOceanic.com site, a faux marketing site for Oceanic that's been hacked by a character named Sam. The hacked video leads to Find815.com, Sam's own website about his efforts to find the lost airplane.

Apparently, hacked websites are all the rage in viral marketing, since it's just what "Heroes" did over at the Corinthian Casino website. Not that we're calling J.J. Abrams a copycat, if anyone has cornered the market on weird, grainy first person videos, it's him.

"Pushing Daisies" -- A Bonobo Named Bobo

"Pushing Daisies"
Corpsicle
First Aired: 12/12/07

As the writer's strike claims victim after victim, there are precious few new episodes of our favorite shows left. This week's episode was the last "Pushing Daisies" for the near future, and cruelly, we're left with one of the biggest revelations so far, a big fat cliffhanger to leave us wanting more. At least we can console ourselves with the fact that Ned and Chuck come to a peaceful resolution about Ned's accidental killing of Chuck's dad, but then it was no surprise that our quirky little lovebirds couldn't stay apart for long.

Is "Fashionably Late With Stacy London" Any Good?

"Fashionably Late With Stacy London" airs on Friday nights, which is the usual slot for anything the networks don't really like much, and for entertainment aimed at people with no social lives. I'm not sure which category this is, but it's better than most of the other Friday evening competition.

No, it's not great, but it's not abysmal either. Stacy doesn't have the personality (or the writers) to pull off an entire hour of hanging out and giving stuff away to audience members. It does seem like it would be fun to be on the show (you can sign up here) because they have a bunch of giveaways and a show bartender who makes a special cocktail for each episode.

Ultimately, it comes back to Stacy's personality and her writers. Her jokes fall flat, her posture is slumping, her gestures seem strained. I know it's not easy to host a talk show, but success means making it look easy, and Stacy doesn't do that.

Still, she's got funny segments that make her show worth staring at if you're home alone on Fridays. For example, it was pure genius to get the American Mustache Institute up on stage to do mustache makeovers and rehabilitate the reputation of mustached Americans:

"Tin Man" Brings A Dose Of SciFi To The Wizard

I probably went in to "Tin Man" with unreasonably high expectations. The cast includes Zooey Deschanel and Alan Cumming among a host of other interesting actors, the early teasers and commercials were compelling, and SciFi's last major mini-series effort, "The Lost Room," proved to be surprisingly good and interesting television. As a result of all this, it was easy to expect a great deal from SciFi's latest effort, and it's not all bad, but it's not all good either, ratings records aside.

"Heroes" -- Victims and Villains

Heroes
Title: “Powerless”
First Aired: 12/03/07

The best thing that can be said for the end of "Heroes" Volume Two is that the last five minutes are so good that they very nearly make up for the fifty-five before them (forty, when you discount commercials). The show ends on a startling, emotionally-charged note, catapulting us into the next story with a whole new batch of questions. Unfortunately, it's hard to forget the leaden, nonsensical lead-in. The second season of "Heroes" suffered from a host of issues, many of which have been acknowledged by the show's creator. The two romance plots never really came together, the Japan plot dragged o