|
|||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
|
|||||||||
Rocker Dave, Cute Dave, Dreadlocks Dude and Syesha. Who will weep and sing and go home? Who will live to sing another day? "American Idol" rocks. In the television sense.
"Audition: Barbara Walters Journey" finds the aging anchorwoman and celebrity chronicler peddling her new memoir in an hourlong special hosted by Charlie Gibson. ABC, don't ever change.
Tonight on Bravo's "Top Chef": "Wedding Wars." Some bride is going to be very, very sorry.
Let's talk about elimination. The word always makes me think of poop, especially when it's used in the context of food, as it is on "Top Chef." It seems like the "elimination challenge" would be to create a dish that's so high in fiber it creates a perfect bowel movement for the judges. That's got to be really difficult - just looking at the bloated, sweaty face of Tom Colicchio, you know he's severely backed up. Of course, on "Top Model," the judges look like they don't ever drop a deuce without it being some kind of weight-loss program involving "dieters tea," laxative abuse or a noseful of good old-fashioned Uptown Girl.
Right. Anyway. Kiwi Mark got axed on "Top Chef" because his curry was too sweet and didn't have any protein in it. He's pretty pissed off about it. And on "ANTM" they sent ol' Katarzyna packing, despite Whitney acting all fake and despite all the "OMG she's a fat whore" noises from the jealous bitches at ONTD. The CW hasn't released pix for last night's episode yet, but you can be sure they consist of a bunch of girls pretending to be hot.
Tonight on "Top Chef," half the chefs are gone, and the house is getting kinda empty Oprah's personal chef will be the guest judge. Also, according to Eater, the quickfire will take place in only fifteen minutes, and will involve instant rice, a lemon, and a microwave.
"I'm Doing it for Zoi. I'm here to win. I'm going to win for Zoi." Oops, guess not.
Fauxhawked Jen Biesty got sent home from "Top Chef" last night, just one week after her girlfriend. Why? Well, she served squishy bread, soggy asparagus, and too much damn cheese in the improv challenge.
She's not happy about it at all, and her exit interview on BravoTV.com makes that clear in a polite but firm manner. I kind of agree: While her dish wasn't that great, she at least followed the rules of the challenge, while the other team at risk didn't even use the required ingredient. Oh well. At least we've got one fewer ridiculous haircut in the group.
Chef Tom Colicciho might be something of a bear icon, but not nearly as much as the guests on last night's "Top Chef." More than the pizza episode, I think, this was the perfect Chicago challenge. They started with beers, and moved on to tailgating with Bears - notably William "Refrigerator" Perry, the former Chicago Bears player remembered for his enormous size (six foot two, 382 pounds) and enormous personality.
The quickfire challenge: Pick a beer and make a dish to go with it. Jen, heartbroken from losing Zoi last week, kicked some ass on that one. Savory beignets are not something I'd have imagined, but now I want them. Badly.
The main challenge was cooking a tailgate meal for judges, football fans, and assorted former players. Dale makes ribs, which is an obvious winner right there, especially once you hear The Fridge say "I like the riiiiiibs." It sounded like he wanted to eat all the ribs available, then grab Dale in one enormous hand, dip him in any remaining sauce, and devour him whole.
Ryan says he doesn't like sports, and it's obvious that he doesn't get the point of tailgating, because his dish just isn't easy to eat. Also it doesn't even sound that good. He gets booted without too much debate, although New Zealand Mark's station was so messy that Tom Colicchio was tempted to boot him just for being "unsanitary," and Nikki lost points for not bothering to make her own sausage.
The only thing that really surprised me about the episode was Dale's prize for winning: A commemorative Bears jersey and a deluxe Weber grill. Last week's winner got a culinary tour of Italy, and this week's winner just gets a grill? Lame. How about adding an endorsement deal, or maybe installing a deluxe commercial grill when Dale opens his own restaurant?
It's odd that "Top Chef" is getting singled out for profanity, because it's a later-evening cable show that could probably get away with uncensored swearing, while "Hell's Kitchen" is earlier and broadcast and has far more anger in its dirty words. Still, as the Times says, "Bravo’s censors leave much of the offending syllables intact. Words are not exactly bleeped out; they’re bleeped at. Instead of a fig leaf, the network holds up a sprig of parsley."
The Boston Globe has a funny story this morning analyzing what might be key moments for contestants on shows like "American Idol" and "Dancing With The Stars" - when they react to the judges' comments. Snap back and you could end up looking like a bitchy diva who ought to be voted off. Hello, Danny Noriega! Or rather, goodbye, Dan-o! But sniffle and confess all your failings and cheerfully accept Simon's abuse and you could end up looking like, well, Brooke White. The story has put me back to thinking that maybe "sheepish talent" David Archuleta (right) will pull it out over rocker David Cook after all - Cook's slightly odd approach to the judges might not go over as well with 12-year-old girls "Idol" voters as well as Archuleta's wide-eyed, grinning, You mean I really am good? look. Although seeing it week after week it's getting a little hard to credit the kid's sincerity.
This past weekend, "Saturday Night Live" and guest Christopher Walken made fun of "Top Chef." Tonight, I'll be doing the same thing in blog format. Only I won't have Christopher Walken or someone who's supposed to look like a deeply stoned Padma Lakshmi. It's just me and my ego against the vast wasteland.
And I'm going to be funnier.
s n l - t o p c h e f from seriouseats on Vimeo.
Tonight on "Top Chef:" Rick Bayless is the guest judge,
which means we're talking high-end Mexican. The quickfire begins immediately: Make a taco. A fancy taco.
Winner: Richard uses thinly sliced jicama instead of a tortilla for the shell. He gets immunity, and his dish gets onto the menu at Bayless' Topolobampo restaurant.
Runners-up: Duck taco by angry d-bag Andrew. During judgement he's quivering like a tweaker but Bayless loves it. Spike (right, in the silly hat) refuses to upscale the taco, and makes something delicious that loses only because he just hasn't followed the damn directions. I don't care how clever you are, you have to follow directions if you want to win. I learned that in first grade. When will these people learn it?
Next, the big challenge: Divide into two teams, hop into your product-placement-mobiles, and ... well, let's find out.
Continue reading ""Top Chef:" Block Party, Stone-Soup Style" »
Last night's quickfire challenge was to go to the farmer's market, pick five (and only five) ingredients, and make a meal out of them. This actually sounds like my everyday cooking experience, only my budget is a little lower than $25.00. And I only get one ingredient. And the ingredient is a can of beans. And I don't get to have Wylie Dufresne as a guest, looking carefully at everything I prepare. Mostly I'm just hunched over a laptop trying to keep my meal from clogging my keyboard.
The chefs are allowed to use a couple things that don't count as ingredients, though: salt, pepper, sugar, and oil. Butter doesn't count as oil, and neither does vinegar. Andrew can't remember that vinegar is not oil, and winds up using six ingredients. Oops. Back to kindergarten for you! Mark wins the challenge and gains immunity in the main challenge.
The main challenge is to cater a meal for 200 people at the Chicago Zoo. (Sponsorship ho!)
Continue reading ""Top Chef" Counts To Five, Then Goes To The Zoo" »
Despite the insistence of people like The Hater, who claim that personality is everything on reality shows, I'm pretty sure that "Top Chef" isn't fixed. Oh, I'm sure the producers get into all kinds of mess with sponsors, but they know better than to tweak the results too obviously. They know people won't watch a fixed show (wrestling and "Iron Chef" notwithstanding) so as much as they'd like to keep popular characters on the show, they have a much greater incentive to keep it relatively fair.
Case in point: Tonight's episode of "Top Chef." I was really disappointed to see Nimma, at right, go home. It was really in Bravo's interest to keep a black, conservative, Muslim woman on the show. Her mere presence brought up all kinds of questions as I watched her intro video: Would there be some kind of drama over alcohol or pork? Isn't a professional kitchen full of all kinds of sin and swearing that her parents would disapprove of? Well, we're not going to find out. Despite being fascinating as a person and a sure recipe for both excitement and the inter-cultural lessons that Bravo viewers love, she was sent packing.
On the plus side, that decision does at least suggest the competition is (relatively) fair. Nimma made elementary mistakes in both of tonight's dishes, forgetting the salt in one and oversalting the second. Her shrimp was the only dish the judges actively hated. While I'm sure it was just nerves, and that she could have been given a pass without attracting any kind of viewer anger, I think they made the right decision.
But I still want to know more about Nimma. At least Bravo has an exit interview...
Now that "Project Runway" has finished its catwalk, Bravo moves into "Top Chef" season. And what a season it is! I got the episode one screener yesterday, and it's filled with the biggest stars of the culinary firmament.
Evian, Glad, Food & Wine Magazine, and the GE Monogram line of kitchen appliances return as sponsors this year. Whole Foods acquired grocery sponsor Wild Oats last year, but has continued the relationship under the Whole Foods brand. And as in past seasons, all ground transportation is provided by Toyota.
The big change this time is that the GE Monogram kitchen is in the back of a Pizzeria Uno. Excuse me, Uno's Chicago Bar & Grill, as they've been known since about 2000. Naturally, the first quickfire challenge involves making a Chicago-style deep-dish pizza. This makes perfect sense, because as we all know, Uno's 216 franchise outlets are famous for the sort of high-end cuisine and classical techniques that a "Top Chef" contestant must master.
When they're not cooking, the chefs will stay in a house stocked with Korbel sparkling wine. A notable non-sponsor is Heineken, whose beer is available in the house, but whose labels are digitally blacked out in post-production, suggesting that the brewery is not actually paying to be there.
Bravo's master class in product placement comes at a time when the FCC is trying to determine just what kinds of rules should govern this sort of embedded advertising. Did you know it's pretty much a free-for-all? They don't even have to disclose sponsorships. Of course, it's usually obvious because the sponsors demand "pretties," those lingering, almost sexual closeups otherwise reserved for the chef's hands and the dishes they're preparing.
Oh, did you want to know something about the actual contestants? OK, um, this guy Andrew (at right) is kind of a jerk. He seems to know how to cook, but he's definitely a chef in the "unstable, furious, and foul-mouthed" style. He's got major issues with rage, and I hate the way he talks. The rest of them seem nice enough. But let's talk about those Calphalon pans, huh? Hard-anodized is the way to go, in my opinion.
Earlier, we learned that "Project Runway" loser Jack Mackenroth and "Top Chef" loser Dale Levitski were dating. We knew that Jack was HIV-positive because he said so on the show, and because at some point this season (I think this week) he gets a terrible staph infection.
Today we learned on Jack's blog that Dale is HIV-negative, but that they practice very safe sex, and that Jack has a very low viral load anyway, making HIV transmission less likely.
OK then. Nice to know. I never expected to be writing about TV stars and their HIV status or viral loads, but I suppose that's the nature of the beast that is semi-celebrity. I'll be sure to let you know if and when they put up photos of Jack helping Dale wax his shoulder hair, or, as Defamer says, "Dale asking Jack to taste his lamb jus as Jack measures Dale's inseam for a pair of stripey trousers..." Project Rungay has further opinions and snark on what they have decided to call a case of "Bravo Incest."
"Top Chef" judge Padma Lakshmi reveals in an interview with the Amazon book blog Omnivoracious that she was raised vegetarian and began eating meat as a child to fit in at school.
Eventually, though, she began loving meat. "In a way that somebody else converts to Judaism or becomes a Hare Krishna, I belong to the church of fried chicken," she says. Her new cookbook, "Tangy, Tart, Hot And Sweet," contains not only a killer fried chicken recipe but also something the interviewers describe as a "mouthwatering three-page tribute to bacon." Mmmmm, bacon.
Bacon and fried chicken are kind of strange foods for someone who got her start a model and actress, and whose first cookbook focused on low-fat recipes. But then, they are delicious, and that seems to be a driving force for Lakshmi.
The "Top Chef" finale is tonight on Bravo, and the "Next Iron Chef" begins Sunday on the Food Channel, and the New York Times is shocked, shocked, that celebrity chefs who appear as judges don't actually do much cooking these days. Padma Lakshmi, the "Top Chef" host over on the right, doesn't look like she's cooked in ages, does she? Whatever happened to Julia Child?
Hate to point it out to you guys, but she died back in '04. Her shows were great, but her heyday was still more than twenty years ago. People who really want to learn to cook might still watch instructional videos, but mostly cooking shows have followed the mandate of entertainment, not instruction. And that's fine. It's neither alarming nor surprising.
If you follow the logic of the Times piece, you are surprised that Emeril is not present in each of his ten restaurants at each meal. You are also alarmed that Bill Ford Jr. has not personally made an automobile in quite some time. Nobody, of course, feels that way. People know Emeril designed the menu, but is rarely in the actual production kitchen anymore. Frankly, I think it's a sign of a well-run business when the executive chef doesn't personally wash every mussel or peel every potato: If the people who do the work do it right, it's the same result. Plus, it frees the famous chef to show up and do something interesting (chew, frown, insult) on my favorite TV show.
Tell me you love the Phil Spector joke in the title. Clever and topical, am I right? Too soon? I know. Sorry.
Anyway, The Hater sounds off today on who they think ought to win "Top Chef." They like Hung because he's actually treating this like a competition. I have to admit, I agree.
I like him because he's clearly the chef with the best foundation in classical cooking: he'll do best in a real production kitchen. Doubt me? Remember the way he butchered that chicken in about thirty seconds? Dale's "I've slept with a few cowboys" schtick was pretty great, but a few one-liners don't make you Top Chef.
Yes, I'd much rather hang out with Casey or Dale. I'm sure they're better people. But that's not what I'm asking. I'm asking "Who do you want on the line?" And the answer there is clearly Hung.
Glad is holding an online poll to determine the hottest chef (that is, the best-looking of their pre-selected list of chefs who willing to do a promotional deal for Glad Microwaveable Steaming Bags). The answer is obvious: Sam Talbot, of last year's "Top Chef" fame.
He's already way in the lead, but go ahead and vote for him anyway. There's some kind of sweepstakes involved too, but whatever.
Sam might be having a few troubles getting his own restaurant open, but he certainly hasn't lost the attention or affection of ... well, anyone.
Has he considered a role on "Grey's Anatomy" as competition for Dr. McSteamy?
Oh boy! "Top Chef" finale time in Aspen. Challenge One: cook trout for one of the country's great seafood experts, in 20 minutes, in a tiny campsite where your kitchen prep area consists of a tree stump. Once again, the top competitors are Hung and Casey: Hung does a technically excellent job, but Casey's got "soul." I have to admit that when she began to emerge as a top competitor I was surprised that she was doing so well. The surprise has worn off, so now it's just plain awesome.
Then, of course, the main challenge: elk. None of the contenders have much experience with the meat, but that's no excuse for Brian trying to braise something in only three hours. Even I know that braising takes a long time, which means you're never going to get it done on "Top Chef." They might as well have some kind of official rule: no braising.
Dale screws up his initial side-dish and makes a backup with cauliflower and potatoes. Once again, Hung manages to do something technically proficient but not really great. What a shock. Casey also does a great job, but undercooks the meat. (Kind of weird: Tom Colicchio says the more common mistake is overcooking). Loser: Brian. Winner: Surprise! It's Dale! Quick thinking and perfectly cooked meat mean he's riding high going into the finale.
I'm sad to see Brian go, but I think it's the right decision. I like Dale, Casey, and Hung the best and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what the three of them cook up next week.
The "Top Chef" contestants finally made it to NYC this week, and had a quickfire at Le Cirque before the main challenge, featuring classical cuisine basics done exactly, exactly right at the French Culinary Institute. Hung won, but I won't reveal the loser to avoid spoiling it for anyone. But did you think the outcome was fair?
Personally, I think it was right. I think Hung, in particular, had a real advantage because he's got the formal training that the FCI judges wanted to see. That's not just an advantage on the show, though: it's an advantage in a real high-end kitchen, where everything builds from absolutely perfect execution of fundamentals.
Tonight's "Top Chef" as it happens (almost)... brought to you by me!
Quickfire: Padma Wants Breakfast (Sponsored by blenders)
Padma wakes everyone up. Fortunately nobody sleeps naked. The challenge: Breakfast. Now. This would be a great challenge, but twenty minutes just isn't enough to make much more than cereal.
Hung immediately breaks a bottle of oil. Slippery broken glass and bare feet seems like a liability challenge, but nobody seems to mind too much.
CJ thinks chicks dig crepes. Dumbass. Sara carefully considers what Padma might like-- a smoothie with booze, and some whole grains. Padma approves. Casey doesn't cook much breakfast and it shows. Hung thinks Americans might want steak & eggs, but doesn't consider that Padma is not a big meat-eater. He's lucky: she's impressed anyway. Dale manages to make a hollandaise in 20 minutes. I'm impressed, but Padma isn't. Brian picks seafood (again!) and a smoothie (which is too full of seeds).
Continue reading "Top Chef Liveblog And Recap: Wednesday September 12" »
The AP, TMZ, and all the local news outlets everywhere are buzzing about a recent attack on Josie Smith-Malave, a seson 2 "Top Chef" contender (as well as a chef at several high-end NYC restaurants and a former women's pro football player). Apparently she and some friends were drinking at a bar in Sea Cliff, NY when they were asked to leave. A group followed them outside, shouted gay epithets, and attacked them. It wasn't clear why they were asked to leave, or what, if anything, prompted the attack. Police are investigating.
The bar, Partners, is a well-reviewed local joint described as quiet and not intimidating, and Sea Cliff is not known for this sort of crime. The Ledger speculates that the attack might have been motivated by a combination of homophobia and fame: attackers could have known Josie from the show and known that she was a lesbian.
MeeVee wishes the best of luck to Josie and her family and hopes the perps are brought to justice.
You'd think people would be able to figure out some basic things for themselves. They don't. Let me give you some examples.
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are considering a run for public office. This is obviously a terrible idea, but they talk about it like it's a foregone conclusion. The only skills the "Hills" stars bring to politics are their immunity to insult and lack of shame. Seriously, would you vote for a guy who looks that smug?
The "American Idol" tour isn't selling many tickets. Maybe it's because they've jacked up the price, and maybe it's because the performances are terrible. Probably both.
On "Top Chef," Howie was a jerk who didn't do a very good job and creeped out audiences by constantly sweating into his food. The disgusting mushroom dish and sudden no-I-in-team change of heart didn't make him any less likely to get sent home, so he decided to volunteer to leave just before judges kicked him off. Maybe he thought it would make him look good. It made him look like a chump.
Got any more obvious stuff celebs ought to have picked up on by now? Drop me a line.
America has a very strange relationship with food. We treat anorexic celebs like demi-gods, idolize "heroin-chic" models, and have more infomercials about silly ab machines than any other nation in the world. The irony is that most Americans treat their bodies like s***! There's a fast food joint on just about every square block, we drive everywhere, and eat every meal like it's our last. Now the TV networks are starting to cash in on this love-hate relationship with food.
This week, Video Top 5 looks at shows revolving around food. Top Chef 3 is getting ready for its Season 3 premiere in Miami. We have a strong feeling Spaghetti-O's won't be on the menu! We also have extended highlights and outtakes from Hell's Kitchen.
Two shows that exploit the obesity epidemic in our nation are The Biggest Loser and Fat March. We're not sure which title is more offensive, but at least each show is shedding more pounds than a bad water-drinking experience in Tijuana.
On the flip side of the contestants on The Biggest Loser and Fat March are the lovely ladies in the Miss Teen USA competition. Now we're not sure why a pageant like this is televised because it only makes adult men feel sketchy and women envious of bodies they could only dream of having. These girls probably have never even tasted a donut or a Big Mac. And if they have, we're sure they "pulled the trigger" on that operation (if you know what we mean!).
Finally, we have our YouTube Clip of the Week. It's a ridiculous response to a simple question in the Miss Teen USA competition. And what a surprise...it was answered by a blonde!
First off, I'm amazed and pleased that the "Top Chef" quickfire challenge has no product placement in it whatsoever. At least, not beyond the usual slow pans over the logos of the deluxe GE kitchens. Maybe Bravo has been listening to viewer suggestions!
Second: How can Casey be so slow at chopping onions? Her fastidious chopping lost the relay challenge for what you'd expect would be the dream team of cheftestants. I could dice five onions faster than that.
Admittedly, I'd also dice five of my fingers, but I'm not a "Top Chef" contender.
Third: How did I guess that the guest sommelier would be Stephen, the love-to-hate-him wine snob from Season 1? What a great idea.
Frankly, Top Chef has been getting bogged down in product placement and interpersonal drama, and the show has suffered. Tonight, the suspense was in the contest itself - down to the surprising elimination. Bravo has managed to redeem the entire show for me. Good job!
